Oh, I’m Sorry, Ashton Kutcher, Is Being Rich And Having Sex With Mila Kunis Boring You?

June 3rd, 2013 // 24 Comments

Remember that kid in elementary school who always had all the newest video games and toys but couldn’t care less while you were lucky if you got one G.I. Joe vehicle for Christmas? I don’t know what that has to do with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, but it seemed like something I should say besides, “Hey, radical Muslims living in London, this douche is a drone pilot.” That information’s top secret. I can’t just give it out.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. LOL! That headline is awesome. I heard a rumour she was pregnant. I hope not. So far it seems his douchiness hasn’t ruined her yet, but a pregnancy could weaken her enough to allow the douchiness to take over.

    Protect yourself, Mila.

  2. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks moderately greasy.

    observation, not complaint.

  3. Rob

    Behind every beautiful* woman, there’s a man who’s tired of fucking her.

    * this rule also applies to overrated chicks with small tits and flat asses

  4. EricLr

    She strikes me as the type that doesn’t put out without at least $100 million in an escrow account up front and signed publicity agreement.

  5. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    caley
    Commented on this photo:

    Kunis: “What is that smell?”
    Kutcher: “That’s my own scent of smugness…and enchiladas.”

  6. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “Being the second prettiest one in the relationship bums me out. It was better when I was married to that old lady with the drug habit and the ugly kids.”

  7. Is it really funny to suggest making Kutcher an assassination target by Muslim radicals?

    The answer is yes, yes it is…fucking hilarious. Let’s make that happen.

    • schmidtler

      I have it on reliable authority Kutcher wipes his ass with the Quoran, and one time he got drunk and pissed on Mecca.

  8. Pike

    There is not a man alive who hasn’t thought what Ashton’s thinking, and hasn’t seen his woman make that same pose and face.

  9. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “So then Nicole de Boer replaced Terry Farrell on ‘Deep Space Nine.’”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “And they were different characters, but shared the same symbiote.”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “You’re not listening, are you?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “I’ve been fucking Michael Fassbender behind your back.”
    “No way! Can you get me his autograph or photos of his dick?”
    “. . .”

  10. TheJoaker

    She certainly has a type

  11. It must be the money. The obscene amount of money he is paid to act like a dipshit on that repulsive TV program must be depressing him. I know I wouldn’t be content to have tons of money, while making tons more every week, THEN be stuck having to bang that incredible-looking young woman on his right. Sometimes I think there can’[t possibly be a God.

  12. WAIT! I figured it out. He read the articles about how Michael Douglas got throat cancer and he is totally bummed because he was getting guts up to try it on Mila.

  13. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    Commented on this photo:

    “So do you remember when she used to come on all the set and be like all, “I’m Demi,… I’m Ashton’s girlfriend “…. and I’d be like …”Well big deal… I like PLAY like I’m his girlfriend…and she’d be like….”

    “No, (sigh), I don’t remember it…:”

    ” Yeah…Well, me neither.”

  14. Kate+Nate

    Her left hand seems a little posed…as though she is hoping your page will begin speculating about why there isn’t a ring on it. Such a girl move.

  15. So is this the way that fishcial is attempting to say the HE can’t let go of the mila thing?

  16. “Demi had been there, and let her live. Four years, she figured. She was wrong. Macaulay had told me Mila was special: no termination date. I didn’t know how long we had together… who does?”

  17. arealcad

    Hard to believe that she was not considered the hot one when That ’70′s Show began.

  18. some black guy

    LOL of the 1000′s of great headlines I have seen on this website this one is by far the greatest LOL! bravo

  19. JungleRed

    Ah, L’ennui!

  20. Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
    Joe
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like he’s on a mix of benzo’s and op’s

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