Miley Cyrus put on ice (No, Hannah Montana isn’t doing an ice show. Spaz.)

May 2nd, 2008 // 80 Comments

The rumors about Disney keeping Miley Cyrus out of the spotlight are apparently true. Damage control is in full effect after her “pedophile’s dream come true” photo shoot (actual quote from Christian Coalition. Okay, not really.) Miley was scheduled to appear at Walt Disney World but mysteriously backed out at the last minute, according to Us Magazine:

The 15-year-old — who shocked fans by posing semi-topless for the magazine — has pulled out of a weekend media party to promote the “Disney Channel Games,” Walt Disney World spokesman Gary Buchanan said Thursday. She was set to attend the bash, along with other Disney Channel stars.

My sources tell me Miley is locked in an underground bunker with Natty Gann, Pollyanna and the sister from Escape from to Witch Mountain. If nobody knows who the hell those three are, I now feel super old and will spend the rest of the day sobbing into my donut. *bites* Hey, my tears taste like chocolate. Then the prophecy is true: Willy Wonka is my real dad! Mom, how could you?! I mean, without smuggling me home an Oompa Loompa in your purse. You never loved me!

Photo: Vanity Fair
superficial

  1. woodhorse

    That looks like someone told a cocker spaniel “Do your sexy look”

  2. woodhorse

    ……….and I was first all you Knob Polishers.

  3. Mabe she should move to Austria… they have ways of dealing with insolent children out there…

  4. Tim

    jesus christ, this is seriously the stupidest thing. shes 15 and posing wrapped in a blanket, it’s not even a big deal. at all!!!!! I don’t even like the little twat and even I feel sorry for her at this point, this is just retarded!

  5. Im 21 and yes I recall seeing Escape from Witch Mountain.
    So chill dude. lmao

    I think this whole thing with Miley is going out control:
    sure she takes pics of herself flashing her bra
    sure she loves sex and the city
    and so what if they took a pic of her bare back

    She is actually behind, most girls do this at age 11-12

  6. e

    Pollyanna..hahahahhahahahahahah….

  7. steve

    hell yea it’s a “pedophile’s dream come true” I havent stopped stroking it since.

    oh and woodhorse smokes pole.

  8. jesus

    I still never got the whole problem with showing a bare back. I guess this is why I can never be a Christian and will burn in hell for all eternity…..that and for the dead body I keep under my bed. Thats what she gets for trying to leave me.

  9. nipolian

    I say send her to the Yearning for Zion Ranch in Texas. They have what she needs there.

  10. what’s wrong with showing some skin. OMG! I do it all the time!!!!!!!!!! It’s fun. Get over it peoples.

  11. Erin

    I love your blog, because it always makes me laugh….but you have an error. I’m 25 and I do remember those movies, but I must correct you. It’s Escape to Witch Mountain . The sequel was Return from Witch Mountain .

  12. 1BigBear

    What the fuck: “posing semi-topless”? How can she do that? You are either topless or nor, naked or not. Whining bitch was wrapped in a fucking blanket. That is not topless. It’s not naked. It’s not even interesting.

  13. ldsqtbea

    #8
    hilarious !!! … jesus lol

  14. will

    Fish, you are so fucking lame and cannot write.

  15. I can show you want showing is

  16. Donkey Punch

    I have worked for Disney on a TV show and I can tell you they are definitely run by Christians. The actually Disney execs that came to the shoot were very cool but you can tell that they wanted TV programming for the religious nuts.

    “Standards & Practices” is a very active department with them.

  17. Jim

    WTF is “semi-topless”?!?!

    That is easily the single-stupidest thing I’ve read in a month.

    “Hey, that chick’s topless!”

    “No, see the pasties? That’s just *semi-topless*.”

    Everyone making a mountain out of this needs something to fill their time with, because they have way too much of it on their hands.

  18. Bill Clinton

    She has no talent and is an ugly hairy spawn of a mullet-dick.

