Minnesota Man To State Gov’t: ‘Did You Guys Know Gays Are Ejaculating Into Each Others’ Butts?’

March 12th, 2013 // 138 Comments
Mike Frey Minnesota Gay Marriage Testimony
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Meet Mike Frey. He’s a “concerned Minnesotan father and husband” who apparently just now learned how gay sex works, and what he discovered not only frightened him, but triggered every synapse in his brain that makes sure he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. You see, Minnesota is getting ready to pass a bill that would legalize gay marriage, and now that Mike knows how they found a way to sex each other, he set out to put a stop to it because if gays can’t get married then they can’t have sex. Simple as that. I should also point out that Mike’s knowledge surprisingly only includes gay men and not lesbians, although that’s not to say he didn’t stumble upon a description of cunnilingus and wrote it off because “How in the world would that feel good to my penis?” Mediaite reports:

Frey asked that the Minnesota House not pass a bill legalizing gay marriage because “people who marry do have sex, and when same-sex people are married, they do have sex — there’s something called sodomy.”
He then explained to the legislators that sodomy involves “ejaculation inside of a colon,” which, unlike ejaculation inside a vagina, does not lead to a pregnancy nor does the sperm have a barrier of entry to the blood flow… often leading to AIDS. And so, he said, gay marriage = the spread of AIDS to “society at large.”
At the end of his testimony, Frey concluded that gay marriage will provide a “health risk to society at large,” and place “financial burden on the people of Minnesota” to support the gays and their spreading [of] diseases.

I should also point out that Mike apparently found out about butt sex right around the same time he watched Outbreak because here’s what he literally thinks will happen if gay are allowed to get married and finally have sex for the first time. God, they’re just waiting for it:

Minnesotans… and eventually Americans… will experience “a rash, almost like a boils and a very raw skin, that broke out on the hands, feet, butt, mouth.”

When asked how he would stop such an epidemic, Mike explained that he originally thought maybe we could just ask these guys not to put sperm in each others’ butts, but then he did some more research, and discovered that would be like “asking a bear not to eat honey” due to homosexual men’s “crazy tight” athletic physiques. “There’s also a lot of shaving of the genital region which I don’t feel comfortable discussing outside of a classified meeting with the Joints Chief of Staff.” Mike added. “But trust me, they’ll want to hear this.”

superficial

  1. Wow

    “AIDS, Acquire Imuno Deficiency Syndrome”. This guy is a moron! He could have at least used the proper terminology. Smh.

  2. Drakon Samael

    I’ll be blunt about it, this guy has NO clue what he’s on about. What’s WORSE, is that THIS is even an issue. You want to legalize gay marriage…..there is literally NO legal reason why you shouldn’t be able to. Notice who’s bitching most about gay marriage: religious fanatics who don’t know shit about their OWN religion.

    At the end of the day, Gay Marriage WILL happen…..and that will be awesome. Until then…we have to keep listening to guys like this…’cause they just don’t know how to lay down and take it.

  3. Eurotrash

    The priest behind him clearly had trouble following the reasoning. He did seem to get somewhat alarmed though about all those boils. (Wait, I had a boil on my butt. What does that mean??!!???)
    Oh and costs to society.

  4. KenEBMM

    So pull out or wear protection.

  5. Matt

    Objection! Mike, I ejaculated in your wife’s butt and I am most certainly not gay.

  6. Brieana

    Did I just hear this guy say that the enzyme within a sperm that penetrates an egg to allow conception is the SAME “enzyme” that causes AIDS if left within the blood stream for too long?
    And that people with depressed immune systems will somehow create some kind of superbug sicknesses?
    In fact, by his logic of the magical creation of diseases, allowing gay marriage would actually slow the spread of disease because as we all know, married people have sex – with just one other person.

  7. red

    Who gives a fuck legalize gay marriage fuckers

  8. Dr. J

    That’s testimony? Like in court? With the credentials, Minnesotan, father, husband? Ok. Fair enough. I mean, his delivery WAS flawless, but uh, his science, his science was questionable. I missed something in sex ed I think. DO I have a membrane that stops sperm from going into my blood stream and creating aids? …I think he thinks there’s only one sperm and once that sperm’s like, after burners have been ejected or something… I don’t know, it was pretty technical, actually I’m not sure about all of it, but I think he thinks there’s only one sperm. There’s more than one. Great delivery though. Good follow through. 5 out of 10.

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