Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher Is Actually Happening

April 24th, 2012 // 56 Comments
Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
Mila Kunis Denies Dating Ashton Kutcher Read More »

“What am I doing with my life?” is what I really hope she’s thinking.

Last week, Mila Kunis immediately shot down rumors that she’s seeing Ashton Kutcher and everyone immediately believed the denial because most people like to imagine Mila Kunis cunnilinging Natalie Portman as a pretty cool chick who would never in a million years have sex with a bearded, serial-cheating douche-canoe like Ashton Kutcher. Turns out she would because TMZ has pictures of them on a “weekend getaway” together. In related news, an angel just delivered me a handwritten letter from God himself, so let’s see what it says:

Dear My Creatures,

Hahahaha! Fuck you.

I’m giving you cancer next,

- God

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Splash News


  1. Jonas Grumby

    Wait just a moment . . . and yes, there it is, the loss of all my interest in Mila Kunis.

  2. Blech

    “Douche canoe”! Snatching that.

  3. JC


  4. dooood

    they should make an tv series out of mila cunilinging
    natalie portman

    • That Bastard Tony

      Guys, this thing may last about as long as her “relationship” with Timberlake so let’s not judge her too harshly yet.

      I’m not a fan of her being with someone like Ashy Coochie either, but since so many were miffed by her dating Macaulay Culkin it makes me wonder who would be right for her.

      Also, I think Natalie Portman should have returned the favor. Never leave a woman hanging like that if she does you first.

  5. kimmykimkim

    Now she’s tainted. All Kunis respect I had has suddenly disappeared.

    • kimmykimkim

      Not that I had that much respect for her to begin with but now, she’s goddamn retarded.


        the lack of respect might make it easier to do the any number of the terrible things i would like to do to that woman.

      • kimmykimkim

        Hey, man, if you really want to enter that after its been occupied by Kutcher, knock yourself out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you get the sudden, uncontrolable urge to wear a hat and a scarf in the summertime.

  6. LJ

    This story just makes me sad……

  7. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Knowing Super Douche Ashton had that ass, I have no interest at all in it now.

  8. Billybob

    A big heartfelt congratulations to Ashton Kutcher! and a dismayed, confused opposite-of-congratulations to Mila Kunis.

  9. V_Ann

    Vain comment, but I saw her in person once, sans make up. She’s seriously the most basic girl ever. She doesn’t have a nice body at all and looks 15. Pretty much like in the pictures Fish posted. I really don’t get the fuzz about her, but a nice Hollywood stylist certainly works wonders. And I’ve seen other stars with no make up who are actually super cute in person.

    That being said she can do better than Kutcher. That guy probably created his own strain of herpes.

  10. phffft...

    And yet, it could have been Fez, so count your limited blessings.

    • I think that’s going to happen now. She’s with the guy her character was dating on the show, so next is Hyde, and then Fez. (They ended up together, right? I caught the show in syndication, so I only know it piecemeal.)

  11. EricLr

    They’ve been banging on and off since they were on That 70′s Show (when she was 14 and he was 19). The only difference is now they don’t have to hide it or worry about an arrest.

    And no, that doesn’t make him a pervert. She’s Ukrainian. In the Ukraine, 14 years old is like 32 anywhere else.

    • Gen

      Maybe it is for degenerate assholes who take care of disadvantaged women in fucked up countries. Fourteen year old girls are fourteen year olds everywhere.

      • Mila's Vag Warts

        Technically, Mila’s parents are the true douche canoes: they lied about her real age to get her cast on the 70s show when she was barely 14. You really can’t blame the girl for being exceptionally edged in the head.

    • puttypants

      Oh please to say that Ukrainian girls are whoring at 14 is just plain lying!!!! In fact, like in all other countries girls from respectable families and raised well don’t go around banging guys at 14. I couldn’t even date until I was out of highschool…only group outings. I don’t know where you get your idea about Ukrainian girls…please don’t insult the entire country with those kind of comments. I think Mila and Kunis make a darling couple and if they like each other who are you to comment.. Do you either personally??? probably not…so zip it!!

  12. VV

    Guys, she banged Kevin-Goddamn-McCallister for like 8 years or something crazy like that. Kutcher (of all people) is kind of surprising , but then again, not really.

