Mick Jagger wanted dead by Hells Angels

March 3rd, 2008 // 72 Comments

The Hells Angels hatched an assassination plot to kill Mick Jagger, according to a new documentary. Mick Jagger never knew of the plot that came about when he vowed to never hire the Hells Angels again for security after a fan was killed at a 1969 California concert. It turns out Poseidon, God of the Sea, is a fan of the Stones because he helped foil the plot. The AP reports:

Mangold said the men tried to reach Jagger by sea. “The boat was hit by a storm and all of the men were thrown overboard,” he was quoted as saying. They all survived but made no other attempt on his life, Mangold said.

Wait, wait, wait. The Hells Angels didn’t jump the Atlantic on their hogs? Pfft. Lame. I guess it’s a good thing they were wearing super absorbent tampons and had a raft in their purses. *SWISH* Count it!

This post guest-written by Spencer Pratt author of “I Bet Those Chickenshit Hells Angels Couldn’t Find My House and Drive a Harley Into My Testicles.”

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. tina

    I got a brother who said he saw you on a celebrity and millionaire dating site called BillionaireFriends.c om. Is that you?

  2. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    who’s the tranny?

  3. mimi

    FISH -Head SUKS!

    GO BRITNEY!

  4. tight lipped smiler

    Some years ago Mick collapsed backstage & had his stomach pumped of some 2 gallons of spuz. My guess it came from Lurch the Arm Candy at his side.

  5. Haha!!! Spencer Pratt…

    HEY ANGELS!!! Heidi Montag called you all PUSSIES as well!!! GET HER!!

  6. Auntie Kryst

    Nice one Fish, I like the save at the end. I’m thinking, dumbass is pissing off the Angels!…No wait, whew. Of course, now you have Hunter Thompson waiting patiently in the afterlife to come kick your wussy ass.

  7. D. Richards (Whore.)

    The Hells Angels wanted wanted to assassinate Mick Jagger?

    Isn’t that a little excessive. Mick Jagger’s like a tiny, harmless woman.

    Which would explain the entire plot. Jagger refused to ride ‘bitch’ on the Head of the Sacremento chapter of The Hells Angels, Larry ‘Knuckles’ Volmer’s, chopper after only one ride. Seems ol’ Knuckles was a little too ‘handsy’. And rarely bathed.

  8. mimi

    tight lipped smiler…

    That is just a stupid urban myth.

    2 gallons of spuz! Do you know how many guys or superfish-heads it would take to spew that much “spuz?’

    U R AN IDIOT!

  9. amma

    I think the term “butter face” was invented specifically to describe Mick Jagger. On top of that, at his height, he still had the body of a girl. “Petite” & “man” should never be used in the same sentence.

  10. Auntie Kryst

    PS, I’m pleased to see that Mick is finally dating someone age and gender(?) appropriate. @4 You’re a dumbass, wasn’t that myth really about Rod Stewart?

  11. What’s he doing with Cher from the 70′s??

  12. adeliza

    #2—-
    her name is L’Wren. Yeah, L’Wren. What ever on the jackass name. Basically, she is a brunette Jerry Hall look alike.
    With an asshat name.

  13. Uh oh…something is happening with the comments again…

  14. Gilligan's Angels

    The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed…

  15. Those pictures remind me of Friday night. Even with all the estrogen treatments, the tranny was able to stay in me much longer than the elderly guy.

  16. mike

    I just read this about the Iranian president’s visit to Iraq:
    “The United States has accused Iran of supporting some insurgent groups in Iraq, including supplying explosively-formed penetrators, the deadliest and most sophisticated type of roadside bomb.”

    Explosively-formed penetrator. I believe I have a new nickname for Frist’s favorite lollypop.

  17. sam

    I do not think that’s Cher. I believe that’s the lead singer from Dead or Alive and I must say he’s aging very well.

  18. LL

    Damn, you stab and stomp one guy to death at a concert, and all of a sudden, you’re not good enough to work security. Our people at Gitmo stomp more people to death before 9 am than most people do all day. Not sure where I’m going with this…

    Oh, yeah, Mick Jagger is now, and has always been, unattractive. I hope he thanks whatever god he prays/sacrifices to every day for his money and fame, because otherwise, he would not be getting top-shelf booty like he is now. From women or men.

  19. LL

    Damn, you stab and stomp one guy to death at a concert, and all of a sudden, you’re not good enough to work security. Our people at Gitmo stomp more people to death before 9 am than most people do all day. Not sure where I’m going with this…

    Oh, yeah, Mick Jagger is now, and has always been, unattractive. I hope he thanks whatever god he prays/sacrifices to every day for his money and fame, because otherwise, he would not be getting top-shelf booty like he is now. From women or men.

