Michael Vick’s reality show is actually happening

October 7th, 2009 // 99 Comments

In case anyone needed further proof that reality TV is the seventh cockring of Satan, Michael Vick is getting his own reality show on BET. But don’t worry, it’ll be totally serious considering it’s essentially a giant PR move so he can get back on some Wheaties boxes. The LA Times reports:

“I just want people to really get to know me as an individual,” Vick said last week in an interview from his home in Philadelphia. “What I want to do is change the perception of me. I am a human being. I’ve made some mistakes in the past, and I wish it had never happened. But it’s not about how you fall, but about how you pick yourself up.”
Producers of the Vick series emphasized the program should be considered a docu-series — not a typical reality show like VH-1′s “The T.O. Show,” which revels in the excesses of its flamboyant star, wide receiver Terrell Owens. The tone of Vick’s show, say producers, will be serious and somber as it focuses on his personal struggles since his release, including the strains on his relationships with his fiancée, Kijafa Frink, and his children. It will also revisit the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kan., where Vick spent 1 1/2 years behind bars and the Virginia property where he ran and financed a dogfighting ring.

Michael Vick says it’ll be a “blueprint for kids” in dealing with adversity. Because I can’t remember how many times in my childhood I was peer pressured into gambling thousands of my NFL dollars on dogfights. No, really, it seemed like every time I tried to do my homework on the bus someone’s whipping a pitbull out of their backpack and I end up getting yelled at for losing my Super Bowl ring. Again.

NOTE: Scope out The Onion on Michael Vick. It reads like fucking Shakespeare.

Photo: Getty

  1. First

    First! Vick eats hot dogs.

  2. Amanda-La

    BOO this topic is so boring I couldn’t read past the second sentence. Michael Vick sucks and so does BET.

  3. Irene Barcelo

    I will agree with Amanda-La. No matter what – we can’t change the fact that he brutally hurt man’s best friend without any regard. I just can’t look at him.

  4. h

    Vick is a piece of garbage for what he did to those poor dogs ….

    Yes, I am an animal lover and not a racist ( my hubby is black )

  5. sharon H

    I’m confused about the peer pressure and betting thousands of his NFL money on dog fights. Has he been playing in the NFL since he was in junior high or is he just still in high school for the 15th year??? He is a grown man, a large man at that and no one should be able to “peer pressure” him into anything.

  6. Who is going to watch this stupid show beside some crack whores and welfare mothers who are just passing time before Oprah comes on…

  7. Fuck You

    I just want to know one thing… just one thing:

    While Vick was in prison, you just know some big bull queer wanted a taste of that sweet chocolate NFL ass while he was in the joint.

    So do you think Vick took it up the ass while he was in the “penal” system?

  8. DJ Smith

    friggin bottom feeder should have been shot already

  9. Danklin24

    This isnt surprising when a cockbite like TO gets his own show on VH1. I swear that network would give a show to a retarded transexual midget that drools all over and shits it’s pants.

  10. D4P

    I developed a little saying about douchebags. It goes like this:

    “Once a douchebag, always a douchebag.”

  11. Danklin24

    #7 you’re the only one that wonders if Vick likes it up the ass. So i have only one question for YOU, why?

  12. Clamhammer

    I understand they are really trying to capture the essence of the wonder that is Michael Vick. His camera crew was so moved to be a part of this inspirational story, that they filmed all 24 Episodes hanging upside down from metal coat racks with alligator clips wired to car batteries hooked to their nipples.
    The Director of photography stated, he would often ask Vick to kick a cameraman of his choosing in the junk every half hour to keep morale up. The Editor, whom was beaten too severely to comment after a spotting session of the pilot, had his doctors mold the full body cast so that his dislocated thumbs were up. As if to say, Thanks Mike, see you at the Emmys.
    Two of the production assistants were chosen by lottery, and pulled from the P.A. Pit to see a sneak preview of the finished pilot. One stated he was moved to tears, and not because of the flogging. The other simply went blind. “It was as if someone had superglued my eyelids open,” he said, not looking at all in the direction of our reporter, ” and I was staring directly into the Sun.”
    B.E.T’s Lawyers were unavailable for comment on behalf of the blinded P.A. but assured us in an e-mail that the Producer in charge of glueing eyelids open and facing staffers towards the sun, had been let go earlier in the month due to the Economy, and corporate downsizing. Which leaves us only with the conclusion, that the show was so beautiful, it dried out his corneas and left him with third degree burns covering ninety eight percent of his face, and one hundred percent of his genitals.
    I for one will DVR every episode. You only get one, or more chances to get things right. Something tells me, this might be that time. Maybe.

  13. Fuck You


    Well, your mom and I were talking, and she told me that YOU like giving it up the ass as well as taking it up the ass, and I just thought we might hook you up with Vick and you two could buttfuck each other senseless.


  14. What’s the world coming to…why does this guy need his own show? this is insane!

  15. Randal(l)

    Wait, which Kardashian is he cornholing again? Because the only reason this should be considered news would be if he’s cornholling one of the Kardashians…then using pliers to yank her teeth out and then drowning her.


  16. Slice

    Michael Vick is a disgusting piece of shit, and so is anyone who defends him. The fact that he wants to teach kids about “overcoming adversity”, like he’s some kind of victim, just proves that he’s a selfish, cruel asshole who still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Since when is going to jail for brutally torturing and killing living things called adversity? Last time i checked, it was called JUSTICE. I don’t care what anyone says about how he did his time and he deserves a second chance. He only stopped because he got caught, and every statement he’s made since then has just been him feeling sorry for himself.

  17. Racer X


    /18+ kids and more on the way? Check!
    //7 different cultures hooking for no reason in a house? Check!
    ///football player having dogs fight till their death? Check!
    ////do something dumb or if you’re blonde white woman you’ve got yourself a tv show

  18. Taz

    @ #16 well done sir

  19. cheezy_peanut

    I don’t know what to say about this anymore. If no one watches the show it will be cancelled but there are still so many people out there who say it is cultural. Sorry but fighting dogs to death is NOT cultural and he should be shamed not lauded with a big NFL contract and a TV show. What is wrong with our society?

  20. SuperLoveSeat

    Will Kanye make a cameo? Y’know, take over the show for a bit and then leave his wake?

    Amazing what passes for “celebrity” these days….

  21. Jack Johnson

    I was a huge EAGLES fan and when I heard the news they signed
    Vick I removed the Eagles Dog Collar that I had on my dog and threw
    it in the trash. Anyone he really knows about the Vick case and what
    he did and did for a long time to those poor dogs should not
    support the Eagles or this Piece of TRASH!

    He is only remorseful because he went to jail and lost Millions!
    That 60 minutes interview he did was nothing but a fluff piece
    and he was interviewed by James Brown who is a NFL commentator,
    go figure!

    The NFL and the Eagles should be ashamed of themselves!

  22. Jack Johnson

    I was a huge EAGLES fan and when I heard the news they signed
    Vick I removed the Eagles Dog Collar that I had on my dog and threw
    it in the trash. Anyone he really knows about the Vick case and what
    he did and did for a long time to those poor dogs should not
    support the Eagles or this Piece of TRASH!

    He is only remorseful because he went to jail and lost Millions!
    That 60 minutes interview he did was nothing but a fluff piece
    and he was interviewed by James Brown who is a NFL commentator,
    go figure!

    The NFL and the Eagles should be ashamed of themselves!

  23. Kick

    Got three words for ya: B-E-T. The same demographic that insists OJ is innocent simply because he’s black and she’s white and had it coming. I wanna be black and have a million dollar sense of entitlement.

  24. Charlie

    What’s up with his left eye? There’s a special place in hell for assholes like this. BET is scummy, was always scummy, and will always be scummy. Way to perpetuate the stereotype. Just don’t call me a racist when I tell it like it is from now on. And while we’re on the subject of BET–has anyone every wondered why there is no WET? Boy, the fire that would fuel would be interesting. Love the double standard. Hey here’s an idea–while you’re at it, why don’t you promote Chris Brown’s career, too. Or Kanye. If they want to promote their community, they should be adding shows about the Obamas and others who have actually made respectful names of themselves.

    PETA, do something productive with your passion for once and assassinate this horrible shitbag who gets hard off of watching innocent creatures suffer. I hope he did take it up the ass really hard in prison, #11. In fact, I hope they put a dog collar on him and made him beg for it.

  25. Iron Chic


  26. Andrew

    Black people sure do love other black people who do black people things…

  27. Truth Doctor

    #4 “Yes, I am an animal lover and not a racist ( my hubby is black )”

    The fact that you felt it necessary to mention racism proves that you ARE a racist.

  28. “blueprint for kids”? hopefully not kids with pets

  29. abby

    I wouldn’t care if this guy cured cancer.

  30. VicksJustDoesntGetIt

    “I’ve made mistakes…”

    A mistake is me hungover this morning and realizing after it was too late that I pissed with the seat up.

    Drowning and electrocuting dogs for fun and money wasn’t a mistake.

  31. You have got to be joking me? Have we run out of ideas to be reduced to the point of this? This man should be ashamed for what he did to those dogs. Only reason he’s sorry is because he got caught and it seriously cost him!! You couldn’t pay me to watch his show.

  32. drown

    This man should be tortured just like the way he treated those dogs….but keep him close to death & move on to the next thing he felt was ok to treat an animal. He did this to dogs…willing…he has issues. uuhh…..can we say sociopath people?

    Like to set a group of irish wolfhounds & doberman pinschers after him.

  33. vick is scum

    he is the absolute scum of the earth. he deserves no more media attention than he has already received. he is absolutely disgusting, and i don’t feel that his punishment was strong enough – from the legal system or from the nfl. whoever manages/owns the eagles should have had the moral standards not to hire such a filthy criminal (not just any old criminal -this isn’t some traffic violation or minor drug charge – this shows an absolute disrespect for life.). I agree with #22, we should all boycott the eagles for this – i never was an eagles fan, but i really hope sales of tshirts and all that garbage takes a huge hit because of this asshole is on the team. like it or not, pro athletes are role models, and this sets an absolutely disgusting example. i don’t care if he has ‘repented.’ how dare he blame this on ‘adversity.’ look, maybe he wasn’t raised with any morals, but he certainly wasn’t facing any adversity as a pro football player making millions. and i might be wrong here, but didn’t hank baskett get let go cause this piece of trash got out of jail? hank actually seems like nice, normal, down to earth guy with some morals and a baby on the way…and this sleeze gets to make money instead? i guess its all about wins and money at the end of the day (and i understand winning is important in sports, but when the cost is hiring someone without a soul, its not worth it). that also sends a bad message to kids – ‘oh, well, we need to win, to get more money…so lets just turn a blind eye to the fact that this douche is a sick, violent fuck who killed and tortured innocent animals, and is probably a ticking time bomb before he pulls a similar move on a human…so long as he wins!’

  34. It’s called Chihuaua Burger.

    Maybe if they sent him to stop animal cruelty in third world countries. He’d be dead in a week though.

  35. dan

    Good luck to the Eagles finding some new fans. I will never watch them again.

  36. jd

    A new low, even for BET.

  37. zane

    This is sickening.

  38. Rebecca

    WTH?! It’s like he didn’t do anything wrong! I hate celebrities! I’m not into football, but I think it’s a shame that Kendra’s husband was dropped so Vick could come back. I thought there was some NFL rule that if you were caught gambling, in any way, you were kicked out of the NFL. Dogfighting is gambling. It makes no sense. I refuse to watch it or the channel it airs on. Whatever channel airs it should be ashamed of themselves.


  39. alex


  40. Cornelius

    A new low for BET, TV, America, and the World.

    And I thought the fact that the Hills whores are paid close to $100k per EPISODE was bad.

  41. sam90

    Shame on you BET.

  42. Sinamon

    PEER PRESSURE?! what is he, 13?! he’s a grown man and sounds like he has yet to really take responsibility. he’s still blaming it on some external source. can we “peer pressure” him into offing himself?

    the dude helped drown, electrocute, and choke dogs to death because they lost their matches. so, can i choke this sonofabitch with my bare hands if he loses a game? or can his teammates just be allowed to tear chunks out of him while be bleeds to death? either way is just.

  43. FACE

    I hope it is a run away hit. Vick did his time and paid his fine. He deserves the same opportunities that these worthless white people who get exposed as racists (Paris Hilton, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Micheal Richards, Miley Cirus) get all the time on TV. Our culture is still so racist and negative on the black man that it can not even allow a man to redeem himself.

    Go Mike Vick!

  44. Sarah

    I love how he says he’s a “human being.” He’s dirt. If he never got caught he would still be doing it. I don’t see how anyone could support him.

  45. Peter Pumpkin Eater

    Only in America would some racist television network give a convicted criminal his own reality tv show…

  46. This sounds totally strange to me.I watch a serial where it is pictured on totally this type of concept.Anyways its good one and appreciate it lol.

  47. Awesome post and strange news for me.Good luck vick.

  48. melanie

    haha, #43 – way to bring up the race card – nice excuse (i am so damn tired of that card, it aggravates the shit out of me and gives people a reason for racism!)… #46 is actually right, most all serial killers started out killing animals. and yes, the dog fighting was WRONG, but i think that people are missing the point. it wasnt soley the dog fighting, it was what he DID TO THOSE DOGS besides just fighting them. he tortured and mutliated them.. watch dogtown, see what he did before you open your big fat mouth and say this is about race, #43 – it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE – IF THE MAN WAS FRIGGIN BLUE I WOULD SAY HE SHOUDL ROT IN HELL, SO SHOULD THE NFL FOR RE-HIRING HIM AS WELL AS YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BET! jerk!

  49. Iron Chic

    Hey FACE # 43,

    It’s SO EASY to play the RACE CARD…. that went sh*t went out w/ the 90′s. Get over it already,

    signed Iron Chic ( a hip hop DJ who voted for Obama, who also loves Don Imus)

    as per my feelings on Vick, see #25

  50. The Skit Guy

    Ya know. Fish said it best. That Onion article really does read like fucking Shakespeare. I encourage everyone to check it out, after, of course, you read the rest of this site :)

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