Considering Macaulay Culkin looks like this and Mila Kunis dumped him immediately after regaining her sight, it’s really not that big of a leap to assume he’s spending every waking hour eating pounds of heroin. So here’s The National Enquirer with the most unlikely, although if true, entirely reckless, report about Mila trying to get Macaulay into rehab in-between bang sessions with Ashton Kutcher on a boat:
“Ashton convinced Mila to call Mac during their getaway in Bali,” a source close to the “Ted” hottie told The ENQUIRER.
“So Mila had an assistant track him down on the phone. When she finally heard Mac’s voice, she burst into tears.”
The “Black Swan” beauty, 29, “poured out her heart” to Culkin, 32, over her worries about him, said the insider.
“Then Mila begged Mac to seek treatment at rehab,” the insider continued.
So basically the Enquirer is accusing Mila Kunis of trying to kill Macaulay Culkin by making him OD because I don’t know how the hell else you interpret calling your ex and telling him to stop doing drugs while you’re taking a break from having Ashton Kutcher’s penis inside of you instead of his. I want to kill myself and I’m not even involved with this situation.
On the outside… *looks forlornly out the window*