Miley Cyrus is cuckoo for Jesus Puffs

March 25th, 2008 // 54 Comments

Miley Cyrus dedicated the latest episode of The Miley and Mandy Show to Jesus. Apparently the show is unleashed on unsuspecting YouTube users to make them want to drink battery acid. Mission accomplished. Here’s a snippet of the mind-numbing conversation:

We love Jesus! Jesus rocks! She dances for Jesus. I sing, dance and act for Jesus! Now that I think about it, I do everything for Jesus. We make the YouTube videos for Jesus. We’re all about it.”

Not to tread on ground South Park already covered, but there’s just something frightening about a young rising Disney star who’s steeped in down home Southern religion. I mean, Christ (no pun intended), how many more vaginas am I going to be exposed to until somebody does something? I’m just a man made of flesh and bone and, yeah, sure, granite that’s centrally located in the abdominal region. But does that mean I don’t have feelings too. If you cut me, do I not also bleed? If you serve me whiskey, do I not hit on your grandmother? (Psst! Mildred, call me!)

Thanks to Michele who is cuckoo for molecular pharmacology. Or was it ponies? Eh, close enough.

superficial

  1. vfids

    first

  2. ratatouille

    second

  3. Dooz

    fix your italics

  4. Guy

    itallics, lol wut

  5. Gerald_Tarrant

    Close the html tag. Christ, I hate when I forget a

    Miley Cyrus will be doing porn within 7 years. Whether it is for my own personal collection or public (or both?) doesn’t matter. Her vagina (not Billy Ray, that’s her douche) will be seen soon.

  6. mimi

    Unfortunately for some of us who HATE Fish-Gutz…

    Jesus LOVES all you A-holes including Fish-Head!

  7. die white cracker die like sept 11 die

  8. Grunion

    If there was a god the Hogans would not exist

  9. I'd hit it

    Miley Cyrus is sooo fucking hot.

  10. #1 – are you almost as big of a loser as Miley is for all this Jesus smack. Oh yes, like Jesus loves it when people pimp out their young daughters to make a buck. Miley is already taking turns sucking Disney Exec dick (as soon as your talentless Dad is done that is).

  11. sportmike

    SHES RELLY BEAUTIFULL HAS ANYONE GOT HER CONTACT DETILS?

  12. DD's

    Yeah right……………..

    I suck cock for Jesus……………..

    I do ass-to-mouth for Jesus….

    I fuck Jimbo for Jesus…………..

    Texas Tranny wears pretty panties for Jesus…..

    Who Would Jesus Fuck………………WWJF

  13. YesAndNo

    Did anyone actually listen to the video?? How are these girls popular? They can barely speak English! Miley acts like she’s a big Hollywood star and lacks any ounce of humility and her partner Mandy is the biggest tool I’ve ever seen. Kids worship them??? I weep for American pop culture.

  14. bry

    why did I watch that? I hate you.

  15. higgins

    @DD

    Go eat a lemon, you contemptible mountain of mutilated distended rectums

  16. Sherry

    This country does not even realize what it is doing to our freedom of speech. Miley is a descent girl, not many of them in her buisness. So lets give her credit. She’s not on drugs and does not use langues like the inconsiderate people on this blog. We owe her respect for her beliefs whether they are ours or not and if nothing else but becuase you would want her to respect yours. what has made everyone so skeptical?

  17. higgins

    Sherry Sherry
    ill pop your cherry

  18. @13 I am easy. What ever it takes to get laid, I am happy.

  19. Edgar Cayce

    This is the problem with Christianity; everyone thinks they have to announce their faith to Jesus. The true Christians are humble and do not do such things. I am Agnostic but the true meaning of faith is not annoucing it to everyone, but by ones actions. If she truly believed in Jesus, she would not be a celebrity right now; she would be focusing on her studies to try to become something to improve the world. But a lot of people use Jesus to show how rightous they are or believe this takes them closer to heaven. Your actions will determine your fate, not whether you announced your love for Jesus.

  20. Mary

    Miley – sorry, but my son just isn’t into you.

