Miley Cyrus And The Art of Pineapple Semen
Miley Cyrus’ “Dirty Hippie” art show opens today, and if you have no idea what that is, congratulations, you only looked at her naked boobs in V Magazine without reading any of the words. We’re kin. Except if you do read the words like I only just now did, you’ll find out that Miley Cyrus gets high all the time and glues a bunch of random shit to other random shit which apparently makes her an artist and more than just a pop star now. Somewhere, your eighth grade teacher just shot herself. Or masturbated with a clay pot. I honestly don’t know what those people do:
MILEY CYRUS When Jeremy [Scott] came here for a July 4th party, I had all these leis around, and I wanted to see how I could incorporate them into his show. I’m having the guy who made the bear I came out of at the VMAs last year come over tonight to help me fix all this shit because it’s kind of a mess. [Pointing out art pieces individually] This one’s a vibrator, which I got from a fan. They threw it on stage. And that’s a joint [attached to it], so that’s the vibe. I’ve gotten more and more about piling things on, but I try to put thought into everything. Even though it’s so stupid, I did the pineapple because you know what they say about pineapple, right?
MC Yummy cum? If you drink a lot of pineapple juice you’re going to have yummy cum. So that’s why I put it on the dick with a bunch of babies, and it says, “Fuck.” I try to think about everything so it has a story to me.
Holy shit, we’ve got ourselves a Franco-ing. Buckle up, everybody, with your mind…
It’s exciting you’re going to be sharing it with the world now.
MC Jeremy brought a lot of peace and self worth to me because even though to some people, it was just me gluing some things together, to me, it made me not a fucking pop star dumbass. And that’s my goal in my life: to not die a pop pop dumb dumb. I can’t. I will freak out. I just wanted to give myself something I can work at, and even now, if I had more time and I wasn’t on tour, I know I could outdo any of this because I’ve grown while doing it.
So Miley wants to evolve beyond some commodified tartlet trapped in a vagina Melvin box. I can respect that. Let’s hear about her process.
MC I just sit around and smoke weed anyway, so I might as well sit around, smoke weed, and do something. And this is me doing something. I love it. I mean, I’m up until seven in the morning doing this stuff all the time. It was much weirder when I started doing it while I was sober.
Um.. okay. Could you maybe expand on that so you don’t sound like everybody’s burn-out brother who thinks he’s going to make a living selling cigar boxes decorated with elbow macaroni?
MC I’ve been around a lot of money my whole life. They say money can’t buy happiness and it’s totally true. Money can buy you a bunch of shit to glue to a bunch of other shit that will make you happy, but besides that, there’s no more happiness. There’s no point in me focusing on getting any fucking richer. Obviously the shit you buy doesn’t make you happier because I’m sitting here gluing a bunch of junk to stuff. My whole philosophy with everything is: Do what you love and you’re not going to work ever again.
Provided you’re already rich because your mother’s vagina was ejaculated into by a famous country singer in the 1990s. That was the end of that sentence, right? Otherwise, Miley Cyrus’ just spouting meaningless phrases, and I’ve seen her dildo baby sculptures, so there’s no way that’s possible. Her every move is full of purpose and that time she got super duper baked at Michael’s.