Miranda Kerr Is Pregnant With a Rich Baby

Miranda Kerr has reached gold-digger level 1000 with Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel after revealing she’s harvesting his first child inside of her. In case you didn’t know, Spiegel was born in 1990 and already has more money than most African nations while Kerr is 34 and toting Orlando Bloom’s child along on family vacations aboard his giant yacht. They also abstained from having sex until marriage… that’s right, Evan Spiegel held off from banging Miranda Kerr in order to focus on important shit like making billions of dollars. Think about that next time you’re late for work because you had a one-night stand with a chick from Olive Garden and left your wallet at her house.

“While she’s a modern muse in the fashion industry, Miranda stuck to more conservative traditions before her marriage to the tech billionaire. Most notably, they abstained from sex during their yearlong engagement.

When asked in February if she was trying for a baby, the mom-of-one told Times of London, ‘Not yet.’

‘I’m not planning for a child yet. Not until after we get married. My partner is very traditional,’ she explained. ‘We can’t. I mean we’re just … waiting.’” (from Celebuzz!)

Seriously, no sex with Miranda Kerr until marriage is hardcore commitment. Here I was thinking the whole point of these tech guys cashing in big on their IPOs was to bang models that would never give them the time of day otherwise. Guess sometimes people just like, ya know, working really hard for things…

**Stops typing and looks down at the keyboard that controls this titty blog. Wonders what the hell went wrong. Cracks a fresca. Looks directly into the camera and winks.**

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