Mischa Barton can’t keep track of her nipples

July 17th, 2006 // 67 Comments

Mischa Barton was spotted at the Serpentine Gallery’s Summer Party falling out of her top. Which is to be expected when you have no breasts and your clothes are designed assuming you do. I don’t put on fat people pants and expect them to stay on. That’s why they invented the belt. And double sided tape. And, if necessary, the stapler. The pictures are NSFW so I wouldn’t suggest clicking them unless you really hate your job.


  1. Italian Stallion

    Thats funny, I can’t keep track of her weight……………..

  2. DonLes91

    That’s freaky.

  3. DonLes91

    There ought to be laws against showing cleavage if you’re under 110 lbs and taller than 5’5. Waif.

  4. tito

    Why does she have an Yves Saint Laurent scepter/wand thing?

    And why do girls who look like homeless meth addicts in fancy clothing get put on TV?

  5. artmonkey3000

    What a fugly skeleton girl….

  6. Is the partial nudity a desperate attempt to get a YSL endorsement contract?


  7. C.B.

    gooood what ugly shoes….trully ugy

  8. C.B.

    sorry about that…..ugly ….:P

  9. Nikk The Templar

    Not only is she not cute and looks like Skeletor in drag, she has horrible taste in shoes.

  10. jane's eyre

    I think her nipple ate her boob.

  11. CoJo

    Maybe Paris Hilton is right and people do create drama surrounding her to get press – I can’t think of one other thing this bitch has done other than fight with Paris Hilton. As for the nipples, I think she’s handling hers as the FCC handles baby nipples…if there’s no breast there, it doesn’t matter if a nipple is showing.

  12. Tracie

    Horrendous shoes AND hair, blech! But for all of the hideousness, I must admit, it’s not half as bad as looking at her blood-stained crotch.

  13. Justin Igger

    i fuck her n any other girl that wants to fuck Justin Igger for real yo

  14. pop

    wow – looks like mischa barton and i have so much in common! i can’t keep track of my testicals..they always tend to pop out at the most awkward times, like at church, in the mall, and when i’m at the urologist getting my balls examined…



  15. thebor

    Hot Hot Hot,

    Thanks Super. I love me some nip slips

  16. Mary45

    Nice sex bruise on the thigh there…

  17. Kim

    That is exactly why double sided tape was invented. And I agree C.B., those are FUGLY shoes!!

  18. steenie

    The Missing Olsen Twin – All this time they were actually triplets!

  19. PapaHotNuts

    Her tits are an A-cup, but those nipples are definetly C-cups.

  20. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    You can milk anything with nipples…

  21. pinky_nip

    I always keep track of my nipples, now my pussy on the other hand…. That cat has a mind of her own!

  22. I am just not into celebrity “nipple slip”!

    Unless one female star’s “nipple slip” into another female’s star’s mouth, I don’t wanna see it…


  23. I was so relieved Mischa still has possession of her nips. I heard a nasty rumor that Cisco Adler, the inventor of homeless chic, had pawned them for a new tattoo and a 40 oz Mickey.

  24. blowdart

    What amuses me more is the adbrite ad for this page;

    “Oprah Says: HOODIA WORKS
    Get 1 Week Free! Lose Weight w/ the HOODIA Patch”

    Oh dear.

    (And fuck you all, her shoes are fine!)

  25. bigponie

    blowdart, don’t be so hard on yourself just cause you like dem shoes, so you have bad taste so what…

    and for Mischa, I’d suck those tits with a shot of tequila on the side

  26. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    When your tits are smaller than Helena Bonham Carter’s, it’s time to wear a shirt.

  27. Italian Stallion

    My sisters nipples look just like that, shit is nasty…………..

  28. PapaHotNuts

    @28 I was thinking the same thing about your sister. A least they tatse good.

  29. ValeWolf

    Why do all those bimbos like Lindsay, Paris and her can never wear tops that don’t show their disgusting no-boobs? Why do they always act oblivious to the fact that their coming out of their top? Or is it on purpose?
    Is that, like, the new trend with the coke whores? Boobs hanging out are the new black? At least have nice boobs. Nobody wants to see 12 year old boy chests.

  30. hopeless_screenwriter

    @11 I agree I can’t tell if it’s a nipple shot or a boob shot. Skinny girl nippleboobs, or chinaboobs… they just don’t really fill ya up.

  31. jFp

    I know you gay assclowns hate all skirts.

    I don’t know who this trim is but it looks good to me. Anything more than a mouthfull is just eye-candy….
    She can ride me any time she wants.