  13. Neal

    This news is the kind of punk’d you get done to you in prison, that’s right all our hopes, dreams & fantasies just got raped.

  14. Zebstriped

    First pic evokes a Book of Eli flashback!

  15. Archie Leach

    We would’ve thought that there could be a step down from Macaulay Culkin.

  16. Steven Hyde

    Mila Kunis: “I never dated Wilmer Valderrama. I never dated Danny Masterson. I never dated Ashton Kutcher. They’re like my brothers. That’s disgusting. That’s wrong”

    • At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if they all gangbanged her at the same time.

      I’m sorry… that comment came from a place of hurt, deep in my soul.

    • Archie Leach

      I’m willing to take her word on Danny Masterson and Ashton Doucher but she was under 18 during a long time of the show’s duration so she was the right age-type for Wilmer Valderrama.

    • dooood

      too bad she didn’t bang donna

    • NineInchNailed

      No mention of Topher Grace as her brother? I guess she banged him.

      Too bad, if I was her I would’ve picked Danny Masterson, I thought they had really good chemistry on the show. But then again he’s a scientologist….so yeah, fuck that.

  17. Swearin

    Well, since Black Swan she’s probably desperate to get back to awards shows again, and now with Kutcher nabbing the role of Steve Jobs and all the awards-bait people think it will be, Mila probably wants to get on board that train early. Factor in they’re both single and reconnected at the Fox 25th anniversary special..,

  18. BeBo Wobbley

    Wow, Fish posts a series of images of Mila..alone…at LAX and says this proves what?….WTF is a single image of her with Kutcher , which TMZ supposedly has….Well Fish…half assed reporting or wouldn’t TMZ sell you an image? And the most amazing thing about the whole crappy post is how fast everyone was to write Mila off…Fickle assed bitches…that’s what you are!

    • Reporting…? What does that have to do with anything here?

    • When Fish doesn’t have current pics to show—maybe he’s too cheap to buy them or maybe there just aren’t any to be had—he goes into the vaults and digs out old stuff. These pics are from last August.

      And since Photo Boy is apparently working some kind of double duty today, maybe you could cut them a little slack on the pics.

    • Pretty simple explanation on the photos: TMZ bought the 24 hour exclusive rights to them which means I couldn’t buy them even if I had the cash to. (I can tomorrow, so don’t be surprised to see them on here if this story somehow gets more interesting.)

      As for Photo Boy pulling double duty, that ended as quickly as it started yesterday. Although he will be flying solo next week when I take my annual vacation to the Redneck Riviera like the slovenly creature of habit I am.

  19. barry

    Love her, she is too hot for him

  20. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do you want me to look for your self esteem while I’m at it?”

  21. Archie Leach, you nailed it!……nobody even thought it was possible to downgrade from MacCaulay…..but Mila, you did it!…you proved them all wrong!

  22. El Jefe

    Oh come on now Mila, WTF? WTF!!!

    First some French poof knocks up Natalie Portman and now this. Great. The world is really ending this year.

  23. Fualll

    Well. I think they make a pretty cute couple.
    He obviously has a thing for raven haired beauties.

  24. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    That ass is flatter than day old sodie pop!

  25. Jannie

    What will they be calling these two? KuKu?

  26. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Reallly…who wrote this today? It reads like low-brow porn. Not even remotely entertaining. Sex and God? Those are always the cheap shots writers/comedians take when they aren’t funny. And for the record, this particular writer is a misogynist. We can see it. At five hundred paces.

  27. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, Shit! KELSO! That’s right… ugh.”

  28. *shrugs* Nothing wrong with slumming, just don’t get knocked up or anything.

    I’m still down with Mila.

  29. I really hope this isn’t true. Mila you can do so much better than this. Go back to eating out Natalie Portman, that was fun.

  30. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    “did i really find a way to downgrade from macauley culkin?.. SMH”

  31. terry

    Where is her ass?

  32. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher Dating
    Rossosko Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    That butt is adorable. What’s more interesting, though, is that the photo almost makes it look like there might be urine stains on her pants. The thought that she might have peed her pants is VERY exciting!

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