Cashing in while the iron’s hot, Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer’s ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider sat down for an interview with News of the World to openly discuss the couple’s sex life. I will never, ever in my entire life write anything as funny as the unintentional hilarity that comes out of Ranae’s mouth. This chick should do Vegas:
On sex in general with a midget:
“So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”
On their first time and the Mini-Me’s magical rebound skills:
“I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”
On why midget’s prefer sex on dry land:
“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub,” she said. “Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.”
Mini-Me almost drowns trying to do his girlfriend in a bubble bath. Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can’t follow something like that. I’ll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.
UPDATE: I’M A PTERODACTYL! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! P.S. We’re out of White-Out.
Rob | July 7, 2008 at 4:27 pm
haha
sillysalamander | July 7, 2008 at 4:27 pm
FIRST MOTHER-BITCHES!!!!!
Boooyah!!!!
EuroNeckPain | July 7, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Sick.
ToeTime | July 7, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I don’t know what to say other than she has one sexy pair of feet in picture number 8. Those I could definitely play with!
sillysalamander | July 7, 2008 at 4:31 pm
wtf? you guys know that she uses Verne like as if he was a big dildo. She tells Verne to stand upright and then she lowers herself down on him getting him all the way up her twat.
HA HA HA! | July 7, 2008 at 4:33 pm
HA HA HA AH HHHHAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA
no wait!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Dumb hooker!
me | July 7, 2008 at 4:34 pm
damnnnnnnnn that girl is cut throat. FUCK THAT WHORE.
wakmofo | July 7, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Man, I have been going through a nasty break up and I haven’t laughed in days.
“Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can’t follow something like that. I’ll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.”
This had me laughing my ass off for ten minutes. Well played sir and thanks I needed that.
Bigheadmike | July 7, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Lets all sing!!!!
Everybody needs somebody sometime…..
Hes already a midgit for god sakes | July 7, 2008 at 4:36 pm
damn what a bitch
sportsdvl | July 7, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I tried oral once with a midget, and it just wouldn’t work. His cock was too small and I ended up flossing my teeth instead. Poor little guy. Now he’s a midget and a unich. Anyhow, come check out my site for the latest in sports scores!
honey | July 7, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I heard this news earlier at “”"”"”"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”" where celebrities and rich people are talking about this at forum of that site. It’s said Charlie Sheen has found his perfect match there at”"”"”C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”"
Sportsdvl | July 7, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Gee, can’t tell she used him so she could get her 15 minutes of fame…
Fish, that was a great right up!
#2 – you are a small man, maybe even mini-me small.
Nicole Kai | July 7, 2008 at 4:38 pm
She’s obviously trying to squeeze her 0.15 seconds of fame out of this. How sad. If she ever truly cared for him, she wouldn’t be spilling about his peanut penis and near-tragic bubble bath experiments like this. What a hoe! She’s not getting much farther than The Superficial with that horseface either, I’m afrad…
Pour Verne! He should totally shack up with that midget porn star from yesterday’s post instead.
Miss Manners | July 7, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Making fun of a D list midget – tsk, tsk. That’s something only a selfish titless pathetic media whore of a whore would do. Oh wait.
justifiable | July 7, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Jeezusss, not even Gary Coleman’s lameass wife went here – well, not that she could, him being a professional virgin and all, but this bitch should really shut her flapping pie hole, what’s she’s doing is really low. Yeah, alright, I said “low”.
Sportsdvl | July 7, 2008 at 4:39 pm
#11 – pathetic attempt at douche bag trollism.
I bet this chick’s parents are SO proud of her after all of this has come out! Nothing makes a Dad prouder than hearing how his whore of a daughter fucked a midget.
Lipper | July 7, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Her nose is HUGE! Too bad Verne didn’t have a big nose like that to make up for his little mini me.
honeysacunt | July 7, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I was beating off to giraffe porn earlier at “”"”"”"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”" where members of NAMBLA (the North American Man Boy Love Association) are talking about methods of how to lure young boys to their homes for subsequent rape and torture. It’s said Amy Winehouse along and The Pope have found their perfect match there at”"”"”C e l e b C u p i d.c o m”"”"”"
Barely Stearn | July 7, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I don’t know what to say other than sometimes the reader comment section is absolutely superfluous. I mean, what in the hell can anyone say that would be funnier, more ironic, more comically bizarre, more cutting and heartless than this gal’s story. Jesus. Just. Jesus.
Sportsdvl | July 7, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Again, come check out my site. I’ve also fucked several midgets including my younger brother and cousin (at the same time while they were tied to a public toilet)
-Sportsdvl
Barely Stearn | July 7, 2008 at 4:48 pm
P.S.!
