Mini-Me’s ex breaks the silence on making amateur midget porn: A woman’s journey

July 7th, 2008 // 140 Comments

Cashing in while the iron’s hot, Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer’s ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider sat down for an interview with News of the World to openly discuss the couple’s sex life. I will never, ever in my entire life write anything as funny as the unintentional hilarity that comes out of Ranae’s mouth. This chick should do Vegas:

On sex in general with a midget:
“So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”

On their first time and the Mini-Me’s magical rebound skills:
“I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”

On why midget’s prefer sex on dry land:
“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub,” she said. “Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.”

Mini-Me almost drowns trying to do his girlfriend in a bubble bath. Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can’t follow something like that. I’ll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.

UPDATE: I’M A PTERODACTYL! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! P.S. We’re out of White-Out.

superficial

  1. (unintentional pun turned intended) i can’t believe she would “stoop” so low as to talk shit about somebody she married just for fame. way to go, lady. good luck dating anybody decent after a stunt like this. by the way, pick on somebody your own size! (pun intended)

  2. nipolian

    Good for her…..I’ve heard he is a real asshole…….Then the little fucktard makes a sex video, sells it, then sues the company that showed it……karma’s a real bitch aint it Verne?

    I especially enjoyed this one:

    “He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big.”

  3. Vern

    46-48

    Ya’ll must be retarded and/or inbred to be using a word like ya’ll and to find this bitch attractive. Then again, you could just be a dumb nigger.

  4. Will

    thats fucked up man

  5. Dal

    Fuk me runnin. That’s gross. I need another shot.

  6. euotrash

    holy shit i have never felt so guilty for laughin my ass off.. hes just so little and i could swear this bitch is makin half this shit up.. cmon theres no way he could drown in a bathtub, hes still big enough to just climb out!

  7. Mike

    “It wasn’t quite as passionate as with a normal-sized man.”

    I hope she holds onto that memory,, ’cause no “normal-sized man” is ever going to touch her again. Unless he’s named Dennis Rodman.

  8. dew

    I can see trash-talking an ex about how badly he treated you, or messed around, or was a drunk. But to make fun of an ex’s disability is just skanky.

  9. Dennis Rodman

    Pass.

  10. Eeewww!

    The old “Can’t wear a condom because they dont’ fit my cock” routine. Nice, I haven’t seen that done with the “because my cock is so SMALL” option since Donald Trump found all the listening devices in the “Trump Tower”.

    Hasn’t this woman ever heard of finger cots?

    Jeez.

  11. jake

    condom can’t fit? put a piece of gum on it!

  12. Icky

    That lady is going to feed her ugly baby lobster?

  13. I trolled the hell out of the last midget-sex story, but I don’t feel very much like trolling today. It looks like you’re doing fine without my help though anyway.

    Sexy nude Barack Obama pics if you click the link!

  14. just wow

    what a fucking bitch. i meant Erin, not this crazy cunt looking for attention.

  15. catska

    in the second to last pic she’s wearing her bikini top wrong

  16. What a pathetic skank. Ew.

  17. LL

    Eh, sex with a midget dude is not even as weird as sex gets. She gets demerits for “breaking her silence” but props for not ragging on him or saying mean shit just because she can. I think the dudes who screwed Britney during her public barfing phase have more to be ashamed of than this chick.

  18. aury

    lmao…

  19. She lost the race

    What race or nationality is this dirty low life whore? She sure has a large nose.

  20. Dal

    Fuking retarded. Yeah, she should go back to pakistan or wherever the retard factory is.

  21. Not only is this woman sick, but this site is sick for exposure of their sex life. What people do in the bedroom should stay between the two of them.

  22. Lewandowski

    Jew/Nazi/Holocaust jokes are not funny…

  23. Erin

    The thing is, she’s so skinny! What do you figure – two lampshades, max?

  24. twzzlrgirl

    Ok, so how big do you think his cock actually is? An inch? Two inches?

    She was relieved when it was done? Did she even know it was happening? I mean, could she even feel it up there?

    Come on! Don’t pretend you don’t want to know…..

  25. Insatiable Peter

    He looks like Tom Cruise’s gerbil.

  26. Jackie

    what a cold ass-faced bitch

  27. momo

    I’d Schtoink her.

    and check out those nasty dirty toes in the last shot.

  28. She should die

    This is a sick age – The Age of Capitalism. Anything and everything is for sale now. The cartoons are mindless and racy which is a poor substitute for true humor. Garbage and it is not the culture of European Americans either. It is the Masters excreting their vile immorality all over the place.
    All hail the New World Order and the cunning power of the Master.

    Don’t think so?
    Good.Good boy. Sit. Roll over. Heel. Play dead.

  29. Nemesis

    #73 I really hope some day that you come out with some of that shit in the wrong crowd, which for you pretty much means anyone with a brain who’s gone past the 6th grade. I hope they look you up and down with disgust and then turn their backs on you while you keep repeating “It’s a joke! What? What’d I say that’s so wrong? It’s funny! It’s FUNNY!” I hope they just let you babble on, refusing to dirty their hands with actually throwing a drink in your face, slapping you stupid or knocking your loser ass in the gutter. And I hope the story of your humiliation follows you wherever you go for the rest of your worthless fucking pathetic life.

