Michael Vick gets sued by a crazy person

August 15th, 2007 // 139 Comments

NFL quarterback Michael Vick is facing federal charges for allegedly participating in illegal dogfighting, and now he’s being hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches, who says Michael stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran.” Fox News reports:

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver ” delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Oh yeah, did I mention the lawsuit was written by hand? Because it’s written by hand. And I’m not a lawyer, but this Jonathan Lee Riches sounds like he’s got a rock solid case. Michael Vick better start saving, because “$63 billion dollars backed by gold and silver ” is kind of a lot of money. I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty good with numbers.


  1. Howard Cosell


    its play on swordfighting. You know, you and goerge are exchanging words, good or bad, doesn’t matter, and you come up with a decent line of logic, but the last sentence is “ZING”, the sharp pinch of the sword.

    Oh well, I was trying to be clever, guess it backfired. Sorry.

    And THAT’s today in Sports

  2. Goodman

    26 it’s all an act I’m mocking the idiots who actually take time out to dothis shit

    also you’re worse than everybody here if my existence is so miserable why doyou take time out to acknowledge it intentionally aiming for aflame war you are never going to get.

    Best regards,
    Mr. Goodman

    P.S. take time to re-evaluate your life before trying to insult me again, mate

  3. Shallow Val

    #46, OHHHHHHH, so THAT’s a troll. I thought it was someone who posted comments pretending to be someone else who is on the site already.

    Yeah, I never take the bait on trolls. At least I think I don’t…..

  4. kitty_boom

    ‘..subjected me to microwave testing.’


    ok come on now to whoever is being silly and thinks this is serious, or not written by someone who is deranged. Plus he would have to have a pretty big microwave.

  5. Try Me

    –> 53
    Well that’s what Wikipedia says a troll is.
    I guess you can trust Wiki.

  6. AmeriCanadian

    I aint no expert, but that handwriting does seem to indicate…uh…someone who is uh…a trifle unbalanced.

  7. Anathema Dave

    Who’s more insane here: The inmate or Fox News (and everyone else who followed with this) for actually running this “story” as if it held any weight of legitimacy? This would be perfect programming for my new television channel, Tard TV.

  8. Try Me

    –> 48
    No I’m not new to the internet.
    I just add me little comments where I can.

  9. March of last year this dude also sued pretty much everyone and everything that has ever existed, including W (of course), as well as accuweather.com, Skittles, Michaelangelo, and Paul Revere, for violating his civil rights. A full defendant list is here:


  10. Turkey Lurkey

    @ 59, Simon-
    I thought congress was supposed to be enacting laws to stop frivolous law suits and limiting inmate legal actions.

  11. I work in a law office, and that’s a pretty good lookin document, for not having a computer, that is…..
    Oh, and BTW, the guy’s fucken loonie as HELL!!!!!
    If he wins, I’m going to marry him.

  12. @61 WTC?? I thought you were going to marry me??

  13. kitty_boom

    I just had to look at the docufarm thing. W.T.F??!!!

    How does one sue the ‘Nobel Peace Prize’ or ‘Various Buddhist Monks’ exactly?

    hHAHAHAHAHAHHA oh my god i want this man to win all the prizes in the known universe. ever.

  14. Rdrbd82

    Did anyone notice that the dude put a copyright symbol by his name? HAHAHAHA!

  15. kitty_boom

    Yeah and he even put one by his signature! His signature!

    HAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHHAHAH seriously i cannot get over how much this has made me laugh this evening. brilliant.

  16. regular joe

    I’d like to see krazihotkelli have to live with this inmate.
    I’d also like to take every single goddamned annoying motherfucking cock-eating shit-licking ass-rimming old-man-feltching fist-fucking piece of fucked up pathetic diarreah coming out of the ass of an old syphilis infected boxcar hobo motherfucker who types “FIRST”, and rip their intestines out their asshole and make them eat it.

  17. Lexoka

    God, I looooooooove crazy people! This guy is a genius! I wonder what kind of “wire fraud” he’s in for, exactly.

  18. It’s funny, crazy people are strangely very intelligent. Kind of like me.

    Oh, and Bite Me, I’m changing my mind. Even if he wins 63,000,000,000 billion dollars, he’s not worth killing him in his sleep.

  19. my comment

    Wonder how much he’d sue for if the cleaners lost his pants?

  20. ToTellTheTruth

    Must be some silly assed, money hungry white person….

  21. keenanrh@yahoo.com

    i got lost/confused trying to read all these.

    the only thing i gather really is that most of you are missing the sheer comedic genius involved in this. apparently this guy’s got like 5 or 6 pending lawsuits of this nature against famous people. he’s locked up and he’s just dickin around having fun.

    we need more convicts like this…

    kudos do you, mr. Riches (c)

  22. Eagle Chick

    Where are the illustrations like Paris provides while she is incarcerated? I can’t read anything without pictures.

  23. Steve

    Actually, this guy is asking for 63 billion billion dollars. Man! Is there this much money in the whole world?

