Mini-Me’s ex breaks the silence on making amateur midget porn: A woman’s journey

July 7th, 2008 // 140 Comments

Cashing in while the iron’s hot, Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer’s ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider sat down for an interview with News of the World to openly discuss the couple’s sex life. I will never, ever in my entire life write anything as funny as the unintentional hilarity that comes out of Ranae’s mouth. This chick should do Vegas:

On sex in general with a midget:
“So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”

On their first time and the Mini-Me’s magical rebound skills:
“I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”

On why midget’s prefer sex on dry land:
“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub,” she said. “Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.”

Mini-Me almost drowns trying to do his girlfriend in a bubble bath. Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can’t follow something like that. I’ll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.

UPDATE: I’M A PTERODACTYL! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! P.S. We’re out of White-Out.

superficial

  1. sillysalamander

    FIRST MOTHER-BITCHES!!!!!
    Boooyah!!!!

  2. EuroNeckPain

    Sick.

  3. ToeTime

    I don’t know what to say other than she has one sexy pair of feet in picture number 8. Those I could definitely play with!

  4. sillysalamander

    wtf? you guys know that she uses Verne like as if he was a big dildo. She tells Verne to stand upright and then she lowers herself down on him getting him all the way up her twat.

  5. HA HA HA!

    HA HA HA AH HHHHAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA

    no wait!

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    Dumb hooker!

  6. me

    damnnnnnnnn that girl is cut throat. FUCK THAT WHORE.

  7. Man, I have been going through a nasty break up and I haven’t laughed in days.

    “Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can’t follow something like that. I’ll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.”

    This had me laughing my ass off for ten minutes. Well played sir and thanks I needed that.

  8. Bigheadmike

    Lets all sing!!!!
    Everybody needs somebody sometime…..

  9. Hes already a midgit for god sakes

    damn what a bitch

  10. sportsdvl

    I tried oral once with a midget, and it just wouldn’t work. His cock was too small and I ended up flossing my teeth instead. Poor little guy. Now he’s a midget and a unich. Anyhow, come check out my site for the latest in sports scores!

  11. honey

    I heard this news earlier at “”"”"”"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”" where celebrities and rich people are talking about this at forum of that site. It’s said Charlie Sheen has found his perfect match there at”"”"”C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”"

  12. Gee, can’t tell she used him so she could get her 15 minutes of fame…

    Fish, that was a great right up!

    #2 – you are a small man, maybe even mini-me small.

  13. She’s obviously trying to squeeze her 0.15 seconds of fame out of this. How sad. If she ever truly cared for him, she wouldn’t be spilling about his peanut penis and near-tragic bubble bath experiments like this. What a hoe! She’s not getting much farther than The Superficial with that horseface either, I’m afrad…

    Pour Verne! He should totally shack up with that midget porn star from yesterday’s post instead.

  14. Miss Manners

    Making fun of a D list midget – tsk, tsk. That’s something only a selfish titless pathetic media whore of a whore would do. Oh wait.

  15. justifiable

    Jeezusss, not even Gary Coleman’s lameass wife went here – well, not that she could, him being a professional virgin and all, but this bitch should really shut her flapping pie hole, what’s she’s doing is really low. Yeah, alright, I said “low”.

  16. #11 – pathetic attempt at douche bag trollism.

    I bet this chick’s parents are SO proud of her after all of this has come out! Nothing makes a Dad prouder than hearing how his whore of a daughter fucked a midget.

  17. Lipper

    Her nose is HUGE! Too bad Verne didn’t have a big nose like that to make up for his little mini me.

  18. honeysacunt

    I was beating off to giraffe porn earlier at “”"”"”"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”" where members of NAMBLA (the North American Man Boy Love Association) are talking about methods of how to lure young boys to their homes for subsequent rape and torture. It’s said Amy Winehouse along and The Pope have found their perfect match there at”"”"”C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”"

  19. Barely Stearn

    I don’t know what to say other than sometimes the reader comment section is absolutely superfluous. I mean, what in the hell can anyone say that would be funnier, more ironic, more comically bizarre, more cutting and heartless than this gal’s story. Jesus. Just. Jesus.

