Naomi Campbell never not beating people

October 26th, 2006 // 59 Comments
naomi-campbell-assault.jpg

Naomi Campbell was arrested again in London yesterday on suspicion of assaulting her drug counselor after the counselor walked into a police station with red scratches all over her face and told police Naomi had done it. A spokesperson for Naomi said:

“We believe there has been a misunderstanding. Once police have investigated we are sure this will be resolved satisfactorily.”

So apparently Naomi’s spokesperson has been living on the moon for the past eight years. This isn’t like Julia Roberts. This is Naomi Campbell. Her client might as well be a Kodiak bear. Who also happens to be half shark. And has rabies.

superficial

  1. screammylungzout

    well, its been a whole, what, three days since she’s beat one of her assistants?

  2. BarbadoSlim

    Ah, Naomi still proud of her ghetto roots. Beat them with pride Naomi!!

  3. RichPort

    I’ll fight her. Fuck it, I’ll sign up to be her assistant just so I can piss her off enough to make her throw her gold plated dildo at me. Then, if possible, I’ll overpower her, rest my knees on her shoulders, and proceed to test my “angry girls give the best head” theory. Then I’ll plaster her face until she looks like an open Oreo.

  4. Christie

    #4 that’s the highest I’ve been!

    Yah for me!

  5. jrzmommy

    does anyone ever think to pre-emptively fuck her up? Or at least fight back? How about putting your hands up to block the blows? Walking away? Treating her like the pariah she is and not associating with her? ? I personally would get immense happiness for her to try to hit me. Bring it on, Jemima. Jrzmommy’s got a little lesson to teach you.

  6. jrzmommy

    …think her lips are fat now…..sheeeee-it….think she’s got a black eye now? HA!

  7. This chick is a certified nut.They need to make
    a ufc type outfit for supermodels.I wouldnt mind seeing Naomi punch tyra banks’s face in.

    http://www.celebriteaze.blogspot.com/

  8. BLucky

    I’m waiting for the headline: “Naomi shanks a bitch over nail polish!”

  9. BLucky

    PS You know Tyra Banks never walks to her car alone after reading stuff like this.

  10. bigponie

    the next great pay-per-view event “Naomi vs. Mike Tyson”. It can’t get any better than that.

  11. pookiedoo

    It’s one of few things that will forever remain constant in this world. The sun rises in the east, Paris Hilton creates a new STD every week, and Naomi Campbell beats the shit out of people.

  12. subconscious

    oreo is quite a slip

  13. BeautifulNightmare

    For God’s sake, someone get this woman a straight jacket and some Prozac before she starts random acts of violence on retards and babies! WTF is wrong with her?

  14. I don’t get it! If Naomi Campbell was ANY other black female she would be in prison faster than you can say “Caged Heat”.

    She gets off more than R. Kelly! It’s embarrassing and she’s gonna end up assaulting the wrong person and they’re gonna stab her…

    http://www.blackbeatpress.com

  15. BarbadoSlim

    Oh, I think I can get better #10 *drumroll*

    Naomi vs. Pink

    My bet is on Pink who would then get to rape Naomi with her dick.

    (this would be under Turkish prison rules)

  16. The Superficial is going to be late for his, his and her own funeral. Yes there’s three of them
    This thread has been up at Yeeeah! since 8:39AM, and the “intro” is a helluva lot funnier.

    Get off your lazy asses Fish and get some fresh stuff.

  17. justme

    You can take the jigaboo out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the jigaboo.

  18. jrzmommy

    If she were still alive, and in her Hey-Day, Naomi Campbell vs. Wendy O. Williams.

  19. Thanks Barbado and Ferret for visiting. I’m sure Abby will reward you with a “Hummer”
    Either the vehicle or the lipservice. It’s your choice!

  20. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    Brain-E, we miss you! And yeah, I read this on ‘Yahoo’ last night.

    Naomi Campbell is a genetic aberration. In the wild, animals shy away from fights unless they are absolutely necessary–why take a chance of losing a claw or breaking something?

    Someone needs to go Darwin on this useless bitch’s ass–scratch one of her eyes out and ruin her career, so she can lumber off and starve in the forest. She’s too stupid to exist.

    Or, a poo-pigeon might say…slink off to the jungle. Racist!

  21. I would smack Naomi Campbell right in the back of her head with a $49 bottle of wine.

    There are 7 people on here that know why that is funny. : )

  22. Italian Stallion

    So what if this bitch can fight, I want to know how good she is at hitting a moving target with a spear………

  23. NipsyHustle

    i think it is hilarious that people are so desperate for a dollar that they are willing to line up for a beat down from naomi.

    i say, good for you naomi. you’re just keeping it real. we all know you’re an angry, psycho bitch. anyone still willing to get within claw’s length of you is:

    A)probably a short bus rider
    B)an adrenaline junkie
    C)looking for a lawsuit.

    it’s like trying to creep into a lion’s territory and getting all pissed and amazed when the lion FUCKS YOU UP. the next person that comes forward crying about how they got beatdown by naomi, I’M going to personally go drop kick them in the head for being so stupid. why not? they aren’t using their heads anyway.

  24. Stuey75

    #23, keeping it real? nahh thats being ghetto trash. You need to watch when keeping it real goes wrong on dave chappelle.

