MTV Issues Statement on ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood

November 19th, 2010 // 68 Comments

“Yeah, I dunno. I’m thinking about having a kid named Sloth then chaining him in the basement of an old restaurant.”

Following Teen Mom Amber Portwood‘s charges of two felonies and a misdemeanor for beating Gary Shirley in front of their toddler, MTV has issued the following statement:

“We are cooperating with all parties and hope for a quick and fair resolution that allows everyone involved to move forward in a positive manner.”

However, conveniently missing from MTV’s statements are answers to such questions as, “Why did they continue to film – more than once – a redneck beating another redneck in front of a child instead of, I dunno, putting the camera down and preventing a psychologically damaging situation?” And “Who the hell thought turning unwed teen moms into celebrities was a good idea in the first place?” Although, I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that last one: No one wants to see a teenager get an abortion then go on to live a full and productive life, potentially involving a college education. White trash tusslin’ in their own filth. That’s where the money is.

(Full Disclosure: I will do a complete 180 on this show if there’s an episode involving Farrah’s face being lit on fire by her own mother. Just keeping it honest.)

Photos: Splash News


  1. To her credit if she cut her hair short and sported a hitler moustache she look kinda like oliver hardy.

  2. bottom boil

    I was thinking maybe she’s a love child of Davis Love III

  3. Cock Dr

    Judging by the last couple lines the blogger actually is familiar with & watches the show.
    I feel shame on his behalf.

    • MissSuga

      The worst part is that if a man was beating his woman like that not only would the cameramen and/or producers have stopped the fight but they also would have called the police to put him in jail. It shouldn’t be any different when it’s a woman beating a man. That bytch Amber makes me sick, she needs her kid taken away.

      • George R. McCasland

        What is interesting is how long it has taken for Amber Portwood to be charged. If it had been the other way around, he would have been arrested immediately, and any rights to see the child taken away.

        Many think he should have defended himself, but legally he could not defend himself as that is considered domestic violence under the Domestic Violence Against Women Act. If he had touched her in defense, she could have had him charged. Men should never defend themselves from an abusive woman, and when the police are called, they should always ask for female officer to be present as they will arrest the women on domestic violence far more often than the male officers.

        Properly, he can now take custody of the child, under the same law, but I would be willing to bet that no one, not even his attorney has told him that. He does not have to wait for her to give him the child, he can take the child.

  4. fester

    Is that a barn behind her? It’s nice that Mr. Farmer let her out for awhile. Trotting a few laps around the pasture certainly won’t do her any harm.

  5. McFeely Smackup

    I’ve never seen this show, or even heard of it before reading about it here…I thought MTV was a music video channel? (get it? I’m out of touch with the kids today!)

    But fucking TV networks have GOT to stop this madness. Stop fucking glamorizing breeding more kids than you can possibly deal with…whether that number is 1 or 20.

    We’ve got Jon & Kate to show us how to turn being an abusive, bitch of a wife into a multi-million dollar franchise (the secret is add 8 kids and stir), The Duggars with goddamn 20 kids, popping new ones out so often they keep having to change the name of the show, teenage moms, fuck! where does this all end?

    All of this shit has done nothing but convince me that having kids is the white-trashiest thing possible. I never felt so superior to the rest of humanity in my life until these shows made me glad to not have kids.

    • Frobz

      The Duggars are members of a cult. Look up “quiver full” in google. The sick thing about this is there are other members of this cult as well, breeding prodigiously.

      Also, “Jim-Bob” is tax-free because he declared himself a church.

      I would like to know why TLC continues to promote the Duggar cultists without openly saying they are members of a religious CULT.

    • Youd hope if the kid were endangered someone would step in. But know that their job is to document not interact. Heres a photo of omayra sanchez who was ignored for three days in 1985 in water and mud, just to die–

      Cameraman frank fournier should have been shot and left to decompose with the quake victims there in columbia. If u find the video where this 12 yo girl talks about not wanting to be late for school.. while the bastard lets her die. Very haunting.. Still gets my goat 25 years later

      • Cherry

        but he couldn’t help her, she was trapped by concrete under the water, there was nothing that could be done

      • Emma

        frank fournier could NOT help that little girl! Her legs were wrapped and trapped. He was one of many rescuers who tried to help her. What do you think he did, went around, saw that she was stuck and was about to die, take her picture and bolted? no

  6. LHC

    Oink, oink Porky. Damn she was beat with the ugly stick.

