Miranda Kerr’s In A Bikini, Clearly Hates Jesus

February 9th, 2012 // 57 Comments

Because a woman’s body is her husband’s property – After two years of bringing in sweet Victoria’s Secret checks, of course. – here’s the godless Jezebel Miranda Kerr flaunting her carnal treasures in Australia so that men may become filled with lust and spill their seed upon the ground thus fertilizing Satan’s subterranean army which shall usher forth an unholy era where women can vote, enter into legal contracts and make almost as much money as men. May God have mercy on our souls.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin

superficial

  1. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    LegMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Can I play too?

  2. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    Just how much does she pay that nanny to pick her bathing suit out of her ass crack because I’d do it for free.

  3. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    Not to be mean or anything, but that is one fat fuck of a baby

  4. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    that fat baby is still freaking me out

  5. That fucking kid is half the size of that woman. Note to Jesus: Make smaller babies.

  6. sc4play

    He’s been breast fed! With the good stuff!

  7. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s not a poolside champagne jam without a nude midget.

  8. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    sc4play
    Commented on this photo:

    Two words for Orlando: Doo! Fus! Oh, and nice moobs, btw!

  9. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s not a full-fledged poolside champagne jam without a nude midget being tossed.

  10. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    *looking at the caption*

    Okay, I know people like to call Orlando Bloom effeminate, but this is ridiculous. Or are you saying he’s the baby?

  11. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Breaking: Miranda Kerr Marionette, Not Human

  12. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    the fuck?

  13. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa that baby is CHUNKY.

  14. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like the Michelin man…

  15. winteriscoming

    I’m not at all comfortable with her position or the kid’s naked penis in front of her face.

  16. I could just imagine banging that from the back while she is on all fours.

  17. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    memoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Come Orlando, it’s time to breast feed the baby.

  18. Looks like she’s getting ready to play “Rodeo”. If you’re not familiar with the rules, here goes:

    When plowing a woman doggie-style, whisper in her ear “Your sister likes it like this, too” and try to hang on for 8 seconds.

  19. Buddy the Elf

    “YeeHawwww!”

    – Jesus

  20. Miranda Kerr lets her hot, young, blonde nanny walk around in a bikini because:

    a) she more or less has Orlando Bloom’s balls in a jar, so nothing untoward could possibly happen
    b) she is completely blind to the likelihood that the nanny will end up screwing Orlando and break up their marriage, like so many nannies-to-the-stars have done before her
    c) she, Orlando, and the nanny regularly engage in three-ways, so it’s all good
    d) after years at Victoria’s Secret, she is no longer able to distinguish between bikinis and regular clothing (just like lingerie is clothing, or so the devil tells her)

  21. Kodos

    Satan loves you.

  22. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    Crack is a hell of a drug.

    See what i did there ?
    I’m not proud of it.

  23. puhleez

    That is some in-demand pu$$y right there

  24. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    krutboo
    Commented on this photo:

    imagine a grenade going off right there – awesome

  25. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    vgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    That seriously is the cutest baby on the planet at the moment.

  26. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one sweet ass. I could do without the two skanks though.

  27. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    vgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    I LOVE FAT BABIES!

  28. I think Victoria’s real secret is how they all get rid of stretch marks!

  29. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Frugal Gourmet
    Commented on this photo:

    Nanny got a tank ass

  30. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    NATTY ICE
    Commented on this photo:

    “Um, you know, when you said I could hang out with you and all your hot model girlfriends, I didn’t think it would be me as the nanny.”

  31. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    O'chunt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jesus Christ girls, someone take him offa me, I can’t hold him up one second longer! Sheesh, this is one fat fuck of a baby!”

  32. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Quite a scene there, having the elf prince serve as waiter/poolboy. Nice.

  33. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Does McDonald’s make Happy Meals for toddlers now?

  34. fuckityfuck

    god forbid she watch her own chunky baby while laying around with her fug friends getiing shitfaced, i dont see her picking the nannies wedgie, wheres the love?

  35. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    chris breezy boxing academy
    Commented on this photo:

    there’s an H&R Block ad next to this pic so I can only conclude they support CP

  36. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Pewpsock
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’LL SAVE YOU LADIES FROM THE MICHELIN BABY!!!”

  37. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    If Da Vinci were alive today, this would be his Virgin and Child.

  38. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    dj
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture pretty much sums up what is left of Orlando Blooms career.

  39. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    Orlando just spotted the paps and the chick in purple is giving them the finger.

  40. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Robert Cockhurt
    Commented on this photo:

    I should have been a nanny.

  41. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Glauto
    Commented on this photo:

    Pull the string and I talk.

  42. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    How do I get that job?

  43. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    BigDaddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Get that little pebble out of there!

  44. forrest gump

    pssssst: JESUS DIDNT FIT THE BIKINI ANYWAY!!

  45. Aggie

    It grosses me out when people carry babies around naked. Those things are loaded shit bombs.

  46. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    well
    Commented on this photo:

    Her arms look like they belong to a 10 year old and where Photoshopped on.

  47. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    Surprisingly enough, that baby may have more cellulite than Oprah’s double chin.

  48. If she truly loves Jesus, she’ll get a tattoo of him prominently displayed on her body. Right, Beebs???

  49. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    me
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess both of their boobs got bigger during the pregnancy..

  50. Miranda Kerr Bikini Orlando Bloom
    sam
    Commented on this photo:

    formula fed baby is way tooo FAT!

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