Mischa engaged to dirty hippie, could’ve had Leo

December 25th, 2005 // 14 Comments

tn_cisco_mischa_cr.jpgDespite repeated phone calls to Fox, pigeon couriers and a restraining order, I’ve failed in my attempt to keep Mischa from getting serious with Weird Al Yankovic’s bastard love child. She’s going to marry Cisco Adler in February, and now all I can do is sob uncontrollably whilst watching my O.C. DVDs, fantasizing about what could have been. At least I’m not alone. Mischa’s publicist Craig Schneider tried to pimp her out to Leonardo DiCaprio, but probably would have had better luck selling condoms to the Hilton sisters.

She claims when she and Craig spotted the ‘Titanic’ star at a photoshoot, he turned to her and said: ‘For the sake of your career, go and sleep with that man.’ But the sexy star said she was put off dating DiCaprio because he is ten years older than her, adding: ‘Isn’t Leo like, 30, or something?’

So instead Mischa goes with a dropout from the K-Fed school of suck. I don’t know why I’m worried. If Kimberly Stewart couldn’t bring herself to marry this guy, I’m sure Mischa will move on to a new dirtbag in a couple of weeks. And by dirtbag, I mean Nick Lachey. You’ll see.

Mischa Barton set to wed in February [Monsters and Critics]


  1. Sheva

    Following in the steps of Britney, the oh so very deep Mischa becames man prey for a dirtbag in the Kfed tradition.

    Word is he showers even more often than Kfed so she couldn’t contain her joy.

  2. ki

    Vapid, talentless praying mantis + nonfamous Jack White hobo = no one gives a fuck. These rejects can never touch what Britney and Federline have. Not quite white trash enough. Plus, Mischa needs to gain about 40 pounds and walk around with no shoes and acne cream smeared on her face. And does Adler have a sweet rap album coming out? No, I don’t think so. K-Fed straight 2008, bitches.

    Plus, Kimberly Stewart is pretty much the stupidest, ugliest, most bucket-headed retard bitch around. Harsh? Maybe a little… sorry, goddamnit, but I just hate Rod Stewart and his hideous offspring so fucking much.

  3. Icequeen

    Seriously, the girl has common sense. I generally too ignore the men who have an arbitrarilly set number of days between his and my birth. My current same-aged boyfriend might be a coked out wifebeater, but at least he isn’t OLD.

  4. derekd

    who cares? She’s not that good looking anyways.

  5. bafongu

    Like lemmings marching to the sea, or like Rhesus monkies, they parrot and mimick each other as a rite of passage into full buffoonery. A gross and usually ill-educated or stupid person craves acceptance into the tribe, so imitation of the Queen Turd suits. Where does the supply of stooges come from? Maybe I’ll stop showering and shaving, and shit and piss my pants and call Scarlett for a date…

  6. MortyFishbein

    The part about this story that’s funny is that her goddamn agent ADMITS to trying to get her to cozy up (read blow) to another star for the sake of her career. And we all wonder why these people are FUCKED UP and why their relationships don’t last?

    And why didn’t this dumb bitch fire the him for even suggesting that? This just goes to show this little skank will be bent over some producer’s desk faster than you can say “Hey, you are gonna renew my O.C. contract, right?”

    But it’s nice to see that even a starlet/ingenue/hippie trim piece like her has standards.

  7. VanillaSalTyBaLLs

    OK I think I’m on to something…if I become a hair farmer with personal hygeine issues I can score hotties with tons of bank!!!

  8. HollyJ

    WTF kind of agent thinks dating Leo can ignite a career?

    Could she have possibly found an uglier boyfriend? Did she put out an ad or something?

    He’s scary–in a stupid-looking, non-cool kinda way.

  9. jackbauer007

    you do know the Leo comment was tongue in cheek from an interview in Harper’s magazine, right?

    Some people will believe anything. Like this made up item from a trashy UK mag. This site will run just about anything.

  10. tuesdayup

    I think I gave a few quarters to that guy in New York City yesterday.

  11. jollyrancher

    I agree with derekd, Mischa is nothing to write home about in the looks department. Obviously though, that guy must be packing cuz he looks like he just crawled out from a dumpster.

  12. turtlecock

    That guy has stinky armpits that smell like vinegar.

  13. APINK

    Come on, look at her, it’s obviously the best she could get. And it goes to show there is someone for everyone!

  14. hermanita

    these girls marry those ugly guys just to show that they’re not all about looks (but they are sleeping with 5 other men-models on the side), not all about money (he looks poor, yes, but he is a millionaire) and to have everyone talking about them. -_- ah well who cares.

    P.S.:I’ve been looking at that more cowbell comercial. That girl is really hot. =P one of the hottest on this website.

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