You Probably Didn’t Watch Miss America Last Night (I Didn’t Either)

Last night Cara Mund transcended from her status as Miss North Dakota to the equally irrelevant title of Miss America. It was truly a sight to behind… if you actually watched it. From the footage I’ve combed over this morning however, I can confidently say that I got the gist and now can speak on it with authority because that’s how the internet works these days.

This morning’s Miss America headlines are being dominated by how “woke” last night’s show was – particularly the Q & A portion, where Trump was thrown under the bus by women who probably can’t even spell “covfefe.” Miss Texas didn’t play when she was pressed on the president’s handling of “both sides” in Charlottesville, Miss North Dakota was right behind her throw shade on his decision to back out of the Paris Agreement, and then Miss Louisiana did… this.

So ultimately it was exactly what I would expect from a contest whose only purpose is to breed future sex tape stars and trophy wives for athletes and politicians. Has anybody locked up the one with the puppets?