And Now Miranda Kerr’s Breasts

There used to be a time when Miranda Kerr broke the Internet, but that was before creatures built in a lab dominated the landscape with their ice cream cone porn and massive vulvas that can engorf a man. Also, some of you want to try and say Miranda’s been “ruined” by Justin Bieber which is retarded on its face? If a bee stings a woman’s vagina, do you say it’s ruined? No, of course, you don’t. And that has to be the best metaphor for having sex with Justin Bieber you’ll ever read in your life. Print it out, put it in a time capsule, and let future generations marvel in its essence.

Actually, wait, don’t do that. It’s better they don’t know why half of them are illiterate and think math is a sandwich. Belay that order.

Photos: AKM-GSI

Tags: Miranda Kerr