Montana Politician ‘Body-Slammed’ A Reporter Because America

If there was ever a time where it seemed completely logical that a former professional wrestler could run for office and win, that time has come… Republican Greg Gianforte, AKA “The Fort”, just dropped a reporter from The Guardian after he got sick and tired of all his Trumpcare badgering. I mean, just because Greg wants to put millions of people out of healthcare so that the wealthy can take a cut doesn’t mean he has to answer to any snot-nosed, liberal – he’s probably poor! Kick his ass! AMERICA.

Gianforte is running to replace Ryan Zinke in Montana’s lone congressional seat. Zinke dipped when he became Trump’s pipeline-loving tap for Secretary of the Interior. The Don also has a special place in his heart for Gianforte, as “The Fort” shares his taste for index stocks that are tied to the Russian economy (The Fort has about $250k invested in US-sanctioned Russian companies).

Despite witnesses claiming that Ben Jacobs, the receiver of said “bodyslam”, did not show any sign of aggression, the geniuses who work for The Fort have obviously tried to justify their boss’s action in this awesomely delicate statement…

Sure, issue a statement addressing the audio recorder that caught the incident on tape and make it look like the interaction was just about as aggressive as two British gentleman entering a queue at the same time. AMERICA.

Here’s the actual recording…

That crash sounds like he dropped the reporter over a fold out table full of bagels and scones. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be telling people to “speak to Shane, please” for the entire weekend.