Michael Vick gets sued by a crazy person

August 15th, 2007 // 139 Comments

NFL quarterback Michael Vick is facing federal charges for allegedly participating in illegal dogfighting, and now he’s being hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches, who says Michael stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran.” Fox News reports:

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver ” delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Oh yeah, did I mention the lawsuit was written by hand? Because it’s written by hand. And I’m not a lawyer, but this Jonathan Lee Riches sounds like he’s got a rock solid case. Michael Vick better start saving, because “$63 billion dollars backed by gold and silver ” is kind of a lot of money. I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty good with numbers.


  1. Shallow Val

    Does anyone even HAVE 63 billion dollars? (Check’s Nana’s changepurse) Nope, empty.

  2. george


    … Dude, wtf? oO;;

  3. MVick


    Well, most of it.

  4. Shallow Val

    Did I steal you spot George. Sorry, you can have it….


  5. YouRang

    I can’t believe this motherfucker beat me to this! Son Of A BITCH!

  6. physicallyhurtingmyfeelingsisagainstthelaw

    Now I understand why some women fall in love with inmates. This guy is a genius. I just wonder how Michael Vick got into his coat to steal his ID, and who’s going to sign for the money. This probably took him 3 weeks to write.

  7. @1 Shallow Val – Bill Gates does. Has he been involved in dog fighting?

  8. I agree with Val……………Who gives a shit, I hope they “let the dogs out” on his ass. Anyone doing that to poor little pit bulls is fucking a nut case.

  9. Alena

    I don’t know were to start…

    Phisically hurted his feelings? Like… phisically? How?, I mean… How?

    Some pit bulls are worth for several missiles? Damn, I have to start selling my dogs on E-bay.

  10. Geoff

    He should get Johnny Cochran to take his case. Why would Michael Vick, a 9 foot tall wookie, live on a planet… With a bunch of two foot tall pit bulls? That… Does not… make… sense. Ladies and Gentlemen of this ‘supposed’ jury that does not make sense!

  11. xx

    I am a lawyer, and I can tell you, Michael Vick is fucked. I wouldn’t go against this guy in court. No way. Vick = pwned!

  12. schack

    Texas Tranny, why are you emailing Lady Bug and not me? I think you owe me some pictures too.

  13. Hey Schack………I’ll have some for you tomorrow. LayDeeBug doesn’t like the nasty ones like you do, so I can’t send her my “daily” pics.

  14. schack

    TT You did not even send me those today

  15. Schack…………..You never emailed me back and I thought maybe you didn’t like my nasty pics.

  16. michelle

    I am certain no one will be willing to take this seriously… and just dismiss it. I love the hand-written style, though… totally sophisticated!

  17. schack

    Yes I did. I told you want I wanted to see

  18. rmc

    im sure this guy wasnt doing this as a joke either. some of you guys are fucking retards. this is hilarious. either that or he’s serious and has had too many cocks in the backdoor.

  19. Goodman

    Conrats #1 for beating me to the punch

  20. Ok Schack, tomorrow you’ll have some of my nastiest ones, real slutty.

  21. Jonathan Lee Riches

    Also I’m suing the Superficial for stealing my face

  22. no1justminda

    Oh puh-leaaaaase

  23. lambman

    Two great American heros, one tiny superficial post

  24. veronica

    hahaha, SO funny

  25. ts

    #4, I’m with you.

    Goodman, what a miserable existence you seem to have. But when you’re a retard it probably doesn’t really occur to you all that often.

    I literally get embarassed for you when I read your posts. Why do I even are? I really don’t know. I know it shouldn’t. It just bugs the hell out of me when I see someone repeatedly making a fool of themselves.

  26. pointandlaugh

    too damn funny

  27. PrettyBaby

    hmmmm this is an arguement AGAINST having legal assistance in prisons.

  28. George

    Why do I have a troll. Give me a break, and go make-up your own handles. If you want to troll someone then troll Jimbo, Victor, Kelli, sahack, Texas Tranny, Bite me, or any number of other folks. Leave me alone. I want to be ALONE.

  29. whatever

    30th !!!

    Take that bitches.

  30. whatever

    Are you sure Spears didn’t write this?

  31. Shallow Val

    #7, SHOOT (snaps fingers and stomps foot in disgust.)

    That guy has everything!!!!

  32. whatever

    Who else thinks Spears kids would be better off with Michael Vick learning how to fight pit bulls?

  33. @29 George, It is just part of hanging out in the Superficial. There are a few people that have no lives and enjoy trolling other people. It is to bad that there is nothing we can do about it.

    But for all we know you could be the troll.

  34. Valkyrie

    #10 Alena, good one.

    Your comments are the reason why I stay here at the FISH. It may be boring here but at least the intelligence level is higher than at Perez. Have you read some of the shit those yabbos post?

  35. Alena

    # 33 I think Spears kids will be better off with Jonathan Lee Riches as a parent.

    He would get both their names copyrighted, and make sure no one physically hurts their feelings.

  36. Howard Cosell

    #34 Bite me.

    “George moves forward. Bite ME parries then thrusts and touche, Bite ME has won this bout!”

    (thunderous applause)

  37. doodie

    i think Vick should dig up Johnny Cochran and Kim Kardashians father and have them be his lawyer, have Gloria Alred be his damage control rep. (while i lift up her dress, push her panties to the side, and let vick’s pit bulls lick her puss) and then bring OJ in to be a surprise defense character witness.

    and just for laughs, put Nicole Brown Simpson on the rape stand.

  38. whoneedsenemies

    I filed one of these against Fish for not being funny…

    Still haven’t seen my court date…

    But in all fairness mine wasn’t written in pencil…it was written in purple ink…

  39. Alena

    #35 Yes I have… I think Jonathan Lee Riches has a higher IQ than a most of them

  40. cowcat

    George, it is also possible that your “troll” could just be a guy named…George.

  41. Alena

    Damn… the extra “a” was a typo

  42. Stuckey

    The problem with those Al Queda dawgs is they want to kill the other dog but they also kill themselves at the same time.

    You can’t make money on a dog fight like that!

  43. Alena

    # 44 LMAO

  44. Try Me

    In the context of internet culture, an internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, is someone who intentionally posts messages about sensitive topics constructed to cause controversy in an online community such as an online discussion forum or USENET groups in order to bait users into responding.[1] They may also plant images and data on networks that others may find disturbing in order to cause confrontation.

    More specifically a troll is an insult or accusation made against a poster. It would be highly unusual for any internet poster to claim the title of troll[citation needed], rather a community member may try to deflate a post that is controversial or thought provoking by referring to it as a “troll”. In usage troll is more of an insult like “jerk”.

    To call someone a troll is to say that any dispute over a post is not valid not because the issues raised are not valid, but to claim the intent of the poster invalidates the post. As a speech act the term troll is generally used as an ad hominem argument, attacking the poster rather than the content or issues of the post.

  45. Kitten

    This is genius! Michael Vick should switch spots with this guy. Fuck Michael Vick!!!

  46. DuD

    Thanks for the info “Try”.
    Are you new to the internet blog pages?

  47. Melissa

    inmates often hand write complaints. just because it’s handwritten doesnt’ mean it’s by a crazy person.

  48. DuD

    and message boards?

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