Crikey! If I didn’t know better I’d say that was my wife describing sex with me!
veggi | July 7, 2008 at 4:49 pm
“Her nose is HUGE!”
Well…the air is free, and she’s Jewish.
cate | July 7, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Wow. What a fucking bitch. I feel sorry for the guy… that’s humiliating.
havoc | July 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm
um…
yeah….
kay…..
.
spicegrrl | July 7, 2008 at 4:53 pm
For the rest of her life she should only have a bunch of little dickings rather than one big good hard long pounding that does the job. She obviously values quantity over anything else.
P.S. She can’t apply eye makeup to save her life.
Erin | July 7, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I’m starting to think we shouldn’t have turned of the ovens…
justifiable | July 7, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Vern should ankle-bite and roll her to the curb. He deserves better.
Deacon Jones | July 7, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Fish!
That last paragraph goes in the hall of fame of writeups for this site!
I snorted coffee out my nose while I was on a conference call, fucking great man!
steve | July 7, 2008 at 4:59 pm
What a bitch! He should get back with her, just one more time, and then sink his teeth into her labia and rip them out by their roots.
loose_change | July 7, 2008 at 4:59 pm
#27 Light em ‘up Erin, but you get to go in first.
Pickle was Tickled | July 7, 2008 at 5:00 pm
So she has Mini-Me sperm swimming all up in her?
I sense a sequel.
justifiable | July 7, 2008 at 5:03 pm
#32 I sense lunch coming up.
Erin | July 7, 2008 at 5:03 pm
#31 – hey, I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means we finally rid the earth of filthy jews.
Nick | July 7, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Jewish girls rock.
And fuck you Erin.
sig heil! | July 7, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I’m warming up the ovens as we speak. Can’t wait to welcome Ranae to Auschwitz!
SIG HEIL you dirty gypsy kaballah reading and midget banging k i k e!
loose_change | July 7, 2008 at 5:06 pm
#34 Nice threadkill, cunt. Fuck off and die.
havoc | July 7, 2008 at 5:07 pm
How the fuck can you have sex with something that looks like it just came OUT of your vagina?
.
Erin | July 7, 2008 at 5:07 pm
#35 – actually I agree: stone Jewish girls.
Pussy Galore | July 7, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Poor little dwarf….that is so hilarious…you just can’t make up stuff like that.
MinistarFucker | July 7, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I had a very disappointing girlfriend a long time ago. We liked her because she was good-looking, like a thin version of Kim K.. But one day she told us she had fucked a D-list celebrity, a comic guy who was neither attractive nor intelligent, and she found it very normal, like everyone would do it given the opportunity. A little bit of fame and all standards vanish. The pretty girl becomes the toy of any monkey-faced midget as long as he is a little bit famous.
StaatsOperazion fur Remedialasche Spelling | July 7, 2008 at 5:11 pm
#36 Nothing worse than a Nazi that can’t spell “seig”! BWAHAHAHAHA, you fucktard, no wonder you lost the fucking war.
Matthew | July 7, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Of course she only hooked up with him to get attention by selling her story. It’s not because he has no redeeming qualities. It’s because she’s Jewish.
mai-tai | July 7, 2008 at 5:14 pm
First off, let me please say – The Superficial is the shi-bang-bang! I love you all!
B, this chick is retarded. Can someone please knock this bitch off? I mean, she had relations with a little person. I personaly don’t need the details. It’s not like it’s that surprising.
I hope she got a mini STD.
loose_change | July 7, 2008 at 5:14 pm
#42 You can’t either, it’s ‘sieg’ but I bet yours was a typo.
sarah | July 7, 2008 at 5:22 pm
oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?
who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!
besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!
sarah | July 7, 2008 at 5:23 pm
oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?
who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!
besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!
sarah | July 7, 2008 at 5:23 pm
oh my god… this is too hilarious. thank you superficial!!! i brave the unflattering pics just for posts such as these!!! girl, why did u date verne troyer? why would u tell people these things?
who cares!!! THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!
besides all yall hating on her looks, u know shes cute. a midget got a better looking chick that all yall!!!
Deacon Jones | July 7, 2008 at 5:25 pm
@43
HAHAHA. You’re probably right. I guess from here she’ll either become a producer or slip-and-fall lawyer.
justifiable | July 7, 2008 at 5:27 pm
#46-48 etc. Sarah, when your orgasm is over we’d all appreciate it if you’d stop hitting the “post your comment” button.