  21. maria

    Mr Edgar Cayce I don’t agree with anything thing you stated. I am a Christian and am happy to announce my love and appreciation to the only one that gave this world a chance. For you to sit here and say that as Christians we shouldn’t show are beliefs is totally ridiculous, our faith is our way of life it is a part of who we are and how we identify ourselves. People think christianity is a religion and it’s not. Your actions do determine your fate but you will not go to heaven just because your a good person. What keeps us strong is our faith in the lord we base our faith in him and through him all things are possible. It has been proven that prayer and faith can change any circumstance but it’s those that do believe that things are made possible. I hope you never have to have any adversity in life but remember the lord is there to pick u you up and guide you through any hardship and you will come back stronger than ever.

  22. Joseph

    Miley loves Jesus so much she licks his never-healing wounds. He reciprocates.

  23. The Kilted Yaksman

    Sherry,
    I respect her beliefs as much as I would respect a sincere belief in the Easter Bunny. That is, not at all.

  24. bustoff

    Jesus! What a bubble head!

  25. Zeus

    #20 – agnostics are pussies. Grow a pair, become an atheist, then come back and spew your drivel at us.

  26. Mildred Pierce

    Leave my granddaughter alone!!!

    Or else Thurston Moore will kick you in the face. With guitar solos.

  27. ubee0173

    what a nad!!! someone needs 10cc’s of athiesm, STAT!

  28. 4life

    fuck jesus. didn’t that nigga just done come up out the grave yo? zombie jesus all wanting to be eatin a nigga’s brains and shit.

  29. Ron

    Wow Cyrus thinks she’s the bees knees

    How sad for that 20 year old Mandy to be taking orders from a 15 year old

    Cyrus’ voice is going to go at a very young age, she already sounds like an old man

    Have to say I’m looking forward to her sharp and inevitable decline, she’s a stuck up little bitch

  30. dffksdffkf

    they seem like a lesbian couple. but seriously, could miley cyrus be more annoying??? she doesn’t let that girl talk for more than 5 seconds before interrupting her.

  31. cavy

    It never fails…celebs, or any other person with power, preach about ‘religious values’ turn out to be the BIGGEST hypocrites. I can’t wait to see what this one does….

  32. Rev. Jim Bakker

    This always means one thing: in the bedroom, she’s a dirty dirty girl. (yes, I know how old she is)

  33. Rev. Pat Robertson

    I wonder if she dedicated the facial I gave her last night to Jesus. I know I did.

  34. Dim Bulb

    I’m a “dim bulb for Jesus” – I light the darkness as best I can – without me, there would be no way to ID sinners in the night
    You know, a young rising Disney star who’s steeped in down home Southern religion may be just the thing Hollywood needs

  35. Wow, this is really cool these girls do all that and love me so much.
    Come children and show me how much you love me, kneel at my feet and let me anoint their faces with my holy seed.
    Then let me slap your asses while giving me a rusty trombone, leading into what I like to call the 3 way crucifixion position.

    Ahh blessed are those amongst women and blessed is the load on your face.
    Amen

  36. Edgar Cayce

    #27 Zeus

    lol!

    Agnostic=Athiest without balls!

  37. The Laughing God

    @20 well said, but @27 is right, atheist is where it is at!

    @22 “Your actions do determine your fate but you will not go to heaven just because your a good person. ” Wow! I guess that is why the westboro baptist church is the way they are the way they are, take a look at that thought process. http://youtube.com/watch?v=-gX-vQ5sMOw

    I think the main reason the Jews, get less flak for their religion is that they never shove it in other people’s faces. At heart, a lot of people really don’t care what other people do to themselves, but when you start shoving it into other people’s faces they start to get pissed, which is why Catholicism and its derivatives get hated on way more than any other religion, and actually PROMOTE more agnostic and atheist “believers,” as most of us tend to come from this religion than any other one.

  38. HELP

    #20 — The REAL problem w/ Christians is they think that, because Jesus “died for their sins” they can do whatever the hell they want. “I can cheat and lie and be an adulterer, etc. because my sins are already forgiven. cool!!” It’s like they think they have a get out of jail free card.