  19. Bob Sura

    Tia was hawt back in the day! (the sister from “Witch Mountain”) — She was Christina Ricci’s Mom in Black Snake Moan

  20. pathetic

    None of you idiots posting about how it’s no big deal have kids or realize what a role model she is. She had no business posing like that. You guys are all ignorant to think it’s no big deal. She put herself out there as a role model, she needs to act like one and not take pictures like a little sex queen. She was the only good one out there and now she’s ruined.

    People these days have no morals or values left at all. You all act like animals.
    It’s no wonder we’re where we are at in society these days. Go move to dirty Europe.

  21. 1BigBear

    On a second thought:
    In all this crazy over-the-top shit actually is a story. It a story of a 15year old that is obviously controlled by Disneys christian executive offers. Poor bitch can not get photos of herself taken without being “kept out of the spotlight”?! Fuck me. Slavery is a sin too!

  22. Let this be a lession to everyone hear. Walt Disney doesn’t want you to expose yourself until you are legal. Even then, Walt Disney isn’t so happy. I exposed myself at Epcot this year, Walt Disney wasn’t happy

  23. 20. pathetic

    I get your point,but you know damn straight their are no role models in this era for no one, not even kids. Everyone who has come from Disney has whored it up. Britney Spears = the queen of dumb bitches. Christina = Marilyn Monroe wannabee whore. Lindsey= crack whore. Hilary Duff = Stuffed a scorpion down her Vajayjay. Brit lil sister = pregnant. Vanessa H. from High School Musical nude pics.

    Come on. So what are you having a tantrum about? Common sense says their are no role models for kids anymore. That’s your job.

  24. nipolian

    #23 – I can’t wait for Kim Possible to start whoring it up and come out with a sex tape.

  25. JollyJumJuck

    So how is it that some people with Christian morals and values can preach love and forgiveness, and then attack one of their own like a pack of rabid dogs?

  26. restingonlaurels

    @ 20 and 23, why do your childrens’ role models have to be from television? perhaps you are the poor role model by using the tv as a babysitter and expecting it to teach your children moral values to live by. indeed, you are pathetic.

  27. sg

    Prudish Americans. get off your high horse. since when is baring your upper back “semi-topless”? I’m with you, Jim @17

  28. 26. restingonlaurels
    Im on ur side dummy

  29. Clem

    Who cares? She’s got a face like a slapped arse anyway.

  30. 24. nipolian

    Oh, But thier is = MANY

  31. b

    Hey, the sister from Witch Mountain is Paris Hilton’s aunt. No lie.

  32. b

    Hey, the sister from Witch Mountain is Paris Hilton’s aunt. No lie.

  33. spreadthehate

    @20. how bout everybody stop freak’n looking for role models there is none.
    if you want a role model for your kid YOU clean up your life, exercise, stop wearing those skanky clothes, and make your kid some fucking dinner instead of giving them a microwavable dinner. They look for role models on tv b/c you are the one that is pathetic.

  34. spreadthehate

    @20. how bout everybody stop freak’n looking for role models there is none.
    if you want a role model for your kid you clean up your life, exercise, stop wearing those skanky clothes, and make your kid some fucking dinner instead of giving them a microwavable dinner. They look for role models on tv b/c you are the one that is pathetic.

  35. spreadthehate

    @20. how bout everybody stop freak’n looking for role models there is none.
    if you want a role model for your kid YOU clean up your life, exercise, stop wearing those skanky clothes, and make your kid some fucking dinner instead of giving them a microwavable dinner. They look for role models on tv b/c you are the one that is pathetic.

  36. meh

    So I don’t really understand Disney’s stance on this. They want her to hide out, but they’re the people making the huge fuss about this…I don’t get that.

    I also don’t get what the big deal about a bare upper back is…BUT as an older sister and a mom, I would NEVER let my child pose for a magazine like that. That seems to be the problem here. I’ve seen pictures of this bitch on this site and I would never let my sister or my daughter walk out of the house with half the make up this girl wears under the age of 16…or wear the clothes that she wears. Needless to say, I do not support a lot of parents’ ideas of making their children celebrities and not looking out for their best interest as a parent. They are the reasons we have Britney Spears and the like. It’s not TV’s fault, it’s not the media’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault except the goddamn parents. Take a little responsibility for your children fuck heads. They aren’t a meal ticket, they are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

    That being said, I need pizza.