  24. steve-dave

    he sued larry king live , the jewish mossad, and the CIA in the middle of july.

    case still pending.

    i dont know if it’s possible to copyright your name, but if his name really is copyrighted, then there’s about 800,000 thousand thousand websites that owe this dude some money…clever scheme

  25. Eagle Chick

    Seriously, I want a picture of Vick “physically” hurting this guy’s feelings. I would like to see what that looks like!

  26. #72 hilaious, me neither

  27. Victoriaaaaaaaaaaa

    omfg this is absoulutely brilliant. HAHAHAHA
    It made me laugh laugh so damn hard when i read it. BOY i hope he wins this case. haha
    Michael Vick Is fuked

  28. TS

    If it’s true you are really mocking the idiots in here then please accept my apologies. Frankly you caught me on a bad day, I can admit I went too far whether you were mocking or not. It’s kind of hard to tell though when your mockery seems like genuine fixation on calling “first.” But like I said in #26, Why do I even care? Admittedly I shouldn’t. In fact it’s embarassing I even go to this gay-ass website in the frst place. Anyways, my bad. Apologies.

  29. whatever

    He should win this case against Michael Vick just for the fact that Vick is a piece of human shit. If I was a judge and this wack job were sitting on one side, and Vick on the other, I would award the wack job his 63,000,000,000 billion without giving Vick a chance to speak. And if Vick or his attorney did speak, I would throw both their asses in jail on contempt charges.

    I have no compassion for a man who would raise and train dogs to fight and kill each other. Fuck him. He should be thrown in a ring with a few trained dogs while people laugh and place bets on his dumb ass.

    Vick should find every fucking thing he has in life taken from him. He should go to prison and when he walks out, have nothing. His next job after 20 years in prison should be as a janitor at a dog pound. He should earn a meager living having to pick up dog shit for the rest of his life. That would be justice.

  30. Binky

    I’d like to connect with this guy and join the suit.
    My mom’s poodle ‘Pudz’ died a few years ago.
    CSI Canuckistan said the crime scene had ‘Atlanta Falcons’ written all over it.
    I guess I was out at least a few billion…

  31. Superevil

    66, You’ve got “Anger Issues”, but it’s cool let it all out.

  32. FIRST

    #66 – FIRST!!!

  33. star69

    Give the man his money Michael Vick.
    You damn dirty dogfighting ape.

  34. Binky

    Third and long Mike – Sing it :
    “NFL’s gonna try and get me into rehab-
    But I gotta explain the bow-wow-wow..
    NFL’s gonna try and get me into rehab -
    But there’s the bow-wow-wow.
    Who knew puppy-lover’s were Falcon fans ?
    Bow-wow wow.
    PETA bets on the NFL ?
    Bow wow wow.
    Look – the dog community discovered I thought 9-11 was an Inside Job
    Bow – wow wow”

    Binky : My advice Mike – Punt.

  35. Naomi Ray

    Who the hell is this guy? Why in God’s name is this news?

  36. me

    haha. cute.

  37. The Michael Vick story is sickening. Although I did go out and buy a “rape stand.” You never know

  38. Dixyland

    Jonathon Riches has physically hurt my feelings and dashed my hopes :( I was gonna sue him for 10 trillion dollars, but I might settle for part of his 63 Billion dollars.

  39. Binky

    #84 (with apologies to Amy Whino-House)
    bow wow wow :
    (She’s gonna hav’ta do rehab -no no no.) ?
    Binky: No, No, No, comment

  40. puntloos

    Actually the guy isn’t asking for 63 billion. He is asking for “63,000,000,000.00 billion” which is actually 63,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars. I’m not quite sure if there is enough money in the entire US to cover that.

  41. woodhorse

    #49. It’s a crazy person. Trust.

  42. woodhorse

    #52 Clarification please? Is “aflame war” something gay guys do?

  43. woodhorse

    #54 You should see the microwaves on the Psych Wards. Peeps come in with aluminum home-made hats in preparation.

  44. woodhorse

    #78 You are dense. Superficial has improved my life. Since I have started coming to Superfish (no pun intended), I have started saving for a helicopter/pool/submarine-Yacht (which I did not even know existed until Fish told me) and have decided to join Yoga classes so that I, too, one day will be good enough to spread myself out on the beach (again, I did not know this didn’t violate public decency laws until Fish showed me). So, I am richer and in better health because of SuperFish.

  45. Morning Wood

    Typical thug ass sitting behind bars with nothing better to do than dream up this stupid bullshit…
    Where are the bikini shots?

  46. Goodman

    TS I accept , 66 I really hope that don’t apply to me

  47. OMG, that is hilarious! Am I the only person who sees that this is obviously a joke?! I am quite sure whoever wrote this had too much time on his hands in jail and got together with his inmate buddies and had a good laugh about this.The guy isn’t crazy—his words and sentences are put together too well and the things he says are blantantly said to get a laugh. Am I the only one who sees this guy’s sense of humor? Totally funny.

  48. i’m having a hard time wrapping my head
    around any of it.. as first i was too furious
    to comment when it came to dogfighting..
    it actually made me nauseous, and i had
    a little bit of diarrhea. : (

  49. RichPort

    What do I care? I don’t have a dog in this fight…


  50. Walt the Fanboy

    @74 tell ‘em Steve-Dave

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