Michelle Rodriguez & Zac Efron Broke Up

August 21st, 2014 // 15 Comments

And just as soon as it began, Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron‘s relationship is already over, so assume the whole thing went exactly like this: “Oh. Sniff. Hey. Sniff. Oh. You like coke? Sniff. Yeah. Cool. Sniff. Oh, shit, we’re fucking? Uh uh uh. Sniff. Yeah! Sniff. Backflips, yeah, backflips! Let’s do ‘em! WHOO! Sniff. Fuck. I gotta get back – sniff – and movie. Sniff. Hey, weren’t you that chick in Lost? Sniff. Hey. Alright. Sniff. Shit. Bye.”

(That literally works with either one of them saying it. I know. That’s the beauty of it.)

Photo: CIAO/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News


  1. dontkillthemessenger

    You left out the part when Michelle says, “Despite your feminine features, you don’t have a vagina.”

  2. I’m convinced Michelle thought Zac was Cara Delevingne this whole time.

  3. Effie

    “Sniff. Is that you? Sniff. Eewww…bye Michelle.”

  4. Wait, this doesn’t make sense. Isn’t Michelle Rodriguez a lesbian? And doesn’t Zac Efron have a vagina? It sounds perfect.

  5. brick

    If you’ve seen 2-3 episodes of The L Word you already knew how this was going to turn out.

  6. Marketing Mike

    Geez, Zac goes through more beards than Taylor Swift.

  7. Michelle Rodriguez Bikini Zac Efron Boat Dock Sardinia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Zac, wait! C’mon…I thought you knew I wasn’t Jessica Alba!”

  8. Zac Efron started shooting a new movie yesterday. Female lead in the movie is Emily Ratajkowski.

  9. Swearin

    Now now, we all know the pretty girl in Lost with the great skin and sparkling eyes was Ian Somerhalder

  10. Miley Cyrusis aslut

    I think that with his drug issues and all that goes with them, Zav thought he had been reunited with Nessa, only to discover that he was with Michelle, who reeks of Cara-sweat, and 6month old pussy juice.

  11. Michelle Rodriguez Bikini Zac Efron Boat Dock Sardinia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey Zac. Do you want to fuck again?”
    “No. My asshole can’t take another pounding.”

  12. right

    zac ran out of coke.

  13. Hmm

    Guess she was a little rougher with the strap-on than Zac liked.

  14. I’m pretty sure their brief relationship/breakup featured Michelle telling him, “Omigod, you so do not need a Magnum.”

  15. I firmly believe she only decided to date him after hearing he was a pussy… easy mistake.

  16. This is a bit overbown. Palomalu just had to return to practice with the Steelers and does not have time to let that Bieber guy keep giving it to him up the ass.

  17. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    I bet it has nothing to do with the fact that she is a raging lesbo and he is a flaming homo.

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