Michelle Rodriguez Understands The Oscars

May 30th, 2012 // 49 Comments
Oscar Gold
Zac Efron Nicole Kidman
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Apparently it’s Characters From LOST Say Whatever The Fuck They Want Day, because here’s Michelle Rodriguez explaining to Vulture why Nicole Kidman won’t win an Oscar solely for peeing on Zac Efron even though she clearly should. So right off the bat you can tell this was a sober conversation:

As for those outrageous Paperboy scenes where Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron and arrives at a very loud hands-free orgasm, “I fucking loved it,” Rodriguez enthused. “One of my friends said, ‘She’s going to get nominated for an Oscar for that.’ I was like, ‘Nah, man. She’s not black!’ I laugh, but it’s also very sad. It makes me want to cry. But I really believe. You have to be trashy and black to get nominated. You can’t just be trashy.

Sitting in front of his computer in a darkened room, Tom Hanks takes a sip of his scotch before walking past his two Oscars on his way to the bathroom. As he stares in the mirror slowly removing the white paint from his black skin as he done so many nights before in secret, only one thought and one thought only occupies his mind, “I will kill you for this, Michelle Rodriguez. I will kill you dead…”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

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  1. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    peter-dinklage's-whore
    Commented on this photo:

    is that her strap on

  2. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    peter-dinklage's-whore
    Commented on this photo:

    that guy wants to fuck her but is afraid at the same time

  3. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Voss
    Commented on this photo:

    She reminds me of this really trashy Nicaraguan girl I knew. That’s why now I only stick to South American beauties.

  4. I can’t wait to hear if Hurley or Desmond are talking shit today…

  5. Deacon Jones

    She reminds me of myself when I drink.

    Full throttle and letting the opinions fly!

  6. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Mcdoubler
    Commented on this photo:

    oh my, that’s a fine penis right there, i’ll take that as well. hmm? no i don’t need it gift wrapped, i’ll wear it out

  7. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh my God, look at all these damn microphones, gross.

  8. Frank Burns

    Kudos to Hollywood for introducing fetish urination to the movie-going public, with of course a salute to Kim Kardashian for her groundbreaking/mattress-wetting amateur work in this area. March on, celebrity tinkle-troopers, we were all tired hearing about gays anyway!

  9. theoriginal LJ

    An equally good quote form the interview is:

    “Rodriguez had come to Cannes as an ambassador to the Sea Shepherds organization, “and my whole thing is that it’s really my priority to help those guys out, so it kind of bummed my Cannes experience,”….”

    So the folks who paid her way to Cannes expected her to stay sober and talk about the “cause” she says she supports? What’s up with that? There’s parties….there’s good drinks ….and there’s coke…and these fools want me to be serious…..fuck them.

    • it had to be said

      Better idea: drop her in the water, scare all the whales away, problem solved.

      Come on, Sea Shepherds. Get on your game.

  10. She’n not white. The fallout won’t be that bad.

    • Unless she’s “white hispanic”

      • Jerfoff

        WTF is white hispanic

      • It’s what the New York Times labels Hispanics who cannot otherwise serve their purposes when it comes to race baiting.

        By the same logic, we have a White Black President.

      • fu2uae

        Hispanic isn’t even a race. Michelle Rodrigues is a mixed ethnicity woman. Her nationality is American but race-wise she’s mixed.

      • Devilish Diva

        THANK YOU! Hispanic is not a race—it’s a culture and it’s a quite varied culture. You can be black, white, asian, indigenous or any combination of those.

    • Otto

      A DNA test of Rodriguez, performed by the television program Finding Your Roots, on PBS, stated that her ancestry is 73% European, 23% African, and 4% Native American.

      • Cpm

        And remember how bummed she was? She only cheered up when her african and native American roots were revealed.

      • Yeah, nobody wants to be white anymore.

        sniff

      • Truth

        well wtf was she expecting? its not like they were gonna say you are 50% latino 25% black and 25% indigenous

        There is not such thing as latino. The lighter ones are just indigenous mixed with more white. The white ones are just white, the black ones are just black and the indigenous are just indigenous.

        There is no latino.

      • Truth

        Another thing is: how is she going to identify with white. She’s not a blue eyed blond chick. You can tell she’s part black and native but you can’t see the white.

  11. Alex

    Around America, several NAACP leaders’ heads just fucking exploded trying to spin this. At the same time, Al Sharpton shit his pants and Jesse Jackson is stuttering more than usual.

  12. USDA Prime McBeef

    i imagine her performing violent cunnilingus, like that’s her main outlet for hating men.

  13. El Jefe

    I love M-Rod.

  14. muahah

    I wonder if she’s met Lindsay Lohan yet. I think they would make an awesome couple.

  15. dooood

    i don’t wanna split hairs or anything but didn’t charlize theron and eminem win oscars?

    gotta think before you talk QTπ

  16. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Pepe
    Commented on this photo:

    This what drugs can do for you. jejejejeje

  17. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    sycho
    Commented on this photo:

    Michelle could pee in my mouth. I’d get her my personal oscar for that.

  18. Nana

    I think she’s referring to Halle Berry’s win for Monster’s Ball

  19. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    GrandDragon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wow! The rent on Park Place with 4 houses is $1300!”

  20. …Said the Puerto Rican/Dominican drunken, feminist, dyke.

  21. Cpm

    Michelle is usually pretty hot, but she hates white people. On NBC’s geneology show she was really bummed to find out that her DNA was 75% european. Note to Michelle: Hispanic=Spain.

    • Devilish Diva

      Just like many, if not most, of the whites in the Americas, white Hispanics are prejudiced to some degree towards those who are are not white.
      Michelle is clearly mestiza (mixed race) and is not ignorant to this prejudice. Many people want to have a more exotic background than what they have.

    • Truth

      I don’t think she hates white people. I think its normal she identifies herself more with her black and indigenous side. To many Latinos a white person is someone with really white ghostly skin, blue eyes and blond hair. So, it would be strange for her to identify with that since she doesn’t look like that. I think she’s just being realistic with herself.
      The strange thing is that white people can have dark hair, brown eyes and olive skin but they also get asked if they are latin american because they don’t look like that stereotypical >white person

  22. kimmykimkim

    Hmm, she has attached earlobes.

  23. Well, fuck. There go my chances of ever winning an Oscar.

  24. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Commented on this photo:

    I see France has wannabe douchebag hipster DJs too. My condolences.

  25. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with that face – did he stick a lemon up her cooch?

  26. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Gary
    Commented on this photo:

    Filthy smoker. Gross.

  27. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    d33p
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a french ID to me

  28. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    judd
    Commented on this photo:

    Those definitely the biggest implants I have ever seen on a man!

  29. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Ally
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently the image was not working. I’ve just fixed it, and now that you can see it you can not argue that the pobilssiity that she is a cave woman isnt true.

  30. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    flaT
    Commented on this photo:

    Guy on the right, “It rubs the lotion on the skin”

  31. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a face of a mexican peasant.

  32. Michelle Rodriguez Drunk Cannes Sea Shepherd Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are the jaws always ajar?

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