Minka Kelly Denies Dating Sean Penn

I want to go to there.

Minka Kelly and Sean Penn were reported to be dating over three weeks ago, but for some odd reason, Minka Kelly waited until yesterday to deny it. However, she’s hot and knows how to cook, so I’m going to allow it and anything else she wants to do up to and including running me over with a car. It’s all on the table.

In Minka Kelly’s defense, she seems to be alive and not tied to a chair where she was beaten for nine hours until agreeing to blow Sean Penn before he let her go. And if that sounds like a fucked-up scenario to make up, it’s what Sean Penn did to Madonna in real life, yet Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron still had sex with him. And maybe Minka Kelly did, too, because clearly that’s something that happens because God is just opening up a shoebox and pooping on us. Pooping on us so hard.

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