Mini-Me’s love life is God’s punchline

January 5th, 2009 // 67 Comments

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s been way too long since one of Verne Troyer’s jilted ex-lovers has sold her story to News of the World. This time around it’s former Playmate Genevieve Gallen who married Mini-Me in 2004 after the two were introduced by Hugh Hefner at a New Year’s Eve party. Things went sour when Genevieve learned her knight in children’s pajamas has a drinking problem. (Read: One thimble of bourbon and the shit is on!):

On first going to Mini-Me’s “house”:
She felt like Alice in Wonderland when she first went back to Verne’s place . . . a SHED at the the end of his manager’s garden. “It was a little off-putting because everything was so small,” says Genevieve. “There was a miniature futon and a miniature refrigerator and bed. The light switches were all down at the level of my knee and the toilet was no bigger than a child’s potty.”

On realizing Mini-Me might have a bit of a drinking problem:
“One Valentine’s night, I tried to do something really special for him. I knew he liked the colour red, so I put on everything red, including red stockings, red garter belts, a red thong and patterned red shoes just how he liked them,” says Genevieve. He seemed really excited and jumped up on the coffee table as he ordered me into different poses. He took some pictures of me and I was ready for a really beautiful night but before we could make love he was so drunk he passed out wearing his socks and boxers.”

On getting accidentally locked out of the house after Mini-Me got trashed:
“The neighbours called the police and I convinced them to break the door open to let me in. But then they demanded to see Verne so I could prove it was my house. When I found him, he was face down clutching a pillow. I tried to wake him but it was impossible, so I had to pick him up still clutching the pillow and take him outside to present him to the police officers. They were shining the light on his head and Verne was mumbling, ‘What’s going on?” One of the police officers started laughing but the other one told him to stop. It was really embarrassing.”

Look, I don’t want to seem like I’m discriminating against little people here, but maybe the next time their guild meets inside a mushroom, they should let Verne know he’s not doing anybody any favors. Just sayin’.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Max Planck

    Snow White and her dwarf. Did she marry him or adopt him?

  2. ewwww


  3. cleavage

    I think we need more Genevieve in a bikini posts.

  4. wtf

    Sic! Sic! Sic!

  5. Let the poor guy drink, wouldnt you?

    great story by the way, these girls sound like care takers…


    she should donate some of that chin to him.

  7. aliknievel

    This is the most hilarious fucking post I’ve read on here in a while. The whole bit with her having to hold him up to the cops was flippin’ priceless. And what a piece of sweet ass she looks like. She met mini-me in 04 when he was already a has been. Heffner truly is a pimp. I wish I could go to the playboy mansion so he could hook me up with one of these fembots he just has laying around.

  8. “but maybe the next time their guild meets inside a mushroom, they should let Verne know he’s not doing anybody any favors”

    Funniest shit I’ve read this week!

  9. ugh

    What is wrong with this woman? I don’t see anything wrong with her having married Vern, but there is definatley something wrong with exploiting his condition to the press. What a fucking bitch.

  10. pointandlaugh

    “one thimble of bourbon and the shit is ON!”


  11. Steve

    “Look, I don’t want to seem like I’m discriminating against little people here, but maybe the next time their guild meets inside a mushroom, they should let Verne know he’s not doing anybody any favors. Just sayin’”

    Funniest line,,,ever.

  12. woodhorse

    I wonder if he only has to drink to get it up for women? He doesn’t seem drunk screwing the pooch.

  13. she is hot, he is well… a midget..

    i dont know what she is doing..

  14. Amanda

    He’s cute but in a toyish, babyish way. Having sex with him would be weird because it would be like having sex with a toddler…

  15. Kate

    I don’t get it. Sorry, I don’t begrudge anyone anything, but I don’t have one iota of an inkling of attraction to a little person.

  16. just

    “One thimble of bourbon and the shit is on!”

    I 2nd the previous HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  17. Biggie Smalls

    Ya know…this is the second story about mini-me’s sex life…say what you want about the guy, but he gets WAAAY hotter women than 99% of full sized guys.

    Can’t say I understand why, but he must have some skillz somewhere…

  18. Deacon Jones

    lol, ohh boy

    Could you imagine that scene with the cops??

    I saw this girl on the Stern show a couple years ago, she was on a lot of Prozac, and talked without moving her lips, like a puppeteer or something.

  19. This Poster

    Anyone posting after This Poster sucks on Verne Troyer’s mini-penis and swallows his tiny spermazoa

  20. AlexN

    He’s currently taking part in Celebrity Big Brother in the UK, see here

    Well done on the derogatory comments about his height, normally your posts and comments are purile but that one was spot-on, full of the wit and intelligence of a true rising star

  21. Yeah the “skillz” is rich and famous #17 broads are simple creatures…

  22. 1 MILF Hunter

    A thimble of bourbon to liquor him up. Then he uses it as a condom, straps a couple of 2×4′s across his ass and dives on in.

