Miranda Kerr Named Her Son After Her Ex

July 13th, 2011 // 56 Comments

In case there were any doubts on who wears the cleavage-pants in Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom‘s relationship, she apparently named their son after her ex-boyfriend because who doesn’t like having a constant reminder of the guy who used to bang your wife around? Frankly, I prefer it. Via Us Magazine:

Born on Jan. 6, 2011, Flynn Christopher Blanchard Copeland Bloom was (in part) named after the 28-year-old model’s first boyfriend, Christopher Middlebrook. Middlebrook died tragically in a car accident as a teenager. (Kerr does not indicate the year of her beau’s death.)
“Chris and I had been dating for two years,” she told Australia’s Daily Telegraph. “After he died, I wrote him a letter that said I hoped to name my first child after him in some way. I told Orlando and he was the one who said he’d be happy to do that. Orlando’s a good guy.”

I want Orlando Bloom to pay careful attention here because we’re going to compare how he handled this situation to how a real man such as myself would’ve responded. Believe me when I say this will be informative:

MIRANDA: I’m going to partially name our son after the true love of my life who I would’ve totally, if not preferably, married instead of you if he hadn’t died.
ORLANDO: Will we still have sex?
MIRANDA: Maybe.
ORLANDO: Sold.

Christ, that was painful. Now, watch and learn:

MIRANDA: I’m going to partially name our son after the true-
ME: I just ejaculated in my pants.
MIRANDA: Oh.
ME: Please don’t leave me. *starts crying* I’ll let you hit me. You can hit me whenever you want. Why won’t you hit me?! Oh, God!

FACE.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Miranda Kerr Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    In before someone says, in every photo like this, there’s always Eddie Vedder saying it all with his eyes.

  2. Like I said, in the previous post, tonight, I’m hitting the Korova milk bar with my droogs.

  3. DM

    Eh… people name kids in memory of people all the time.

  4. PoorMaryKelly

    If the man’s dead then it really shouldn’t matter. As long as that kid looks like Orlando.

  5. why not just insist and claim it’s a family name.. stupermodels

  6. Big deal. At least the poor kid isn’t named after a state or a mountain range or some kind of tree fruit.

  7. FishBone

    let name go..have more sex with Miranda Kerr…put baby in her belly again…name girl baby Kate Bos…have more sex with..well you get it….

  8. I’d agree to name my first born Cassette Tape if it meant sleeping with her. She has such fond memories of those things.

  9. TomFrank

    Yeah, I think you’re making too much of this. I mean, if the guy were still walking the earth, it would be different. Like, if Jennifer Aniston ever has a baby and names it after Brad. Can you imagine how batshit the Internet would go?

  10. Mandi

    Totally off subject, however I am diggin the Wonder Woman bracers Kerr is sporting.

  11. Billy Barty, Jr

    If i was driving that with her face down in a pillow , she could call my son “late for dinner “

  12. Fundamentals of roughing

    I have always stressed that Mr Bloom was a better man than I am. How much proof do you need?

  13. Cock Dr

    Damn, Orlando is so sweet & understanding. I think I may be sick.

  14. Venom

    Orlando Bloom is a pussy, who would have thought.
    I bet she uses a strap-on on him also.

    I actually had something sort of similar like that happen with me and the whole baby name thing. I ran into this girl I dated for a little while and she was with the father of her new baby. As we were talking she proceeded to tell me the name of her baby son, which also happened to be my name and she made a point of repeating it multiple times in front of the guy.
    And yes, I did the quick math in my head and there was no chance the child was mine.

    • cool

      Woah that’s like so cool brah.

      So husband letting wife show respect to a dead teenage kid makes him a pussy? lol. It says a lot about how pathetic you are if you get insecure by a dead kid. Let alone one that’s been dead for several years.

      I bet you would have started pounding your chest like a silver back before immediately running to the kid’s grave to teach him a listen.

