Michael Lohan wants YOU to kick his ass

October 6th, 2008 // 35 Comments

Michael Lohan is auctioning off a chance to get in the ring and punch the press-whore out of him. The auction starts at $5,000 with all proceeds going to charity, according to FOX News:

Jeff Cohen, an organizer for the event, said he expects a big turnout.
“Anybody who jumps into the ring with Michael Lohan will become famous,” Cohen said. “Maybe you’ll get one of Lindsay Lohan’s ex-boyfriends who’ll try and impress Lindsay by beating up her father. Who knows? … You might get Samantha Ronson trying to put a bid in there.”

A chance to punch the snot out of Michael Lohan? I’m in. But, before I write the check, you’re allowed to duct-tape a gun to your boxing glove, right? Because I’m pretty sure that’s how they did it in Rocky. Or maybe I was on acid. Who knows? In the meantime, somebody call Tech Support. My desk is melting again.

Thanks to Kristen who flies like a butterfly, stings like a giant scorpion. True story.

superficial

  1. Whazza

    Beating him with an 18″ pink dildo sounds fun.

  2. John

    1985 called, they want their bracelet back.

  3. will

    Shut the fuck up, you wouldn’t know what acid was if it bit you in the ass.

  4. veggi

    Most of the male commenters here would punch furiously, then during a clinch find themselves kissing Michael’s neck and grinding on his leg without even realizing what they were doing. Typical Foley-Craig Republicans.

  5. veggi's pussy looks like it went 12 rounds with michael Lohan

    Michael is showing how much of his fist he fit inside veggi. Of course he still had the boxing glove on when he did.

  6. Kristen

    Thanks for the shout out Superficial. You made my day. :)

  7. How much to donkey punch his daughter?

  8. veggi

    #5 – ah yes, with the repressed sexual desire for other men comes the hostility toward women. Add in racism and you’ve got the total package.

  9. PunkA

    If Bonaduce fought him, which ginger would you pull for?

  10. The White Urkle

    Whazza, that was too dang funny!

  11. sb

    Now, that’s not a bad idea #9–Bonaduce would beat the ever-loving shit out of him. And isn’t that really the point? Can we start a collection?

  12. koko

    #8 terribly true, these men are nothing that should be spreading genes or fatherly advice.

  13. is that vein in his arm supposed to be impressive?

  14. Maloney

    i bet he’s great in the sack.

  15. Ted Kennedy's tumor

    Violance towards women is never funny, but fisting isnot violant. Unless you don’t use enough KY. Just sayin’

    Who wants a martini and go for a drive?

  16. seratonin

    Michael Lohan is a pussy/fairy that sucks nigger dick.

  17. Sarah Palin

    Let us pray that our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work. Amen!

    (applause)

    After I’m elected I will, in addition to my VP duties, head the new National Faith Based Electorate Institute to ensure that future candidates are truly Christian men and women seeking to advance Christianity in the form of new initiatives such as Crusades and Inquisitions. After all, only REAL Christians should be armed across the planet. We willl ensure that the entire planet believes in Christianity, ushering in the end times!

    (long applause)

    Vote McCain (Palin)

    Amen!

    (AMEN!!!)

  18. bowman

    That fukin retarded weakling has never fought a man in his life; he only fights women.

  19. Fernando Narcos

    I don’t think it’s worth.

    But,if i were given the chance to kick the shit out of Newt Gingrich,I’d write that check in a heartbeat.

  20. Fernando Narcos

    I don’t think it’s worth.

    But,if i were given the chance to kick the shit out of Newt Gingrich,I’d write that check in a heartbeat.

  21. judas

    That ignorant slob has never been trained to fight. Hell, he’s never been trained to do anything but fuck his daughters. His nickname IS Lot, isn’t it?

  22. Mr. T

    Will he take his dentures out first, or will they get knocked out?

  23. Jesus

    Who COULDN’T whip this bastards ass?

  24. Emik Otsyn

    #17 stop posting the same fucking thing over and over. People should start bidding to beat the shit out of you.

  25. Dude is sooo Sarah Palin’s type

  26. Tapeworm

    I think I’m gonna cash out my 401K (both dollars of it) and ghost-auction Kimbo Slice into the ring.

    I wanna see Kimbo rip off Lohan’s hairless, freckled(*) arm & beat him to death with it.

    (*) How many tough guys do you know with hairless, freckled arms? Exactly.

  27. ……………………TURN AROUND THEN!!

  28. M

    FLOATS like a butterfly! :)

  29. toolboy

    Open Letter to Sam Ronson:
    You know I am not a fan of yours Sam, but the enemy of my enemy is a friend of mine. And since I cannot get a hold of King Kong Bundy or Butterbean, I’ll spot you $10000 and an aluminum baseball bat.

  30. I would beat him to death. It would be ugly.

  31. Matthew

    can we go grand theft auto on him?

  32. Anyone who gets in the ring with him will be famous? Geezus does this guy have an overblown opinion of himself! He is fucking desperate to be famous! How about this, fuckface: stop relying on your daughter, and your family name. You should have fucking done something with your life if you wanted to be famous. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about you. Slide into obscurity, shit stain. Maybe even Ronson will put in a bid? Even your own family, and everyone involved with them wants nothing to do with you. And your family are even bigger fuckfaces than you are.

  33. herbiefrog

    why ?

    …that’s about “it”

    “why?”

    did you think… [etc]

  34. Michael Lohan is gonna be fighting Long Island business man Bob Venero. For all the details an exclusive pictures stay tuned at http://www.LohanFight.com

  35. Michael Lohan is gonna be fighting Long Island business man Bob Venero. For all the details an exclusive pictures stay tuned at http://www.LohanFight.com

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