  20. Unimpressed

    Uhhh … Yeah …. this was news some 35 freaking years ago sub….
    = not news today.
    I’m just glad Keith Richards is still alive – it gives me hope for my OWN future

  21. LL

    Sorry for the double post. Please don’t send the Hell’s Angels after me. I don’t need that kind of shit on a Monday.

  22. ApacheRose

    Goddammit, Superfish, fix your fucking comments already.

  23. Sonny Barger

    Mick, we are still pissed and we never forget.

  24. Mike

    I don’t have a nickname for my favorite lollypop, it is just called a butt plug.

  25. cvcvcv

    That tampon joke wouldn’t be as funny if the H.A got a hold of you and started beating your ass I bet. Internet pussies for the win!

  26. gits

    I bet she fists him while “Under My Thumb” is playing.

  27. I’m sure his junk is beginning to look like an old sausage casing with half of the meat gone…

  28. D. Richards (Moped.)

    I never realized that The Hells Angels have a cyber-division. Strange.

    Child porno — right, fellas?!

  29. Sid

    Wow there’s an actual Hell’s Angel on the site (#25)!

    Well, actually just a Hell’s Angels’ bitch.

  30. #17, that was funny, but actually I think I’ve seen a recent picture of that guy and NO HE IS NOT!!

    #20, heh heh me too..

  31. Tapeworm

    Everyone who rides a Harley is required to wax his vagina before riding.

    WTF.

    Me big CAVEMAN. Me have SMALL DICK!!!! Me ride HOG so that people SEE ME!

    Yes world, I am somebody!!! Please pay attention to me and my furry back and my 2 inch cock.

    Fucking douchebag biker assholes.

  32. Trover

    Since Mick Jagger can’t bed Bowie anymore, he moved up to Cher impersonators. The least that tranny could do is get itself some fakies. I mean, try to sell it.

  33. Computer Enthusiast

    I just started prospecting with a local Angels club here in my town. I’m not really into motorcycles, but the clubhouse has free WiFi.

  34. junior

    thats a big bitch

  35. Gerald_Tarrant

    @12 – L’Wren? I think that is short for LaWRENce. That thing was certainly called Larry as a child and picked on for playing with Barbie dolls until the age of, well, now.

  36. Stevie

    this post reminds me, i need to find my book that i meant to read about some guy that hangs out and writes about the hells angels but i forgot the name of the book.

  37. meh

    Wow #31…resentment much? I think you need to calm down a little. Not all bikers are dipshit assholes like most of the HA…No, I’m not scared to say it. Most of them are jerks. Greedy little bitches. I live in a county run by them. How stupid is that? God. Stupid fat white guys on a drug induced power trip. It has nothing to do with the bikes, but everything to do with their shitty “I’m so much tougher than you” attitude. One day they will all burn…and this stupid county will realize what a pathetic group of people they are to be scared of a bunch of pussies.

    That concludes today’s HA rant…for now.

  38. Gonzo

    36 – Hell’s Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs, authored by Hunter S. Thompson.

  39. commish

    #36

    Don’t bother. It’s shit, just like every other piece the drugged up dead loser wrote.

  40. commish

    #36

    Don’t bother. It’s shit, just like every other piece the drugged up dead loser wrote.

  41. commish

    Obviously I feel so strongly about HST’s “works”, I had to post my opinion twice . . . . .

  42. double poster

    Weee doen’ like yer kind here in Alabamy…

  43. HST goes ATM on commish

    “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.”

  44. Ted from LA

    I heard the Hells Angels are secretly trying to kill Keith Richards with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. So far, no luck.

  45. PrettyBaby

    Remember when Mick Jagger boinked David Bowie?

    So sweet.

  46. commish

    #43

    You prove my point through the words of the dead guy. That crap was award winning? You could draw the same conclusion about Oreos.

    And you should know, a gentleman never suggests ATM; he waits for the dirty slut to ask for it . . . . .

  47. HST goes ATM on commish

    “We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60′s. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary’s trip. He crashed around America selling “consciousness expansion” without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously… All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create… a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody… or at least some force – is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.”

  48. bonner

    too bad 81 didnt succeed.

  49. huhhuhhuh

    L’Ren? I thought he died right after creating that stupid fake religion.

  50. Italian Stallion

    He looks like he needs mothers little helper………

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