Miley Cyrus is Carrying John Mayer’s Baby – Or Is It Batboy’s?!?

February 17th, 2011 // 57 Comments

Can you tell I’m about to use Star as a source?

A fuller-faced Miley Cyrus was spotted in Hollywood this week leading many to suggest she’s spent way too much time in her dad’s kitchen. Turns out there’s a rational, more plausible solution: John Mayer knocked her up at the Grammys and she’s already showing two days later. I’m on board. Via Hollywood Life:

An eyewitness at the Grammy Awards tells Star, “At one point backstage, Miley was rubbing John’s back and, when he thought no one was looking, he leaned over and kissed her!” Whoa!
Miley’s response to this according to the source? “Miley slapped his butt and told him, ‘You rock!’”
It appears Miley had spent the entire weekend following John around at Grammy parties like “a puppy dog.” John did not seem to mind the attention either and was spotted touching the singer’s neck and face after she grabbed his behind.

All kidding aside, this is clearly a classic case of Miley forgetting she’s supposed to store acorns in her cheeks before the winter not after, which is exactly what happens when you home-school your kids. Also, this.

Photos: Fame, Flynet

superficial

  1. She is just gaining the Frosh 20 (had to add 5 lbs to previous estimate) sans the chance at a college degree.

    I would love for her to be carrying John Mayer’s douche-spawn though.
    If only, Star magazine…. If only….

    • RandaI

      It’s time to finish this moon faced heifer Hangover style a la Mike Tyson. Cue the Phil Collins and let’s move onto the next Disney trainwreck.

  2. Hemingway

    I’d knock her up.

  3. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    jujee
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face is swollen from all the binge drinking.

  4. TetterkeT

    She was already fat at the Grammy’s.

  5. I thought Batboy was a pre-op transvestite? I know that doesn’t rule him out entirely, but…

  6. Any bikini shots of her out by the cement pond?

    .

  7. Me personally, I don’t mind the fuller face and cheeks. I would make good use of it and fill them up with my nut after making her suck my cock.

  8. Bet she hauls her stash in those fringed leather boots.
    I would party with her, and keep my camera & blabbermouth shut too. But if she dumps out any pills or the Bolivian marching powder I’m outta there.

  9. LJ

    She looks hung over.

    Of course we all know that unprotected touching of the neck and face can lead to pregnancy.

  10. It’s cute how she’s carrying her dinner in her purse. She may want to be a bit more discreet and tuck the tail back in though.

  11. Lady Blah Blah

    Looks like Billy Ray and Tish neglected to get Miley vaccinated against mumps.

  12. Rebecca

    Looks like somone’s been hitting the bong and enjoying some munchies! :O)

  13. Shlongface

    Could she be any more of a fat faced little turd? Jesus.

  14. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    Carl
    Commented on this photo:

    How does that happen? I ask all of you to try to “gain weight” in your face this week. Ummm..how does one do that?

  15. Eric

    When did clipping a fox tail to your purse become fashionable outside of Arkansas?

    • babooda

      It’s a biblical thing like Delilah cutting off Samson’s hair to take away his legendary strength ! That’s not a fox tail….it’s Billy Ray’s mullet, which she and her Mom cut off to take away his ability to interfere in her career!

  16. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    Lola
    Commented on this photo:

    Okay, whats happening to her face?

  17. Maybe she read that if you eat enough tacos, eventually your face fills in and your mouth will close.

    I”m not sure what dead animal skin is hanging from her purse, but it’s clear that whatever it is, she ate it.

  18. Smiley

    That’s booze bloat.

  19. jojo

    So they have a hillbilly with a “white supremacist” cock. The bloodline has to stay pure I guess.

  20. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    fooey
    Commented on this photo:

    Puff the magic dragon

  21. Clearly the concept of MENSTRUATION is alien to most people here. Unless of course Ms Cyrus is on the contraceptive pill and therefore doesn’t menstruate, then she’s probably just pulled some teeth or something (what, I’m the only one who pulls teeth out of boredeom??!?)

    • Yup

      Are you stupid? It takes awhile for weight gain to hit your face, it is not the first place it is gained. Your face doesn’t bloat during pms, your gut does. Another fat woman trying to justify her looks using menstruation as a crutch.

      Do not believe this cow, she eats chicken every day.

  22. Say what you will about her fashion sense but Miley Cyrus really pulls off the “Navajo purse with dead fox” look….

  23. bun

    next stop sex tapes: miley x john.
    oh please. it would be so fucking hilarious.

  24. I’m surprised nobody’ asking all the hard-hitting questions, like…where is the assistant with the huge cans?

  25. Nah, this is just what happens when white trash passes it’s expiration date.

  26. Arcachnar

    I can see that she gains some weight. (It does not look that bad) She is dating John Mayer? Atleast it is better than dating Whino’s ex.

  27. Neen

    Is she carrying this baby in her cheeks?

  28. Niki

    Is that fox tail part of her furry costume?

  29. Miguel Cabrera

    She looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll

  30. Mirror

    Looks bulimic to me. Her face is fat from all the barfing!

  31. jaime

    “you rock?” seriously? there is absolutely no way she said something like that after kissing! at least invent a plausible conversation, fucking paps.

  32. Tyler

    This would be hilarious but I really doubt it. I think the only thing she’s carrying is 10 extra pounds of water weight.

  33. tata

    It looks like she has a dead squirrel attached to her bag.

  34. A fox tail? REALLY?

    Just when I thought her ‘fashion sense’ couldn’t get any more lawncar shotgun whore.

  35. alex

    Who didn’t do this stuff at age 18?

  36. Ramona

    Hahahahahahahaha

  37. josh

    FAT. DO NOT WANT. :(

  38. Tony Y

    Much like mediocre girls surround themselves with ugly chicks to look hotter, Cristina Ricci stands next to Miley to make her head look smaller.

  39. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    theTruth
    Commented on this photo:

    this is what happenes to people when they do coke

  40. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    katie
    Commented on this photo:

    hahahahah she looks terrible here. she does in ALL the others too but especially here. i wish she would take her butt home shes gonna end up worse than britney one day. and shell be too dumb to stop or make a comeback.

  41. sickening couple

    JOHN MAYER IS GAYYYYYYYYYYYY. IT’S NOT A SECRET IN THE INNER CIRCLES. MILEY IS JUST BEING THE NEXT BEARD LIKE TWIT TAYLOR WAS. BTW MANISTON IS ALSO A LESBIAN, NOT SUCH A SECRET EITHER.

    • Callie

      Really, you think he’s gay? Maybe Bi, but gay? Especially after all the speculation that he is Super Duper Cooper from the Awful Truth and into all kinds of nasty things in the bedroom. When I say nasty I don’t mean in a good way, I mean in a gross feces smeared sheets way. It’s pretty interesting what these celebs are up to behind closed doors. blinditemsexposed is an awesome site, check it out you might learn something.

  42. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    MileyMusicUK
    Commented on this photo:

    She does not look any bigger. She is not fat, she is healthy sized! EVERYONE SHUT UP AND QUIT BEING HATERS!! She is not a slut or any other mean thing you may call her. Miley is a fantastic role model and she has achieved more in her life so far, than you probably ever will!

  43. Miley Cyrus Fat Gaining Weight
    Summer
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t really like this because I hate all the stars you’ve shown especially Miley and her sister what ever her name is and seriously under boobs you guys are crazy

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