The VMA’s Were Last Night And Things Happened

The MTV Video Music Awards have been slumping for a few years now. While I haven’t seen the numbers for last night’s ceremony, I’m going to assume that going toe-to-toe with the Game of Thrones finale probably didn’t help viewership. For those of you who don’t like to spend your Sunday enduring sensory overload, I’ll mention a few highlights…

Kendrick Lamar dominated. Kendrick was the alpha and omega last night, winning all the relevant awards and performing the only music that didn’t sound like over-produced nursery rhymes with conviction and style. He literally surrounded himself with ninjas who set themselves on fire during his performance of HUMBLE. So, yea, this guy won. Hands down. You can just check out his performance and call it a day.

Katy Perry was corny. Whoever thought it’d be a good idea to give Katy hosting duties after releasing the cheesiest music video since Rob Gronkowski’s carwash roofie dream should be fed to DJ Khaled. The most interesting part about Katy’s screen time was when they cut to Jack Antonoff eating a banana after she said some asinine joke about wearing a catheter or something…

Everybody hates Don. Oh, boy… last night’s VMA’s tried their damnedest to #staywoke, but the message always felt pissed on by the corporate machine that was footing the bill for the party. Like when Paris Jackson went in on the toxicity of nazis and white supremacists before downshifting into the nominees for best pop video (which went to Fifth Harmony). Then somewhere between Demi Lovado winning a performance award from Pepsi and Katy Perry dabbing, the mother of Heather Heyer and a descendent of Robert E. Lee took the stage to also speak out against racism. Both moments felt genuine (especially Rev. Lee), but their pathos was quickly exterminated by whatever sparkly flashing lights emitted from Katy Perry’s boobs. Logic (the rapper) and Jared Leto both had notable moments, bringing attention to mental health issues, specifically suicide prevention because a lot of sad people watch the VMA’s.

Taylor Swift’s ghost was there and it was a big deal. One of the biggest draws of the night was the premiere of Taylor Swift’s new music video, the one about her self-produced feud with Kimye Wesdashian. Basically it’s Bad Blood 2.0 except she’s a zombie or something and bathes in diamonds, I don’t know – here it is…

Overall it sucked and you were better off watching Game of Thrones or supporting your least-favorite local business.