Billy Ray Cyrus Wishes Twerking Was Around When He Had That One Song

August 29th, 2013 // 38 Comments
Jesus Christ, Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus Nude Bikini Twerking Robin Thicke VMAs
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My dear, sweet, Photo Boy, this.

Now that Miley Cyrus twerking is part of our national tapestry, official lexicon and soon, oxygen, what the world really wants to know is what Billy Ray Cyrus thought of his tender little Hanner Montanner’s performance at the VMAs. And it turns out the answer is, “Well, shoot, I’d reckon I’d like to try that.” Via Twitter:

“Mile, if twerkin woulda been invented…. And I had a foam finger…. I woulda done the same thang you did.” – DAD

I don’t know how this would even be possible, but in case you missed Miley Cyrus’ performance, here it is so you can fully appreciate the luscious mullet this ridiculousness just walked into the room with:

Watched the whole thing? Good. Now imagine Billy Ray Cyrus doing everything Miley just did with Robin Thicke and that foam finger. All done? Perfect. Now on your way to justifiably murder every one I love dear in front of my face, could you maybe grab some ‘Za? I could really go for some ‘Za. Also, I’m saying ‘Za to make you angrier so you’ll get here quicker, bro-ham. *tucks napkin into collar, holds knife and fork*


  1. freebie

    Before it became “twerking”, it was called “doggie-style”.

  2. Miley Cyrus Bangerz Promo Shots
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking underweight & quite nasty here….but kudos on successfully covering up the teef.

  3. anonymous

    They need to call it something else because what Miley is doing is not twerking.

    Bony girls can’t make their asses or tits clap no matter how much they wish it.

    • Of course, the height of arrogance is to act like she invented moves that she can’t perform even marginally adequately, and then record some idiot thing celebrating twerking with the equally untalented and clueless Bieber. If that doesn’t qualify as a fucking hate crime I don’t know what does.

  4. dunkydoo

    don’t ya need a big ass to twerk? not be a big ass? billy ray is fucked in the head.

  5. schmidtler

    I can’t decide which I hate more – the barely legal no talent chicks trying way too hard to be nasty as if that makes them seem more mature & credible, or the old washed up hags that dress and act like childish simpletons using props like oversized lollipops and cartoon character t-shirts as if that makes them seem younger and more desirable.

  6. vandal

    Trying so hard to pretend he’s proud of her but deep inside he’s dying. Love it.

  7. Deacon Jones

    Please, enough with this shit, im so sick of everyone talking about this still

  8. wtf

    twerking is now part of the english language. what the f

  9. “and the sarcastically titled Father of the Year Award goes to…”

  10. So, is everyone ready to talk about parenting licenses yet?

  11. Yep, he definitely banged her and let studio execs bang her when she was underage.

    • Nah, nobody who’s been sexually abused as a child works that hard to prove how truly edgy-sexy and adult they are once they kick out the slats on the kiddie corral. She’s pushing whatever limits she can find to demonstrate how much sexual freedom she now has and how much she’s raw and liberated and whatever the fuck. Personally, I find that she’s talentless, massively disorganized and the harder she demonstrates and shoves her tongue all over everyone the more it looks like really childish rebellion, and therefore all the more desperate and meaningless.

      While I don’t give a shit about how sexually free she is or isn’t, and whether she’s doing it tastelessly or not, I do have a major problem with her claiming her own body and sexuality at the expense of the black women who are relegated to sexual props in her (and I use the word really loosely) performances. Massively entitled and not OK to make your point on someone else’s back – or, in this case, ass.

  12. So I’m to understand, due to my careful perusal of this thread, that whatever Twerking actually means, that silly hillbilly childwhore isn’t even doing it correctly?

    “I am depressed.”

    Slim Pickens, “Blazing Saddles”

  13. “I cain’t figger out whut the big whoop is all ’bout. When she were just comin’ up, Miley and me used to do that sorta stuff all the time. Only we done it nekkid!”

  14. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    Thank you, Photo Boy,

    Grigori and I were looking for any excuse to spend the long weekend drunk. That photo gives us a reason to never draw a sober breath as long as we live.

  15. Mike

    Can we do countless Jennifer Lawrence stories please? Why are we giving the Cyruses any attention?

  16. Miley Cyrus Bangerz Promo Shots
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she’s ready to sing “Never gonna give you up” Are we being rick rolled?

  17. Just Me

    I miss Randall. If he commented on this horrible experience of watching Miley do whatever she did, and find the positive that I’m sure can be found there, then maybe I wouldn’t have nightmares anymore.

  18. Billy Ray can practice twerking in his home by rubbing his ass on the door knob to his closet. Thats how miley did it.

  19. KC

    “Don’t tell my heart, my twerky jerkey heart, I don’t think it would understand.”

  20. Miley Cyrus Bangerz Promo Shots
    Commented on this photo:

    is she unaware of the fact she is highly unattractive in the face? If you are going to strike vulgar poses and act gross, it is mandatory you are HOT in order to pull it off, your hotness must be the overriding sentiment of the picture so we give you a pass. Being visually offensive in the face is a strict disqualifier for such poses.

  21. Oh god, that photo of Billy Ray is so perfect! I need to bleach out my eyeballs now.

  22. PenisCake

    It looks like Billy Ray Cyrus is boning himself.

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