Michelle Williams & Jason Segel Broke Up

If anyone cares, Michelle Williams and Jason Segel broke up a few weeks ago because of “distance,” according to People. Which is of course a cover story for after a year into a relationship Michelle Williams expects you to put a baby in her then get killed by the Olsen twins. She lays it out right from the beginning, but all Jason Segel heard was, “Fist me like a pale Muppet, you gangly bitch!” That’s all he ever hears.

Photos: Fame/Flynet