MTV Is About to Be Soo Relevant Again

Dust off those nostalgia boners and grab yourself a Zima, MTV is about to become the hippest old guy wearing a suit on television. After years of shitty ratings and Hail Mary reality TV shows, new-ish MTV president Chris McCarthy is going all-in on bringing back the glory days. In a recent interview with the NY Times, McCarthy pitches his network revamp as the cherry-flavored Camel crush of modern television. With YouTube and SnapChat and Zumba (or whatever else the kids are watching), it sounds like he’s charging the under 18 demo to the game and gunning for the X/Y/millennials that hate their lives enough to buy Sysco’s Thong Song part deux on vinyl. Apparently it’s working but I doubt their bar was set very high…

Ratings for MTV’s core audience — 18- to 34-year-olds — went up in June and July, the first time the network has experienced back-to-back months of ratings growth in four years.

So far, those gains have come courtesy of re-engineered reality shows like “Fear Factor” and “Wild ’n Out,” a sketch comedy show.

A new slate shepherded by Mr. McCarthy will have live shows (including “TRL” and late-night programs) and familiar-looking reality fare, including a show reminiscent of “Laguna Beach” called “Siesta Key,” which premieres Monday. (From NY Times)

You can probably expect “Siesta Key” to have at least one transgender story-line, because that’s also at the top of the network’s new agenda – trans everything. They’ve announced that the (once) iconic “Moonman” award will be referred to as a “Moon Person” from here on out and it will be awarded to whoever can blow the most Viacom execs in a hot tub after the VMA’s… case in point.

Look, I’m all for gender equality, creative transgendered voices, etc. but here we have a suit saying, “our ratings are shit so we’re making everything trans-friendly/gender neutral. The support (and controversy) will outweigh how shitty our tired programming actually is and I can fulfill my childhood dream of filling a bathtub with cocaine.”

I don’t buy this shit and you shouldn’t either. There are plenty of quality, progressive programming options on Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, etc. that aren’t pandering because they don’t have to be. We’re in the platinum age of television here, for chrissakes! Let’s not regress to another dead-inside, Carson Daly lookalike interviewing lil’ Uzi Vert about his favorite candy/vagina pairing, followed by a 45 second clip of a shitty music video. Leave TRL to die. Buck up on the ten bucks a month and subscribe to the good shit until MTV decides to take a real ‘risk’ and dedicate themselves to music again.

Damn, I really closed this one out with a “Boy, BYE!” eh? I’m feeling salty this Monday…