  7. Carissa

    Man, the political and moral comments are deterring me from this site… My last Celebrity Gossip haven. Guess it’s time to switch back to MY real world. Thanks, fish!

  8. JesseJimmy

    Note to Fatty McPortly:

    Dress for the body you have. Not the body you wish you had. I’m SURE Wal-Mart sells your size.

  9. Maeby

    I love that you actually admit to watching Teen Mom . keepin’ it real fish. ok now shut the fuck up about this cum dumpster.

  10. Seeing Fatty Arbuckle alive again makes me believe in reincarnation.

  11. Ksurfiws

    Funny how the hat makes her look like a rubber. (Reservoir Tip!)
    But she obviously does not know how to use one.

    If you let MTV into your house – You will get Fucked
    And not just by The Situation!

  12. nooooooooo

    Picture 4 – “some folks call this a cellular phone, I like to call it my talkie bar”

  13. Armando

    why the fuck is the worlds problems now on infants asses? Instead of promoting aborting that beautiful child – who could turn out to be another trailer trash skank like her mother or the person who cures cancer or maybe she just grows into a mature responsible adult. You people have more serious issues if you think abortion is cure for what ails YOU. The proper word you searching for is suicide – maybe you can try that instead of murdering a baby who had nothing to do with fucking up your lives. I guarantee if enough had the balls to do it – there would be less traffic and we would spend less on oil. Oh yeah and MTV is filled with pedophiles and promoters of anarchy.

    • dont get it

      i love anarchy!

    • McFeely Smackup

      well, considering that I’m currently pissed off at a white trash fat chick squeezing out kids she can’t pay or care for…abortion really WOULD be the cure for what ails me.

      What’s your problem with abortion? it’s gods way of saying “you invested $350 in not being white trash your whole life”.

      • Hello

        Good thing your mom didn’t have the same thoughts on abortion, right, McFeely?

      • the only opinion that matters

        woot, a abortion fight……how I love an abortion debate! I am pro by the way and I just LOVE it when someone named ARMANDO (I have to assume you are a man) is telling women what they should do with their bodies. I hope you have never masturbated into a sock Armando, think of all the babies you killed!

      • bottom boil

        @the only opinion that splatters
        Sperm does not equal a human being. Your argument is crap.

      • McFeely Smackup

        My mom could have had the same thoughts on abortion that I do, and I’d STILL be here. Because my parents were married, and college educated with careers BEFORE they had kids.

        I know, its’ crazy huh? the idea of someone exercising reproductive restraint until the point where they can raise children in a responsible fashion?

    • Gary B

      People especially the brainless pro-life fundies is that most of if not all the fetuses aborted were not going to become some Phd who cures AIDS. But instead just another meth smoking or truck stop stripper or a pain huffing skinhead white supremacist trash.

      Trash breeds trash, very rarely do you get some trailer park family spawn a kid who becomes some super genius, if they do their grow up so misunderstood and abused by their lower intellect community that they leave become successful and never return, while the said community complains that their only success story does not “give back”.

    • Sami

      I’m pro choice as they come but I’m with you. My sister has a college degree and makes more money than I do and she did it while dealing with having five kids while young. She is a very strong woman and to say that women can only succeed if they don’t have kids (or push for abortion) is just as wrong as making women have children against their will.

      Yeah, and MTV sucks. Bring back music…of all types

  14. ZippytheWonderSlug

    In this picture, she looks like “Meg” from “Family Guy”.

  15. jojo

    You can smell her maggoty fish box from here. This motherless fuck has ruined breathing for me.

  16. Deacon Jones

    Did Sloth have a love child?

  17. Who the hell fucked that thing to get it pregnant?

  18. Damn, between that gut and that face……

    Why is she on TV again? Oh yeah, the bastard child thing…….


  19. MrsUri

    Oh. I thought Kelly Clarkson had a new album. My bad.

  20. I’m glad the father of the child was beaten more than once. Someone should beat him every day for sleeping with Miss Portly!!! The poor kid has no CHANCE at a successful future. If he makes it past grade 10 he’ll be the most edumacated person in their clan.

    Why again are these people on TV? MTV has no moral fibre whatsoever. Next up? I LOVE KIDS, a documentary show about older men and how they love young girls … or boys … THIS … is what counts for entertainment ffs.

