Miranda Kerr & Evan Spiegel Don’t Have Sex? What? Why? How?!

Call me old-fashioned, but I’m pretty sure the entire point of becoming a tech startup billionaire person is to have sex with supermodels way out of your league in exchange for them thinking they’re going to peel off a chunk of your non-existent money because I mentioned tech startup right? Okay, good. Except it turns out Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel somehow managed to skip a crucial part of that equation while Miranda Kerr’s been in front of him the whole time. In fact, I’m now convinced he’s legally blind. That’s the only answer. Via The Cut:

In a Times of London article, Kerr asks writer Richard Godwin if he’s going to have another child. When he says not right now, she asks him what he uses for contraception (uhhhhh), then offers up a detail about her own sex life:

“I don’t!” she yelps and begins to laugh.

So are you going to have another baby? “Not yet. Not until after we get married. My partner is very traditional.”

I am clearly so out of the loop when it comes to millennial sex trends that it takes me a while to grasp her meaning; she appears to be telling me that she and the man she is marrying have never had sex. Hang on, that’s really traditional, I say.

She winces. “We can’t … I mean we’re just … waiting.”

So two things I learned: 1. Evan Spiegel is only 26. And 2. He’s apparently part of a growing trend of millennials who don’t spend every waking moment trying to get laid because they’ve got shit to do. Like forming billion dollar tech companies and getting so rich that banging Miranda Kerr is an afterthought.

*stops typing, revisits every decision in life that’s led to this exact moment in time where I’m blogging about celebrity breasts in the basement of a rented townhouse in freezing cold Pennsyltucky*

Oh. Oh God…

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