    I dont hit women, but i’d pimp slap this high horse bitch. ID SMACK THE BLACK OFF HER ASS!

  25. @21 – Ferret, I remember that $49 bottle of wine incident vividly.

    Keep the comedy flowing!

  26. Do Freebird

    I’m a little confused. Doesn’t she usually attack people for stealing her “Jeans” (which I’m assuming is her secret code for crack)?

    #3 I’m afraid that before you get to try you angry girl/best head theory, she use the angry crackhead whoreish half crazed woman biting off you’re throbbing purple veined member theory.

  27. serial snarkalec

    We’re watching her turn into the black Janice Dickinson. Don’t worry, the next step is self-mutilating surgery. Then her lips will meet her nose and she’ll smother herself, end of hearing about the bitch.

  28. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch

    All that bitch could pound is a kilo of crack. Please. What does she weigh? One-ten wet? Tops? All these bitch-ass assistants taking Blackberrys to the face. Walk around with mace. A taser. Brass knuckles. A high-carb sandwich. Something to get her to back the fuck off you.

    Fuck out of here I’m gonna walk around with a QWERTY keyboard imprint on my face without fucking her up. Hell I’d kick her ass now just for shits and giggles.

  29. BeautifulNightmare

    Hey Ferret! I know why “a $49 bottle of wine.” is funny… that’s right, I’ve done my reading!

  30. jrzmommy

    Naomi v. Omarosa

  31. Isn’t Tyson looking for a woman to fight? I’m just saying…

    http://www.celebslam.com

  32. NipsyHustle

    #24—-all i’m saying is people need to stop acting surprised when, as you put it, “ghetto trash” acts like ghetto trash. it’s like being amazed that that humans breathe air or that the sun rises and sets.

    i have enough sense to know that being “employed” by her pretty much guarentees an assault, so i stay away. it’s not like no one is hiring in this entire country except naomi. she’s not beating random bystanders. so as long as you don’t work for her or with her, you should be fine. it seems simple enough for people to not fall prey to this freak, yet still they do. makes you go hmmmmmmm.

    naomi beats people down, period. let’s stop clutching our pearls in shock when she does.
    and so far, keeping it real hasn’t gone wrong for her. it goes wrong for regular people with no fame or connections.

  33. RichPort

    #26 – That’s why my hands would be around her throat as well. Did I forget to mention that?

    The last time I ran into Naomi Campbell, she threatened to give me a Black guy, which I thought was odd. After repeating herself 30 times in the span of 12 seconds, I realized she said “black eye”. I laughed at her stupid accent, than ran as fast as I could, lest she knock me the fuck out with her cement like fists.

  34. jrzmommy

    Is the $49 bottle of wine thing about when she went bat shit on that yacht of her boyfriends?

  35. #17

    I haven’t seen or heard jigaboo in quite some time. Picaninny…now that’s a word!

  36. RichPort

    Justme is here… the collective IQ just dropped from a jaw gaping 200 to a down-syndrome inducing 12. They’ll be calling us all Corky soon…

  37. jrzmommy

    they don’t call them sambos or junglebunnies anymore, either. hmm….

  38. Nope…and spearchucker and porch monkey seem to have been retired as well.

    I’m thinking that JustMe is just basking in the warm glow of nostalgia.

  39. RichPort

    Mandingo is still acceptable, but only if your johnson can touch your belly button when lying down.

  40. saltpeanuts

    I really really want to hate fuck her.

  41. 34 jrzmommy – You have to go to Ferrets site and read his “Smash Mouth” thread (scroll down a bit) to understand the “$49 bottle of wine thing”.

    http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/

    It’s hilarity at it’s best.

  42. jrzmommy

    They’re also not called Tar Baby anymore? Why not?

    Brain: If it’s a porny site my IT dept is gonna blow a gasket.

  43. GirlyGirl

    Who the hell does she think she is?? I’d like to take a swing at that haughty bitch.

    Naomi vs. Janice Dickenson!

    #21 – Ferret, I thought that was funny by itself, but would you mind explaining? I must have been absent that day.

  44. It was actually the physical contact from Naomi Campbell, during a beating that caused Nichole Ritchie to “catch” cocain addiction and annorexia.

  45. GirlyGirl

    FERRET – Never mind, I just ready your site (Thanks, Jrzmommy!)
    BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

    You are fucking awesome, man.

    That is all.

  46. jrzmommy

    Ferret–You have now been appointed Lord God of All that Is Cool and That Shall Be Cool!!!

    why haven’t I ever been over to your blogspot before?????

  47. PrettyBaby

    I too just popped on Ferret’s site, very funny stuff indeed….

  48. @46 jrzmommy – So you went to Ferrets site???

    GirlyGirl and PrettyBaby, you should join our little band of misfits. There’s like 10+ sites you can hover around. Just click on a link on Ferrets site and you’ll be whisked away on a journey of fun and uncertainty.

    Hope to see you there,
    Walrus

  49. jrzmommy

    48–Yes, It’s hilarious. And nothing that would give my IT dept. a stroke.

  50. She clearly needs help, and I mean the inpatient psychiatric kind. Not an outpatient drug counselor.

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

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