  21. Gary

    she’s a disgusting fat pig…whos a horrible mom

  22. ___

    She looks like she drives a forklift for a living.

  23. Barney Frank_swallows

    Nice. Advocate abortions. Too bad your mom didn’t follow your logic.

  24. McFeely Smackup

    Why do I have the sudden urge to yell “do the truffle shuffle!!!”

  25. me

    who and what is that????
    omg, it has a baby!!
    what won’t you guys screw!!!!!

  26. BennyfromThames

    Okay, now where is all the outrage over domestic violence and women crying about take back the night for the GUY who got smacked around by this piece of trailer trash! Is MTV going to run a special on domestic violence and how men can be the victims? Oh wait, nobody cares because he is an adult “male” with enough restraint to not punch this recessive gene prom queen on her lumpy ass. Never a reason to hit a women… well, that depends what she just hit you “with” and if she plans on doing it again! Welcome to 21st America, you can take an ice pick to your husband’s temple as long as you don’t spank a child, or mistreat any puppies or kittens… fucking bloody ridiculous!

  27. Lady Blah Blah

    Life would make more sense if Amber Portlywood and Sam Ronson were lovers.

  28. How weird

    I’m so happy :), I’m getting satellite TV service next week, so I can watch all the crappy shows that everyone on this site comments on. I have know idea who this ugly twit is, and I was feeling so out-of-the-loop if you know what I mean.

  29. I truly weep for television as a whole. So much of the “hot! new!” programs are nothing more than catalogs of human misery. The audiences of these visual atrocities are mostly folk happy to see people worse off than themselves (“We’re bad, but, damn, look at them! I feel much better about our situation now.”).
    Even Animal Planet is getting in on the act; so much of there programming now involves humans being attacked/ eaten/ infected by members of our native fauna.
    On the bright side, the internet blogs have lots to talk about.

  30. Biff Dickslap

    I’d like to nail her.

    With a Bostitch Pneumatic.

  31. Anon

    lmao love this site

  32. The Man

    A few comments:
    1. This show in no way glorifies these single mothers and fheir life situations
    2. The show, as it attempts to portray the suffering of the teen mom, may influence some of these twits to wait or use protection. The fathers are rarely around for more than 15 minutes!

  33. Funeral Guy

    I’ve never watched this show but the name implies that some guy somewhere must have put his dick in this ugly piece of shit. Amazing.

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  35. Jen

    “No one wants to see a teenager get an abortion then go on to live a full and productive life, potentially involving a college education. ”

    brilliant!! lol!

  36. HA!!…she DOES look like Ma Fratelli

  37. wim

    pst: this “Cow” will just kill you for peanuts.

  38. mmmm

    What the fuck’s wrong with you people?

  39. J

    i think the irony is that Affliction shirts are made THAT big….like XXXL track pants.

  40. tojo

    Whats next, underage white teen mom with black pimp/ drug dealer LeShawn father who takes half of the welfare check? Oh yeah, I forgot! That happens every, single, day in America, and the left wing loons condone it!

  41. Toxic

    Uh, guys? Why are you still calling her a fatass? She lost 65-70 pounds. She was waaaaaay bigger. Now she looks fine, just needs to tone up her tummy.

    BTW – Hate her and what she did to Leah and Gary … just saying she’s not a fatass.

  42. Wiley

    There’s birth control and there’s safe sex. You should be concerned with both but if you can’t do at least one or the other you must be pretty darn ignorant. We don’t want ignorant people to reproduce. Fact is, Amber tried to push Gary down the stairs while he was carrying his TV. Luckily, He’s not an easy person to move but he certainly does have restraint. These are really, really stupid people on this show. One couple gave their baby up for adoption and went right back to having unprotected sex. The one young woman was trying to “date” when she was 6 months pregnant.

  43. lita

    All the elegance of “Maury” and “Jerry Springer,” yes? Well, except that these two shows don’t allow the children they help victimize to be victimized while the cameras roll. I wonder if the MTV folk would have stepped in had the male been assaulting the female? It’s time to remove the child

  44. Robert

    Is that Louie Anderson?

  45. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    mr popagiorgio
    Commented on this photo:


  46. SoYouWannaDebate?

    Take a peek, and see just how much more interesting the debate on abortion really is…

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