Miley Cyrus makes shelf space for her Pulitzer prize

October 15th, 2008 // 68 Comments

Good news; Miley Cyrus has finished her autobiography! Yes, we’ve reached a point where a 15-year-old Disney puppet feels entitled to publish her life story. Hey, she deserves it. We all do. Because we suck. The Sun reports:

The book deals with Miley’s upbringing as daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus and reveal[s] how her solid relationship with her family, especially her mother Leticia, helps her navigate the spotlight.
Miley, who is currently filming Hannah Montana: The Movie said: “I’m not sure when it’s going to come out.
It’s finished but you’ve got a long process of editing and all that kind of stuff, so it takes a while.”

“Editing and all that kind of stuff.” Outstanding. This ought to be a real page-turner:

It was the biggest dilemma I ever faced in my life: Should I buy the life-size gold-plated pony, or the Corvette that runs on gumdrops? I hadn’t been this torn since my Teen Cosmo cover shoot, when I wanted to wear pale pink lipstick on my nipples, but Dad kept pushing for magenta because it “brings out those purty eyes of yer’n.” In the end, we compromised and settled on lavender. Because that’s what being part of a family is about: compromise.

Hopefully school administrators are preparing for a change in their curricula, because once this thing hits the shelves, Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl won’t even be suitable for ass wipe.

Photos: WENN

  1. king

    lol,she is funny…
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  2. paeton

    please please superficial… put something else up so i don’t have to look at that weird ‘i made a poop’ face!

  3. mamadough

    holy shit i’m having a retarded day. started to read the second paragraph and thought it was real until i hit the lipstick on the nipples part. fucking thursdays.

  4. Chaos

    LOL. because we suck! that disney hor needs a new job!

  5. whatever yo

    what is there to say about her life that isn’t already pointed out in the teeny bopper magazines??

    Seriously, Britney did more by 15 than Miley…. This is all for the money..

    And Miley is going to sell out badly very very soon… She’s here now, but she’ll soon be gone. There isn’t anything special about her. She walks around eating ice cream, dating older men and being stupid on YouTube.

    She’s 15, does she even know how to put a proper sentence together? Does she even know the different parts of speech?

    I think it’s ridiculous and she probably didn’t write this book. It was most likely a ghost writer who had to go through all the suffering about how she lost her Barbie doll a couple years ago.

  6. Turd Ferguson

    Is this a picture book? Connect the dots? Color by numbers?
    What the fuck could a 15 year old possibly have to say about life?

    “Daddy bought me some horseys.
    oh, and a mouse gives me tons of money to sing stupid songs that idiotic kids buy. ….ok, bye”
    -the end


  7. pat

    Well, of course she’s not writing this book. From Disney’s point of view she’s a hot commercial property, and hot commercial properties have books about them. I haven’t checked but I’m sure other companies have already issued their own Miley Cyrus books, assembled from magazine stories.

    Disney wants some of that action, so they had someone talk to Miley for a little while and then write the book. Talking to her “co-writer” would be the extent of Miley’s involvement. It has nothing to do with Miley “wanting” to write a book, or “needing” to tell her life story. She does what she’s told by the boss.

    This kind of thing has been going on for decades – no reason to get upset or excited about this one.

  8. g

    i agree she is going to sell out really, really soon. which is a shame because i actually really like her

  9. If that picture of her does not illustrate what a hideous, fugly, chipmunk, beaver, lazy-eyed, pig-faced, fish-lipped, fat cheeked, dick chinned, piece of white trash, UGGO she is, I don’t know what will.

  10. aw!

    This ugly little twat couldn’t possibly have anything to say after living only 15 years. That another ridiculous way for her to grab people’s money. (At least she isn’t screaming–I mean singing agin.)

  11. Miley is the next Jim Carrey

    15 years old, hundreds of millions of dollars, a decent bod, can sing, dance, and now she’s conclusively demonstrated that she’s Miss Rubber Face. This girl can do anything she wants. When she gets bored with singing and dancing, and she will if she isn’t already, she’ll probably give comedy a shot. I think Miss Rubber Face here may very well give Jim Carrey a run for his money, not that I care.

  12. Putz Balzac

    Her most effective birth-control device is her face.

  13. santo

    barely literate

    Another piece of shit redneck trash. As if anyone is interested in the little whore. Anyone else have a local radio station offering “no Miley Cyrus, just the best music”? Hopefully it’ll catch on; if I never see or hear about the god-damned rednecks ever again I’ll be happy every day. Please G0d, I promise, no more Miley and I will behave properly for the rest of my life.

  14. twzzlrgirl

    She looks like a frickin’ duck in that first pic.

    And have you listened to most 15 year old kids talk lately. Holy crap…SOME editing??? She might be in her 30s before a whole company of editors can even make it readable.

  15. tre

    “…she is going to sell out really, really soon…”

    So you’re implying that she has not yet sold out?

  16. Nikky Raney

    this is a joke right?

  17. This fucking God Awful Intellectually stagnant society gets worse by the day, I swear to Christ.
    As an aspiring writer with more intelligence and literary capacity in my toe fungus than this worthless whore in training possesses throughout her entire being, this upsets me more than American pop culture’s everyday mentally agonizing excrement.

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