Miley Cyrus is Engaged. For Real This Time.

June 6th, 2012 // 75 Comments
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There’s an old saying that’s served me well over the years, “A couple that eats penis cake together, stays together.” Which is why with a proud heart and this here jug of moonshine, I formally present to you the engagement of Destiny Hope Cyrus, or “Miley” to kinfolk and the like, and Thor’s brother from whatever that country with all them boomerangs Crocodile Dundee is from. France, I reckon. People reports:

I’m so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam,” Cyrus, 19, tells PEOPLE.
Australian actor Hemsworth, 22, who met Cyrus when they costarred in The Last Song in 2009, proposed on May 31 with a 3.5-carat diamond ring from jeweler Neil Lane.

Hillbilly accents aside, what I love most about this story is the positive message that it sends Hannah Montana fans. Namely that if you get super-sick thin and wear a bunch of slutty outfits, you’ll eventually trick your boyfriend into making an exaggerated gesture to convince you he’s not going to leave you which ultimately won’t work because you’re a woman but at least you can make all your friends jealous. That or she’s pregnant. Either way take notes, youngins.

Photos: AKM-GSI

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  1. Randal

    There is a reason the birds sing louder today and the sun shines brighter. Miley Cyrus has been with a generation since she was a young girl, singing her way into the spotlight with hit after hit, proving she has the staying power many other singers simply do not have.

    So let’s all send out a warm congratulations to Miley, for not only touching our lives with her voice and beauty, but for making today that much better with this wonderful news.

    Randal

  2. poo poo

    She legally changed her name to Miley her name is no longer Destiny.

  3. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    You, I and her father would, and if you say otherwise then youse just a dang ol’, honest to god, homersectual.

  4. Cock Dr

    I’m still shocked that punkinhead apparently turned out heterosexual.
    They must love smokin’ the weed together.
    Good luck with that.

  5. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    “C’mon dog! I used Jiff this time, not that cheap stuff from Walmart”

  6. Ashley

    ^seriously?

  7. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    professor
    Commented on this photo:

    kind of gawky and akward…..just odd looking.

    i would hump once perhpas, but definately not marry or even date

  8. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    little turtle head
    Commented on this photo:

    look at that ass!!! mylie’s doesn’t look bad either…

  9. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    The Royal Penis
    Commented on this photo:

    I have to say that ass doesn’t look attractive at all. It’s a preview of what’s to come 15 years from now….I don’t envy the soon to be hubby.

    She’s better off prancing around without a bra than bending over in funny fitting jean shorts that make her ass start to look big.

  10. When I think of factors that go into a strong marriage devoid of needless drama, getting hitched at 19 is at the top of the list.

  11. YoMamma

    Destiny Hope? It’s a miracle she didn’t wind up on the pole at Jim Bobs Stab Wounds ‘n Stretch Marks Gentlemens club…

  12. Bonky

    I still think they are each others beards.

  13. The Most Interesting

    Aussie-boy, in the battle of love and marriage, always remember the most important advice: “Always have an exit strategy.”

  14. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why buy the milk when you can fuck the cow for free, amirite?”- Billy Ray Cyrus

  15. tlmck

    Engaged is still a long way from married.

  16. tits mcgee

    Liam is the ugly version of Chris.

  17. Fish, that’s a mighty succinct description of engagement. Well done!

  18. LJ

    Now we know what she was spitting off the balcony last week.

  19. GetOverYourself

    I reckon that shot gun is full of buckshot. Yee hah!

  20. Billy Barty, Jr

    Offspring are likely to be imbeciles

    • USDA Prime McBeef, PhD

      If you take two inbred individuals and cross them, the resulting offspring may display some level of outbreeding enhancement or heterosis. However, this only works if the two inbred individuals used in the cross are somewhat divergent from each other.

      • Doc, I think the phrase you’re looking for is, “When a Targaryen is born, the gods flip a coin.”

      • dooood

        so anyway, i might marry my cousin. :D
        i was celebrating my great aunt’s 100th birthday last week and we’re all talking n somehow it came up in the conversation that
        a long long time ago, one of our relatives actually married his cousin.
        someone said isn’t that illegal or somethin?
        my cousin is like nah, we could totally get married if we wanted.
        so i’m like whoa! how bout if neither of us is married by the time we are 40 or w/e, we get married?
        she’s like, you got good health insurance? yea!!
        so there’s somethin to smile about… celebration!!

      • Many people don’t realize that cousin marriage is perfectly legal in roughly half the states and much of the rest of the world.

      • Good luck with that,dude.

    • Al Swearengen

      Correction, 2/3 imbeciles and 1/3 moron

  21. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    AteIsEnough
    Commented on this photo:

    When did she start wearing diapers, again?

  22. Al Swearengen

    The whole world should be in awe , She’s wearing shoes !

  23. At least Hannah Montana’s still single, and free to date Miley’s dad.

  24. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Hark!
    Commented on this photo:

    2 dogs 4 paws

  25. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    That poor dog had more dignity when it was eating its own poop.

  26. Evil Monkey

    Oh, I can’t wait for her pretentious speeches about not getting married as a teen.

  27. mrsmass

    something must be very wrong with this guy to want to spend the rest of his life with this chick. ok, not the rest of his life, maybe 3 years tops.

  28. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Good idea, Miley. Giving your dog a tug-job is a great way to learn how to please a man.

  29. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    sassy
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s knocked up, isn’t she?

  30. barancy peloma

    this disgusting piece of cankled trash is now going to get some classy wedding tattoos to show how expressive, hip & edgy she is.

  31. O_o

    So either she’s on the broke side and needs some divorce money,
    or she’s knocked up…
    anyway… that poor poor guy doesn’t know what he’s getting into…

  32. aet008

    Ahh the start to a long career of failed marriages …

  33. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    eatme
    Commented on this photo:

    …now THAT is an ass!!!!
    Miley looks ok too.

  34. JJ

    She has to be knocked up. From a PR standpoint, they would have waited another year until she was 20 so the media couldn’t run with “Teenage Miley engaged” instead of “Miley engaged.”

  35. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    Poopsquat
    Commented on this photo:

    She HAS to know that the photogs are getting this shot right here??

  36. Miley Cyrus Butt Legs Booty Shorts
    yowillie
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

  37. I’m looking forward to the penis shaped wedding cake.

  38. They won’t even make it to the altar. And if they do, I give them 5 years tops. Also, how long do you guys think it will take for Miley or Liam to stop giving a fuck and just get fat? Cause that’s what marriage is.

  39. Arnold S.

    You one ugly muthafucka!

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