Michael Lohan and Kate Major are engaged

Clearly seeing transparent press conferences involving Lindsay Lohan’s drug addictions as a ticket to fame, starfucker Kate Major is engaged to Michael Lohan. Us Magazine reports:

Lohan says he was waiting for the “situation with Lindsay to resolve” before announcing the engagement. He has been encouraging his troubled daughter to enter rehab.
“[Two weeks ago], I went down to Florida with Kate to visit her dad. I was in a hot tub with her dad at their house, and I said, ‘There’s something we have to talk about.’ He said, ‘Oh my God, don’t tell me Kate’s pregnant!'” Lohan jokes. “I told him I was looking at the future, and I wanted to make it formal and take it to the next level. After that, he approved, then Kate and I discussed it and she discussed it with her dad.”

So Michael Lohan was basically waiting for Lindsay to die but decided to get naked with Kate Major’s dad and propose marriage anyway? I honestly can’t think of a more perfect love story except I just did and it involves two people meeting at a gang-bang.