Flying Space Jesus Has A New Trailer

“So let me get this straight: You’re a woman? With a vagina? But somehow you’re not locked in the engine room of a ship? Could you excuse me a second?” *runs out of room screaming*

Scientology has been in the news a lot lately thanks to the HBO documentary Going Clear, but you know what will make you forget all about the slave ships and re-education trailers? A fifth Mission: Impossible movie nobody asked for! Just look at this trailer full of Tom Cruise doing karate, his own stunts, and women’s bodies as he so often does. It’s like watching his real life. Because it is! And I’m not just saying that because my family’s being held in a bunker in Tucson. These are my own free thoughts that an OT IV with special clearance to board the Shuttle of Knowledge didn’t make me say. End transmission. Excellent work. I’ll lower my gun now. Wait, why are you still typing? You’re not supposed to write this. XENU CHO-

Photo: YouTube