Miley Cyrus’ Twerking Is Still Destroying The Very Fabric Of Our Reality
It’s been two weeks since Miley Cyrus twerked all over the VMAs, yet people still haven’t been able to get over the sight of seeing a white girl from the south assimilate black culture into a stage performance which has never happened before in the history of time. It’s like spotting a real, live unicorn and then watching it have buttsex with Robin Thicke. Since then, the fallout has been never-ending, although the worst of it seems to be over now. At any rate, here’s everything twerk-related that’s happened in the past 72 hours because I’m not writing separate posts about each and every one of these. I won’t do it.
– Anna Wintour kicked Miley off the cover of the December issue of Vogue specifically because of her VMAs performance which now puts Miley in the same category as that chick Ray J peed on and then Kanye put a baby in. God, what’s her name? Mustache, giant ass, I know this… [Daily Mail]
– Some jackass from the Washington Post claimed that Miley Cyrus twerking somehow traveled through time and caused Steubenville to happen, or something basically as stupid, so naturally he was immediately debunked by some rapper I’ve never heard of because it really didn’t take much. [Jezebel]
– Liam Hemsworth wants straight the fuck out now but is concerned with making a “clean break” because those are possible when ending a relationship with an attention-starved 20-year-old who blew a foam finger on live television. “I shall react to this rationally and within the bounds of logic,” I can hear her saying. [Us Weekly]
And, finally, young women everywhere are almost killing themselves trying to make their boyfriends videos like this instead of naked ones:
In fairness, I’d probably still masturbate to this because it looks like it’ll be a while until those burns heal. When life gives you lemon…