  32. Silent Freek

    I’d hit it…

  33. hopeless_screenwriter

    jFp: No one is saying they wouldn’t treat her like beef puppet, I think the consensus is that a tic-tac in your mouth hardly constitutes a mouthful.

    P.s Can I use your new invented word– ‘Assclown’ sometime. I think it is brilliant and I would like your permission to use it in discourse without being considered a plagiarist. It would mean a lot to me.




  34. Aristotrash

    I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Mischa isn’t freakishly skinny and she def. has boobs. She looks like a gorgeous, healthy twenty-year-old girl with nice, natural boobs. They are on the small side but that is just because she is slender. In any case, she looks great and I’m sure all you girls would give your left tit to look like her and all you guys would give your left nut to be with her.

    (The shoes, on the other hand, are gross.)

  35. Italian Stallion

    If I had four hands I’d give them titties four thumbs down…………

    @29 The milks gone bad, ewwwwwwwwwwwww

  36. thebor

    First off you are all fags, tits are tits, big ones, small ones, saggy ones, ones with pancake nipples, that’s whats great about NATURAL tits, no four are the same. I guess she would be hotter if she had the perfect sized nerf balls popping out of her skin. I think not. I would hit that shit until my balls fell off.

    Second, Screenwriter, you have heard the phrase Assclown welcome to planet earth.

    I have another one you may not have heard, Butt-pirate, but you can’t use it. ARRRRRRRRR

  37. YoMamma


  38. ‘Serpentine’ describes her figure perfectly.

  39. Xopher.tm

    I’m not entirely sure what she’s famous for, but she looks like any other SoCal meth whore to me.

  40. Stephanie12

    She needs to get those nips to a tanning bed. I cant’ tell where they end & the boob begins.

  41. pooper

    I don’t understand all the critiquing on her body. Yes, the shoes are ugly. And.. her hair looks crappy (but who knows if it’s the end of the night or not?). But she actually has large breasts for her frame. She actually has the ideal body for her job.

  42. BurnedBright

    Everyone likes big asses and tits, but not everyone is blessed with a large bust size. She is NOT as flat as a wall. Even though they aren’t huge, they are still nice. Def a handful which is all that is necessary.

  43. lux

    #8 (etc) – THANK YOU.

    this entire story should be about those shoes. i’ve seen lots of nipples but few pairs of shoes that actually make me want to hang myself.

  44. TrannyGranny

    I’d like to help Barton keep track of those nipples. As a matter of fact, I think I will drive out to LA in the next month or so, hunt her down, and slice her nipples off. I will smoke them like jerky, and wear them on a necklace, and whenever Barton wants to know where her nips are, she can call me, and I will say “The are hanging from my necklace, you fucking twat.”

    I think that would make a splendid present to her.

  45. qico

    WOW… if she was even half atractive, I might have actualy given a shit..

  46. LL

    Thank Jebus for Superficial. Work was pretty cruddy today, and then I come here and all is right with the world again.

    Shoes: yeah, they’re not good. They look like they weigh more than she does.

    Boobs: eh, whatever, they’re boobs. Hangy down isn’t the best look for any boob, but then, I’m not a dude, so maybe I’m wrong on that one. It’s sorta nice to hear that they don’t have to be freakish Pam Anderson boobs to get respect. Thanks, dudes!

    But from my perspective, she definitely should have secured that load. Unless she wanted us to see her boobs. She’s no longer in the OC, so maybe she’s trying to get the skank parts that Lindsay Lohan turns down.

    She does sorta look meth-whorish. Maybe we’ll see her simulating oral sex in some other means of conveyance (besides a rowboat) soon. A bus, maybe. A bus full of little children and nuns. Everybody knows the way to be taken seriously in Hollywood is to look and act as whorish and degraded as possible in an “independent motion picture.” Then just start writing your Oscar acceptance speech. Worked for Charlize and Halle and Jane Fonda and I think that chick from Leaving Las Vegas was at least nominated. Point is, to get respect in Hollywood, you have to act like a whore. The men have to act crazy, the women have to act whorish. There’s a lesson there somewhere.

  47. everyone_says_hi

    I know I’m not the only one to make this comment (I came late to the party) but I just love the hooker shoes and the bruises on her legs. Now that’s class.

  48. bakismaki

    Nice set of perkies. She’d be hell-a-hot if she gained about 15-20 lbs.

  49. CruisingForCock

    My nipple was out the entire time I read this. Also out on the way home tonight, you all heard about that accident on 895. Yep, my nipple caused that.

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