  20. Sportsdvl

    Again, come check out my site. I’ve also fucked several midgets including my younger brother and cousin (at the same time while they were tied to a public toilet)

    -Sportsdvl

  21. Barely Stearn

    P.S.!
    Crikey! If I didn’t know better I’d say that was my wife describing sex with me!

  22. veggi

    “Her nose is HUGE!”

    Well…the air is free, and she’s Jewish.

  23. cate

    Wow. What a fucking bitch. I feel sorry for the guy… that’s humiliating.

  24. havoc

    um…

    yeah….

    kay…..

    .

  25. spicegrrl

    For the rest of her life she should only have a bunch of little dickings rather than one big good hard long pounding that does the job. She obviously values quantity over anything else.
    P.S. She can’t apply eye makeup to save her life.

  26. Erin

    I’m starting to think we shouldn’t have turned of the ovens…

  27. justifiable

    Vern should ankle-bite and roll her to the curb. He deserves better.

  28. Deacon Jones

    Fish!

    That last paragraph goes in the hall of fame of writeups for this site!

    I snorted coffee out my nose while I was on a conference call, fucking great man!

  29. steve

    What a bitch! He should get back with her, just one more time, and then sink his teeth into her labia and rip them out by their roots.

  30. loose_change

    #27 Light em ‘up Erin, but you get to go in first.

  31. Pickle was Tickled

    So she has Mini-Me sperm swimming all up in her?

    I sense a sequel.

  32. justifiable

    #32 I sense lunch coming up.

  33. Erin

    #31 – hey, I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means we finally rid the earth of filthy jews.

  34. Nick

    Jewish girls rock.
    And fuck you Erin.

  35. sig heil!

    I’m warming up the ovens as we speak. Can’t wait to welcome Ranae to Auschwitz!

    SIG HEIL you dirty gypsy kaballah reading and midget banging k i k e!

  36. loose_change

    #34 Nice threadkill, cunt. Fuck off and die.

  37. havoc

    How the fuck can you have sex with something that looks like it just came OUT of your vagina?

    .

  38. Erin

    #35 – actually I agree: stone Jewish girls.

  39. Pussy Galore

    Poor little dwarf….that is so hilarious…you just can’t make up stuff like that.

  40. MinistarFucker

    I had a very disappointing girlfriend a long time ago. We liked her because she was good-looking, like a thin version of Kim K.. But one day she told us she had fucked a D-list celebrity, a comic guy who was neither attractive nor intelligent, and she found it very normal, like everyone would do it given the opportunity. A little bit of fame and all standards vanish. The pretty girl becomes the toy of any monkey-faced midget as long as he is a little bit famous.

  41. StaatsOperazion fur Remedialasche Spelling

    #36 Nothing worse than a Nazi that can’t spell “seig”! BWAHAHAHAHA, you fucktard, no wonder you lost the fucking war.

  42. Matthew

    Of course she only hooked up with him to get attention by selling her story. It’s not because he has no redeeming qualities. It’s because she’s Jewish.

  43. mai-tai

    First off, let me please say – The Superficial is the shi-bang-bang! I love you all!

    B, this chick is retarded. Can someone please knock this bitch off? I mean, she had relations with a little person. I personaly don’t need the details. It’s not like it’s that surprising.

    I hope she got a mini STD.

  44. loose_change

    #42 You can’t either, it’s ‘sieg’ but I bet yours was a typo.

  45. sarah

    oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?

    who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

    besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!

  46. sarah

    oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?

    who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

    besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!

  47. sarah

    oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?

    who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

    besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!

  48. Deacon Jones

    @43

    HAHAHA. You’re probably right. I guess from here she’ll either become a producer or slip-and-fall lawyer.

  49. justifiable

    #46-48 etc. Sarah, when your orgasm is over we’d all appreciate it if you’d stop hitting the “post your comment” button.

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