  23. Dave Allen

    Oh man, that picture of him with that ratdog on his lap is hilarious. It looks like he’s got a horse on his lap. Also, it that “doggystyle” that he’s doing to it?

  24. woodhorse

    I wonder if she plays that Randy Newman tune for “mood music”?

  25. woodhorse

    And just when the gold-digger girlfriend thought things couldn’t get any worse, Verne decided to grow a full head of hair….

  26. Michelle

    I’m feeling a bit let down that our favorite writer didn’t cash in on the Snow White costume…thanks to poster #1, but seriously – how do you spit in the face of that gimme. Snow White…she hangs out with dwarves, people.

    Was it just too obvious???

  27. HardDon

    Well, I for one, think she looks pretty hot in the red dress. Nice boobs, nice flat stomach…all good.

    When asked if sex with him is a chore, she replies, “Oh, it’s no big deal.”

    “I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger…”
    -Kanye West

  28. EWWWW

    This is gross. It’s like sleeping with a child. His head in the one picture is the size of her boob. Gross Gross Gross!!!

  29. Sport

    Cant you see the little drunk fucker needing a ‘boost’ to put the Xmas ornaments on the tree in that picture?

  30. chupacabra

    FINALLY! A real snow white! Yes. Yes. Yes.

    Midgets die young. she wanted to get that mushroom after he kicked it. With how he self-destructs, it wouldn’t have been very much longer. By the way, isn’t he dead already?

  31. Supervixen

    Fuck all of you. I don’t think this is funny at all.

    Verne obviously has a serious drinking problem, and has had one for some time. The only humor people see in this is that he’s a small person. He’s not a freak, regardless of size, he’s a person too. Can you imagine what his life must be like?

    After seeing him get completely trashed, driving his scooter, and pissing on a wall… as funny as it seemed the first time, watching it over and over again, I seen something very sad in it. I think Verne has a lot of emotional problems, and someone needs to intervene. It doesn’t take that much alcohol to kill a person of his height and weight… I’m surprised he’s lasted this long.

    Fuck all of you assholes. Verne, get help.

  32. twzzlrgirl

    The mental picture of him jumping up on the table while she’s all in red underwear…omg, i almost spit coffee all over my screen.

    I cannot imagine what his “skills” could be that would possibly overcome the fact that his is tiny and ugly. Hey — maybe he doesn’t use his penis at all…maybe he fucks with his whole upper body. Now THAT would be something.

  33. Being small aside, he’s kind of gross and annoying. And why the hell would you marry him, except for the thing about him having money (maybe?).


  34. 10pound

    He looks like a shit I took this morning.

  35. Tapeworm

    You gotta wonder about a woman who marries a guy with the word “Mini” in his name. Unless she’s a rug-muncher, in which case Mini-Me’s Mini-Wee doesn’t matter. (Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s insignificant.)

    Hopefully MM won’t read this, he’ll probably drink his little bald self under the table. Or I guess that would be more like a roof to him.

  36. Tart

    Did anyone else get a really silly image of Verne wearing an over sized green shirt and a purple cap? That would just be too accurate for words.

  37. woodhorse

    What a gyp. I want to see pictures of the miniature house/shed. I hope he has yard gnomes on the front lawn.

  38. Taylor

    Sex with a toddler, good one Amanda!
    Now about that dog, I think it is adorable.
    Anyone know the breed?

  39. joey joejoe

    what the fuck is going on in this world, how does a garden gnome score a playboy bunny.
    jesus fuck me in ass christ something is definitely fucked up in the matrix when this shit is going on.
    i mean come on, hes even too short to dine at the y when she standing.

  40. Mike

    I bid twenty five Dollars for the board that held him from falling in.

  41. big mac

    Attention whore, see for yourself-

    She looks to be transexual and talks like one too. I used to watch a lot of tranny porn, so I know heh.

  42. antoine bugleboy

    Every one of those pics is amazing – the look on his face in each one is “can YOU believe i’m getting away with this??”

    especially the one where he’s doing the dog.

  43. Beastman AIDS


  44. britney's weave

    … and then the little man peed in a corner, and they all lived happily ever after.

    ~the end~


  46. Dave

    The Superficial writer is in rare form….funny!!!

  47. Jolene

    @31: Maybe you’re the one with the problem…don’t you have anything better to do than watch Verne driving a scooter on The Simple Life: Retard Edition “over and over again”??? You obviously take life waaay too seriously. I’d drink too if I were that small…

  48. wow. anyone that has any negative thought towards this post. i am sorry for you brvause you will have your dog’s day. how sisgusting for you all to think such messed up thoughts towards another human being. he is a person, not an image, hr may represent a particular identity of a superficial classification but i am astounded that you are all just as supericaial as you title him as. i bet that you are all completely self concious and have issues with you own sel fto the point where it is entertaining for you to put down a face you dont even know

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