  30. Erin

    #80 – wow, that’s quite a comment. A little melodramatic and overwrought, like your name, but nevertheless I appreciate the effort. You can be one of the guards…for awhile at least.

  31. ASK tommy cruise FOR MIDGET-SEX?

  32. Fat bastard wants to eat that baby!

  33. Liz

    At least she doesn’t have to squat in pictures anymore.

  34. So # 78 …VERy ProFound…..
    …..Inside job ? ….
    Ever wondering where Dominic sUTER WENt ? ThaT type Of Thing ?
    Cliff Notes: ‘Frank’ – I think you should maybe check out your CAP LOCKS button before enlightening us any further.
    ‘Frank’ from 16th floor : Oh. Ok.

  35. yuckmouth

    She looks like the type of girl that does animal porn.

  36. Megan

    Alright, not to be too picky, but..
    Superficial writer, I don’t know if you even read these but there’s an apostrophe in #3 that doesn’t belong there: “On why midget’s prefer sex on dry land” Those just irk me something terrible.
    Continue with your bashing of that girl now, folks :D

  37. fatman

    Damn I’d do that whore

  38. fatman

    Damn I’d do that dirty whore

  39. .

    The comments related to jewish people/the holocaust are absolutely appalling. I’m disgusted by who ever wrote them.

  40. Jeffer

    I’m just a bit curious.The Magazine HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported her profiles were found on the famous wealthy dating club R I C H L O V I N G.C O M last week and she was seeking her new guy there now! BTW, The girls there are really hot!

  41. Geez, he’ll be battling alcohol again after this. She’s awful.

    #38, 83 – Fat Bastard: “You look like a lit’le baby. Come ‘ere, um gonna f**k you! Get in ma vagina!”

    She doesn’t look as ratty in these pics as that blue dress post. Looks okay when her hair isn’t frizzy. Flashy teeth.

  42. Vero

    Beah!Seriously!I just want to throw up.This is even worse than R.Kelly having sex with underaged girls.This is just plain sick.And to even want to talk about it , describe it , is just …….there are no words.I’ll check it out in a psychiatric diagnosis manual:)

  43. Vero

    Beah!Seriously!I just want to throw up.This is even worse than R.Kelly having sex with underaged girls.This is just plain sick.And to even want to talk about it , describe it , is just …….there are no words.I’ll check it out in a psychiatric diagnosis manual:)

  44. woodhorse

    He actually allowed someone to photograph him in a Lobster bib. The porno tape couldn’t have been hard after that.

  45. woodhorse

    I’m amazed to discover that the horror of Cisco Adler’s balls has been completely driven from my mind. Now what is it going to take to remove that “relieved that (20 minutes) was over” from my bruised psyche?

    When I watch the news, will “20 Minutes” pop into my head?

    It’s a foregone conclusion that bubble bath will sit unsold on the shelves.

    I’ll have to carry a flyswatter with me to restaurants that have bibs in order to eat my meal calmly.

  46. She said, “on the whole.” Heheheeheheheheheheheeheheee… hole.

  47. Rory

    I wonder if they made this up together. It’s just too “over the top”. But while you’re bashing this girl, remember there is a newspaper willing to pay her for her story. What does it say about them? The whole thing is just sordid and disgusting. I don’t care who has sex with whom as long as its consensual, but telling “The World” all about it in “minute detail” is not where it’s at. Icky, icky, yuck. PS Sorry about all the puns. They weren’t even intended but with this one they’re hard to avoid.

  48. Haa haaa

    I think its hilarious. He probably leaked the tape (lets face it…he did) and she is now telling her side of things–which is pretty freaking funny. The condom comment was COMEDY GOLD. What do people think shes going to do…sit back and do nothing while the world watches her farking a midget?? I dont think shes making it up. The guy is what? 2 feet tall? Yeah…he probably cant fit in any of the condoms and I would think that most people would be “relieved that its over.”

  49. David

    “Jew/Nazi/Holocaust jokes are not funny…”

    The only joke is that people still believe the “Holocaust” happened.

    Look, I’m impressed with the Jews. They saw an opportunity and seized on it. The Germans were falling and the Americans were rising in power, so they the Jews made a deal to demonize the Germans with all the bs stories about “The Final Solution” so that they could make a U.S.-financed land grab in the Middle East and get set up with a state-of-the-art military, complete with nuclear weapons. In reality, the Germans displaced a wide variety of its lower-class residents, as happens in all wars and conflicts – just look at the “famines” in Ethiopia, which are actually the result of internal fighting that moves people off farmable land and into arid regions (where, idiotically, they remain because international aid for the “famines” keeps them alive, and Ethiopia is never forced to solve its own problems). There was no “Holocaust” and there are no African “famines”, there are only internal conflicts that get packaged and sold as “tragedies” to other countries. But, no hard feelings about the Jews – they know better than any other people that in life, there’s only the ABCs: Always Be Closing.

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