UPDATE – Michael Vick publicly apologizes, finds Jesus

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NFL player Michael Vick made a statement today regarding his part in an illegal dogfighting ring, apologizing to everyone and saying that he’s found Jesus. TMZ reports:

Vick wasn’t specific about the acts he was sorry for, but declared, “Dogfighting is a terrible thing. I reject it.” Between apologies to everyone from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank – to all the kids who used to look up to him, Vick declared that he’s found Jesus and has turned his life over to God. “I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself, to say the least. I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts. What I did was very immature, so that means I need to grow up. I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to be a better Michael Vick the person, not the football player.”

Clearly Michael Vick’s publicist is unaware that the whole “I found Jesus” angle might not be the best route these days. Especially considering every celebrity that finds him also happens to be a complete asshole who got drunk and then accidentally killed a guy. Besides, considering what he’s done you’d think Vick wouldn’t want God to exist. Otherwise he’ll probably end up having an unpleasant encounter with a pit bull named Snuggles by week’s end. Did I mention Snuggles is a bit of a Viagra fiend?

UPDATE: Apparently the Atlanta Falcons didn’t have the balls to cut Vick so they’re keeping him on the team. They announced in a statement: “We cannot tell you today that Michael is cut from the team. It may feel better emotionally, but it’s not in the long term best interest of our franchise.”

Tags: Michael Vick