Miley Cyrus Made Out With Paris Hilton

Miley Cyrus is always looking for some stupid, new edgy shit to do, and what’s more stupid and edgy than sticking your tongue in a petri dish of death and disease? Which is probably the nicest thing I’ll ever say about Paris Hilton’s mouth. The holidays just bring it out of me. Page Six reports:

“Miley and Paris were dancing and had a whole bunch of people around them. Patrick was sitting on top of a banquette. He wasn’t participating, but watching and enjoying. Miley sat on his lap and Paris was sitting on the couch. Miley leaned down to kiss Paris.”
Our eagle-eyed observer continued: “All of a sudden, they just started making out, and Patrick was in the middle, cuddling them both. Paris had her arm around Patrick’s waist. Then they all walked out of the club together” at around 5 a.m.

“Son, now you have da herpes. Dis is vhy I only have da sex with da maids. Da maids nevah have herpes.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Da little horse in my kitchen told me. Ve ah best friends.”
“…. I’m gonna talk to mom about this.”
“Tell her I miss her Predatah mandahbles. She’ll know vhat I mean.”
“Goddammit, dad.”

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Photo: Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI