Michael Vick gets sued by a crazy person

August 15th, 2007 // 139 Comments

NFL quarterback Michael Vick is facing federal charges for allegedly participating in illegal dogfighting, and now he’s being hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches, who says Michael stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran.” Fox News reports:

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver ” delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Oh yeah, did I mention the lawsuit was written by hand? Because it’s written by hand. And I’m not a lawyer, but this Jonathan Lee Riches sounds like he’s got a rock solid case. Michael Vick better start saving, because “$63 billion dollars backed by gold and silver ” is kind of a lot of money. I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty good with numbers.


  1. Don Mega

    Funniest thing ever. This is funnier than that movie with Eddie Murphy as a fatass teacher.

  2. jrzmommy

    That fucking rocks! Crazy people are fucking awesome!

  3. jrzmommy

    “Michael Vick used drugs in school zones.”
    HAHAHAHAHA! This dude should write for the Fish.

  4. I know the last time I was hit with a hand written lawsuit for $63 billion I panicked but then I just wrote a check and the guy burned the paper and then we went on a date and then we had a baby. It’s all good now.

  5. Lovely

    He stole two “white mixed” pit bull dogs? Fucking Racist Cunt…..

  6. Jrzmommy, don’t forget he was subjected to microwave testing also.

  7. George

    # 85 -

    Do you live under a rock or something?

  8. wow

    That damn Michael Vick. I KNEW he was using drugs in school zones!

  9. veggi

    Guuuud Marnin’ fishers!

  10. jenster

    Jeebus, tapdancing christ. Well Good for him I suppose.

  11. jenster

    wait a fucking minute. I want to know where this guy got a hold of
    “filed” and “recieved” stamps……did he draw those too?

  12. No, by law the court has to stamp their copy, as ridiculous as the suit may be.

  13. And, btw, WHERE IS THE FUCKING NEW POST??? I gotta go to work soon!!!!!

  14. Bugman4045

    This is part of what is wrong with our legal system. The court has to log this in as a document and give it some legitimate attention. If our legal system had an iota of sense to it, this guy would simply have his pens taken away from him.

  15. mywellrehearsedmistake

    A list of some of the people that this chump tried to sue last year….

    George W. Bush, Hillary Rodham Clinton, James Hoffa, http://www.google.com, Pope Benedict XVI, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, John Deere, http://www.accuweather.com, Adolf Hitler’s National Socialist Party, Roc-A-Fella Records, Shawn Carter (doing business at Jay-Z), Japan’s Nikkei Stock Exchange, Gambino (crime family), Three Mile Island, Tony Danza, Islamic Republic of Iran, University of Miami, GEICO Insurance, Jewish State of Israel, Soledad O’Brien, Tsunami victims, The American Red Cross, Jessica Alba, Charles Moose, al-Qaida Islamic Arm,Fruit of A-Loom [sic], Outback Steakhouse, Donald J. Trump, Chris Berman, Shawn John Combs (doing business as Puff Daddy, doing business as Mr. Ditty [sic]), Vincent K. McMahon, Meals on Wheels, Saddam Hussein, Jewish workers at NBC/Universal, Elizabeth Smart, The Panama Canal Commission, Kelly Clarkston [sic], 13 tribes of Israel, Plato, Lincoln Memorial, Boris Becker, Various Buddhist monks, Christina Applegate, Jewish Mossad, National Vanguard Books, Mein Kampf, Venus Williams, Medieval Times, Denny’s, Brotherhood of the Snake, Larry King, Larry King Live 9 p.m., Rastafarian natives, National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, Ulluminati [sic], Wu-Tang Clan, Wu Wear Inc., Nordic gods, The Da Vinci Code, Sears Tower, Mike Tyson, Native American Fish Society, Green Bay’s Lambeau Field, Pizza Hut, Ming Dynasty, Barry Bonds, Gangs in Hong Kong, Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, National Hockey League Players’ Association, Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster, including Donovan McNabb), The Waffle House …
    (from the http://www.citypaper.net.)

    Still laughing my ass off reading that. And i thought Britney was a crazy loon

  16. Hey FRIST are you going to be the offical legal councel for the Fish? I am going to call you to reprsent me when I get tossed into jail

  17. @115 WTF is that crap. I hate it when you assholes post 10 tons of crap. Nobody is going to read the shit you stuck out here and it just take twice as long to scroll past it.

    I am sure this is the work of our local troll getting an early start

  18. Bugman, you are exactly right.
    Bite me, I will take the case. I’m not a lawyer, so we will lose, but I’ll try my best to not get you executed.

  19. Britney's Nappy Weave

    Michael Vick should hang. Period.

  20. Gotta go to work, bye!

  21. sausagesandwhich

    He tried to sue Meals on Wheels? He expected a guy in a wheelchair with a woody?

  22. mywellrehearsedmistake

    117. oh i’m sorry – maybe if you read a line or two it might make you laugh. after all i have to scroll past all that shit about you guys all making out and getting it on and wanting each others emails addresses. and i’ve NEVER complained about that til now. so just read it. go on. i dare ya.

  23. I thought Convicted Felons didnt have Rights? So how can anyone violate them?

  24. Janice

    I was going to write what number 90 did.

    As for the writer of this article, if you’re so good with numbers you wouldn’t have written “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar”.

  25. Nick

    Best. Story. Ever!

  26. kaychrzan

    can i just ask what the hell microwave testing is!

  27. Beer Baron

    This guy is hilarous. He reminds me of Jeffery Goines in 12 Monkeys. I hope the poor son of a bitch wins that much money from Vick. He’s an American, so it’s his divine right. USA! USA!

  28. Andrea

    You are all sadly mistaken about this. Very very mistaken.

    I am a forensic psychologist, and in my job, I have worked with over a thousand individuals similar to this gentleman. This man does not think he is joking. It is not funny. This man is obviously mentally ill, and what you have decided to post (and comment on) are the writings of a very sick mind.

    I enjoy thesuperficial.com for its rags on overpaid, overprivileged, entitled “celebrities” who have the mental capacity to defend themselves. I, as about the farthest thing from a celebrity, certainly enjoy seeing these types trip over themselves. It’s a great guilty pleasure and a great part of my day.

    However, the fact that you have chosen this piece to include in your blog and to encourage people to ridicule is sad, tremendously ignorant, tasteless, and uncalled for. You have made fun of a handicapped person, the same as making fun of someone with physical disabilties or someone who is mentally retarded.

    Before you decide to make a heinous blunder like this again, I suggest that you get some education about mental illness. I’d be happy to provide it.

    Not that you care, but you have lost my readership.

  29. hydro74

    The best part of this whole thing (other than the fact that he copyrighted his name) are the four counts on the top of page 4 – the last two are probably completely and utterly correct.

    I’m a lawyer, and this guy writes a better complaint than some that I’ve seen from my peers. I’d rather hire him than some douchebag 2008 graduate from Davidson.

    Fight on, Mr. Riches. Send me an email and I’ll help you get that copyright notice in compliance with the requirements of 17 U.S.C. 401.

    See, I told you I was a lawyer. BOO YAH!!!!!!!

  30. hydro74

    Oh yeah, 128? Suck it.

  31. woodhorse

    #128 You are the type of 2 dimensional thinking sanitizing type that never lasted as an employee in a mental institution because you did more harm than good. The mentally ill are not objects, they are people. And, as people, they make mistakes, get laughed at (and with) and learn or don’t learn, and basically live their lives as who they are. Laughing at a “sick” Britney isn’t any more OR LESS ethical than laughing at a “sick” Mr. Riches. People who have any of the classic psychiatric illnesses or people with learning disabilities are not less than neurotypical people, they are not less important, and they are not less a part of our community. I would attend a party with Mr. Riches present but I would have to pass on you. I am also very sure that Mr. Riches would prefer my honest and equal presence to your separatist and condescending ilk.

  32. TS

    Geez, lighten up.

  33. Beer Baron

    Hey #128, Andrea, if that’s you’re real name. Get off your soapbox and stop trying to be the bleeding heart that so desperately wish you were. Oh no, we’re laughing at a mentally handicapped person who is trying to sue Mick Vick for 1 ka-zillion dollars. Let’s not forget one thing here. Exhibit A: He’s in friggin prison for god’s sake! Shame on us and our enjoyment in guilty pleasures for laughing at a mentally challenged FEDERAL PRISONER. Obviously you don’t enjoy them, but do you know what, I relish these so-called guilty pleasures. They sure as hell distract me long enough from my pitiful so-called life, so that I can acutally forget about the urges to blugeon sanctimonious sons of bitches, such as yourself, in their fat heads with a tack hammer. So you go ahead and weep like a weakling for this insane prisoner. This site doesn’t need sensitive wanna-be’s, so don’t let the door hit your Louie Anderson-esque ass on the way out!

  34. Really???

    LOL I can’t believe you guys post crazy people’s dellusions like that… Interesting that you really need that much filler. I guess it’s entertainment though, if there’s not much news happening.

  35. Russell Reyes

    “MICHEAL VICK has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes”

    is that not one of the most hilarious things youve ever read?

  36. ubee0173

    i wonder if it was the microwave testing that “physically” hurt his feelings?

    i have this puppy that my husband found after it was THROWN OUT OF A MOVING VEHICLE by fucktards… i love my puppy, but i could do a lot of things if i had some missiles… why do lifes descisions have to be so difficult?

  37. woodhorse

    #132 OK but you realize that it was your sorry ass I was defending.

  38. lizzie1314

    This is the best thing I have ever read

  39. The inmate who sued Michael Vick has sued many other people, including LeBron James, Barry Bonds, and Tony Montana.



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