      • Venom

        He is a pussy and so are you.
        No man I know would ever let their son be named after their woman’s ex boyfriend, dead or not.
        Men in this society have become cuckold pussies and the women have become more manly.
        You are the personification of pussified men in today’s society.

      • cool

        Hahahahaha

        All the “men” you’ve talked to? Which guys are those? The guys at your support group for insecure, pencil dick virgins?

        Guess what buddy, looks like even this chick couldn’t stand your crap and found a “pussy” to be with.

        Meanwhile, you spend all day and night on a celebrity gossip blog talking about the pussification of men in modern society.

        LOL

  15. I wonder how much postage this dim bulb put on that posthumous letter to her ex…

  16. goonie

    If I would have done that my daughter’s name would be “Fleshlight Lube Resentment Jones”.

  17. P Dizzle

    5 fuckin names for that brat!? Hate to have to write that on top of EVERY piece of homework for the next 12 years! Or maybe just go with FCBCB….

    • cc

      She couldn’t add The First after ‘Flynn Christopher Blanchard Copeland Bloom’…after all, you can never be too pompous.

  18. Frank Burns

    Just proves that Miranda had ghosty sex with her dead ex-bf, and now has to name the kid after him. Come on, you know you are going to try it after you are dead! Kerr’s bedroom probably has more ghost dudes lingering around in it than an entire season of Scooby-Doo (the first season, when it didn’t suck).

  19. So when Miranda wrote this letter to her dead ex…what address did she use? And how much postage did she put on it? Something tells me the US postal service is more than happy to collect postage fees from people sending mail to dead persons.

  20. Miranda Kerr Cleavage
    buttface
    Commented on this photo:

    That dress is hideous. Why are extra long tank tops now considered to be the latest in hottest fashion design? “Fashion” is a joke and people who fall for it are retarded. It’s like they intentionally rehash shitty old designs just so it will go out of style so easily and people will be forced to buy more trendy crap next year.

  21. Carolyn

    Find her looks uninteresting.

  22. Mikki

    Don’t know why Miranda would make that public. Orlando’s obviously a great dad who loves his family. Why is Miranda creating creepy dead boyfriend drama?

  23. who cares

    The guy was dead. It’s not like she broke up with him. She loved the guy and wanted to name her kid after him. Who cares? I named my son after Anthony Kiedis. LOL My husband agreed though….lol

  24. Jter

    I hope that teenage boy banged her good before he died. Little did he know millions of males would be jacking off to her daily. That’s quite an honor.

  25. Miranda Kerr just one -upped Rose McGowan.

  26. maddox

    she has a face like a fuckin cabbage patch kid. PASS!

  27. KOOLGUY

    EXCUSE MS CAN A,POOR BOY GET DEM DIGITS”‘PERHAPS TO GAVE YA A CALLL LATER!”TO ORRANGE A DATE”"POSSIABLE”"SOON!”‘

  28. Miranda Kerr Cleavage
    johng
    Commented on this photo:

    i know youre going to look at this to see if anyone responded so i have to say

    PENIS PENIS PENIS

  29. the captain

    …………………ANUS?

  30. Don’t look too closely – this one’s a total fucking butterface.

  31. OnTheRealThough

    Dog, i’m literally crying from laughter from those two pseudo-conversations with Miranda Kerr.

  32. Miranda Kerr Cleavage
    luzverde
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is she wearing????

  33. ana

    i’d bang orlando.

  34. bing

    Her face is making me uneasy.

  35. Miranda Kerr Cleavage
    Herman Bumfudle
    Commented on this photo:

    hey mama! you are so fucking beautiful!

  36. sdfgdf

    Seriously, what’s up with that dress. The only reason why it doesn’t look like the utter shit it is because it’s on a supermodel with a perfect body. Who would position cut-outs so it highlights the rib cage

  37. GG1000

    Hey Lady, his being dead probably impacted his ability to receive your letter. Just FYI, actual live people are probably more effective to write letters to.

Leave A Comment