  37. meh

    So I don’t really understand Disney’s stance on this. They want her to hide out, but they’re the people making the huge fuss about this…I don’t get that.

    I also don’t get what the big deal about a bare upper back is…BUT as an older sister and a mom, I would NEVER let my child pose for a magazine like that. That seems to be the problem here. I’ve seen pictures of this bitch on this site and I would never let my sister or my daughter walk out of the house with half the make up this girl wears under the age of 16…or wear the clothes that she wears. Needless to say, I do not support a lot of parents’ ideas of making their children celebrities and not looking out for their best interest as a parent. They are the reasons we have Britney Spears and the like. It’s not TV’s fault, it’s not the media’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault except the goddamn parents. Take a little responsibility for your children fuck heads. They aren’t a meal ticket, they are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

    That being said, I need pizza.

  38. Dear Super

    Damn man I want some of whatever the Fish is on!!!!!!! Jeez that’s good stuff!!!
    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! :)
    I laughed so hard I not only flooded my panties (Mom’s), but I felt the a couple inches of feces protruding but fortunately (due to the air pressure from my vacuous cranium) I heroically sucked it back in.

  39. spreadthehate

    @20.
    if you want a role model for your kid YOU clean up your life, exercise, stop wearing those skanky clothes, and make your kid some fucking dinner instead of giving them a microwavable dinner. They look for role models on tv b/c you are the one that is pathetic.

  40. miley cyrus is not a slut!!

    #20. How does posing with an exposed back mean someone has no values? I’m sure you have done muccch worse than that..

    POLLYANNA!! hahahah i used to eat that shit up!

  41. miley cyrus is not a slut!!

    #20. How does posing with an exposed back mean someone has no values? I’m sure you have done muccch worse than that..

    POLLYANNA!! hahahah i used to eat that shit up!

  42. miley cyrus is not a slut!!

    #20. How does posing with an exposed back mean someone has no values? I’m sure you have done muccch worse than that..

    POLLYANNA!! hahahah i used to eat that shit up!

  43. Aerialgreen

    100 bucks says she was doing another “artistic” pictorial for Hustler magazine…

  44. LEAVE MILEY ALONE!

    How come Disney didn’t make this big of a deal when Vanessa Hudgens was showing her shit all over the internet? Wasn’t she a minor when the pictures were taken?
    She gave some lame ass apology for showing her twat to millions of people and no ones said anything since…
    but let this poor girl do a professional photoshoot and you have a bunch of pissed off people…
    weird.

  45. It's Britney Bitches

    #38 hahahaha thank you for the laugh. I laughed at what you wrote hard enough to choke a little on my saliva. But not hard enough to be prairie-doggin’ in my undies.

  46. Leah

    They are making a big deal out of something that would have blown over very quickly if they had left it alone.

    I think the picture was pretty tame…”artistic” c.1920, maybe not exactly what a 15 yr old should do but still…Also I don’t think children really need to make people from tv shows into role models. It really skews their sense of reality.

    Oh, and I’m a Christian and I have 4 kids.

  47. j

    Dude – I LOVED the Adventures of Natty Gann!!!! OMG – John Cusack at his hottest. : ) Totally brought back some awesome memories — Thanks!

  48. Solaera

    Tia! I loved Escape to Witch Mountain when I was little. Kim Richards is currently filming Race to Witch Mountain, whatever that is. Additionally, Kim is Paris Hilton’s aunt. Paris’ mother and Kim are sisters. Kinda weird. Poor Kim.

  49. j

    So, apparently, it’s the Journey of Natty Gann. My bad. Great movie.

  50. Prairie Dog

    #45 I love you. You have given me a name that I will cherish here forever!

    Thank you Miss Britney Bitches! Smootches and fondles and fingers inserted!

    xoxoxo666…69…86…xoxoxo

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