Michael Lohan: ‘God is punishing Lindsay’s career’

November 6th, 2009 // 46 Comments

Because dignity is dick compared to getting your face in the press, Michael Lohan is firing back against Lindsay’s accusations that he threatened to kill Dina Lohan if she ever left him.

“That’s a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I’m going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.
“No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her,” Michael continued. “Because she’s forsaken everything He’s given her and she’s done nothing but misuse all the gifts she’s given.”

I’m pretty sure being a Michael Lohan-fertilized egg in Dina Lohan’s uterus is ultimately what killed Lindsay’s career, but it’s nice to see his main concern is to prove he’s right even if it involves releasing more private phone calls to do it. Also, anyone finding it odd that Michael Lohan records all his phone conversations? Jon Gosselin is probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out how many times he’s on tape saying “So another one laughed at my penis again.”

superficial

  1. juniper

    she looks pregnant.

  2. Okay…so him being a tool is part of God’s plan? He makes a crappy disciple.

  3. Who won't?

    You won’t smell the crotch of those leggings…

  4. The Observer

    What the hell? A post on the superficial that deals with religion and doesn’t include a full paragraph of ignorance and intolerance? Did the world just become a better place, or is it merely a temporary reprieve?

  5. Dave ain't here, man

    I’m working on a machine to enable me to go back in time and give Lindsay Lohan’s parents’ parents a pack of Trojans. Anyone want to kick in with some funding?

  6. Zee Brat

    It has to really suck to have Michael Lohan as a father.

  7. me

    FIRST!!11!!!1one!!!!!

  8. The Judge

    Firecrotch does need help, but getting it from that leaking douche of a father wouldn’t be much more useful than trying to interpret the droppings of a ferret.

  9. wow she’s look beautiful

  10. Turd the third

    God, her funbags look almost as ugly as Brittney’s!

  11. Ugh, what a waste. She totally looks both pregnant and coked up. In an amazing change of pace, she looks cute in #5, but jeeze… she’s only 23!
    I was soooo pitching a tent during Freaky Friday; it’s a shame this is how that turned out.
    But more topically, I can see why she is such a bag of fail. Her mommy and daddy are a lock for parents of the epoch.

  12. CJDC

    “I’m pretty sure being a Michael Lohan-fertilized egg in Dina Lohan’s uterus is ultimately what killed Lindsay’s career”

    I LOLed. Classic

  13. GOD

    Hey Linds,

    sorry about the whole punishing your career thing, but you can’t say you didn’t have it coming. I gave you so many talents(tits), a loving family to guide you on the right path (you should see the dad I gave Isaac.), and the spellbinding quality to make all those in your presence fall to their knees in awe (tits). And what do you do, you drop trou and squeeze out the most vile form of hatred ever Imaginable (Herby: Fully Loaded). Maybe one day I may forgive you if you return to the right path, but for now I have to leave you to appear in a tortilla in Peru, then on the side of an outhouse in Alabama.

    XOXO,

    GOD

  14. SO RIGHT

    Hey Michael…you might want to shut it cuz she probably learned everything she knows from her parents. Apple rarely falls far from the tree. In addition, no decent parent would say “well, I’m just going to have to publish more tapes then”. What a baby. What a narcissistic sociopath. Parents like Michael Lohan & John Phillips, who don’t put their kids well being first, make me sick.

  15. mr. T

    wait….wasn’t God punishing us for giving her a career?

  16. oneill

    what an effed up father. who does that to their kid? lindsay looks great in spite of it all, poor girl.

  17. oneill

    what an effed up father. who does that to their kid? lindsay looks great in spite of it all, poor girl.

  18. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    He’s just jealous that she doesn’t share her blow with him.

  19. Rupert

    Pic 5: “Too shlow, Highlandar!”

  20. rachel

    she has a food baby.

  21. God does not punish. Lindsay’s career went south because of her. For Michael Lohan to say this marks him as conservative Christian that the media loves to ridicule. I’m a born again Christian and this man’s behavior and speech insults us all and makes me hate being associated with such a man as this. By the way, earlier this year M. Lohan also threaten to kill himself if his present girlfriend left him. She filled a police report, then fail to show and the case was dropped. I find it reasonable that he pulled the act with Dina during their marriage. In my opinion, the man is a bi-polar and gave the gene to Lindsay directly, she’s bi-polar. I don’t believe the other kids are effected but theymaybe carriers and could give it to their kids when they marry.

  22. Ice

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  23. PsyKo

    as if God even cared… if he existed.

  24. Tire Swing

    They both need to get real jobs.

  25. So strange news for me.Well Michael is stupefied to that is reality strange.

  26. Brooke

    Uh oh… why does the skinny coke girl suddenly have a protruding stomach??? ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

  27. I’m working on a machine to enable me to go back in time and give Lindsay Lohan’s parents’ parents a pack of Trojans. Anyone want to kick in with some funding?

  28. what an effed up father. who does that to their kid? lindsay looks great in spite of it all, poor girl.

  29. X-tal

    She actually looks good with her normal fair skin tone. Doesn’t look so old.

  30. Balls McCoy

    She actually looks good in these pics but underneath those clothes is a sagging mess and old lady tits. I wish she’d go back to her natural hair color and get in shape so I can spank out batches to a pretty Lindsey again.

  31. Flower

    Michael Lohan has achieved the impossible….He has made me feel sympathy for Lindsay Lohan.

  32. Maybe she is pregnant.

  33. uhoh

    Is she Preggers?????!!!!!!

  34. ILIKE

    I LOVE HER OUTFIT HERE…..SHE LOOKS CUTE

  35. ILIKE

    I LOVE HER OUTFIT HERE…..SHE LOOKS CUTE

  36. ILIKE

    I LOVE HER OUTFIT HERE…..SHE LOOKS CUTE

  37. Chole

    She looks utterly dreadful and should go back to being a redhead, blonde does not suit her nearly as much. And she needs to stop taking adderall and eat right. But more importantly…she now needs some tough love, since rehab clearly does nothing for her. I feel very sorry for her, she did not have a fighting chance at being normal thanks to her shameful parents.

  38. shes looking sexy!

  39. just a thought

    Anyone think it’s kind of sad we live in a society that values thinness and beauty so much that it drives young girls like this into becoming self-abusive like this? I really think that’s the main reason she does drugs. She has all the resources in the world to take care of her other problems. Oh well.

  40. PBJ

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  41. God speaks through the fornicating crack-whore criminal ass of Michael Lohan does he?

    I’d rather Lindsay had black hair than this blond shit. Should have left it red anyway.

  42. Lindsay’s career went south because of her. For Michael Lohan to say this marks him as conservative Christian that the media loves to ridicule.

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