    Seriously, watch for those people with the WWJD and “fish” stickers on their cars. They are the most hateful, scary people around.

  39. granada

    #40 – And the funniest thing is that the majority of Christians don’t even know what the little Jesus fish means. They preach and spit their religion at everybody, but don’t have a single clue about what they’re saying.

  40. granada

    This was an actual letter submitted to Dr. Laura. Dr. Laura did an episode where she bashed homosexuality because the Bible is against it:

    Dear Dr. Laura [Schlessinger]:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted fan,
    Jim

  41. HELP

    #41 — I agree. Truly, the only part that matters to most Christians is that they have carte blanche regarding their behavior. I know of one Christian (married) man who has hit on me repeatedly…yet he will spout the Bible whenever he gets a chance. I guess I’m allowed to sleep with him because the Lord has saved me, too. Give me a break.

    #42 — hilarious!!!

  42. I dont care if Im first

    Mileys voice already sounds like a 30 yr old that been smoking for 20 yrs

  43. Chauncey Gardner

    I can’t believe all you fucks are arguing about religion when that hot Mandy bitch in the video just ADMITTED TO MASTURBATING.

    Hot, stupid 20-year-old bitches masturbating beats all that God/Jesus horseshit any day of the week.

  44. Sophie-Louise

    As much as Miley Cyrus is pimped out to do kids entertainment crap (which is hell) she is very well spoken and seems mature and level headed. She’s actually a breath of fresh air from all the Lohan types in Hollywood.

  45. neuro

    holy fuck, while shouting “Jesus rocks!” Miley was throwing the horns! Awesome, and completely dumb too!

  46. tmhs

    AH FUCK here we go again. Someone mentions Christianity on the internets and all the angry atheists come out of the wood work to start an argument. I knew I shouldn’t have given this another shot.

  47. ubee0173

    Athiests dont come out of the woodwork, silly- we come from the blasphemous hellfires and so on and so forth- hey, that just means more Rapture for you!!lucky…

    #42- that is an amazing letter…so complex are the problems of modern living… you can buy a canadian for a certain price and time alottment, though…

  48. Poppy

    So 15 year old Miley has a 20 year old lesbian lover. And she likes to flash the devil sign when she praises Jebus. Love it.

  49. :o)

    wow… i lost so many brain cells by watching that video. And how cool is that 20 year old hanging out with a 15 year old? So cool! I’m gonna totally hang out with my 15 year old brother and all of his idiot friends. I’m sure they’d appreciate it because I’m 28, so I can buy booze for them. And as far as the whole Jesus thing… well… where do I begin? I was raised Catholic, but it was never something that I had to profess on a regular basis and felt I had to tell everyone I met. My sister is a born again Christian and she has turned completely batshit crazy. She says that I have lived in sin for years because I bought my home with my boyfriend (who is now my husband) before I got married. Mind you, I’ve been with this person for 12 years now. She says that my daughter needs to be baptized as a christian so she has a chance of going to heaven, even though she is being raised by me. She also refuses to get a job because places of work do not understand that she needs to worship the Lord 24 hours a day. So, she totally doesnt work, claims unemployment and lives with my mother. I humored her once and went to a church service. This was mainly for my own amusement. I thought it was the craziest thing that I’ve ever been to, and I’ve seen New Kids on the Block live and in person! I know, I live dangerously. Anyways, what really got to me was how the pastor made everyone feel totally guilty for not giving their donations on the week prior to this. He even called people out during the service! He also talked about how people should just not work if their jobs could not give them the time off to worship and pray. Now I know where my sister got it from. I wanted to run for the hills, screaming… maybe event he Lauren & Heidi Hills because that place seemed way more normal than that crazy Christian clusterfuck that I was in. I hope that little Miley and her 20 year old loser friend don’t get caught up and are just normal Christians and not crazy born agains that curse everyone that comes in contact with them.
    God Bless us, one and all… and don’t forget to give your donations or else you will totally burn in hell!

  50. Kevin

    Aaaaw someone gets upset when Jesus is mentioned.

    Pooor babbeee.

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