Michael Jackson was homicided and other news

- Michael Jackson’s death has been ruled a homicide. Who saw that coming? Besides Dr. Conrad Murray and anyone with TV or Internet access. [PopEater]

- Anna Paquin on a trapeze. Because apparently winning an Oscar at 12 curses you to have a lifelong obsession with amusement parks. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]

- Taylor Swift has freakishly long arms. Hmm… I wonder if she could reach the fridge from my bedroom. In case she wants a drink! I was not at all suggesting sandwich making. Unless her arms are near the bread drawer. Just sayin’. [Celebslam]

- Jennifer Aniston won’t date “a normal guy.” Which is why I’d like to point out I still play with action figures. That doing anything for you? Not counting reaching for the pepper spray. [Wonderwall]

- Chace Crawford as a greaser. Think Shia LaBeouf in Indiana Jones 4, but you don’t want to cry in a corner afterward. [Socialite Life]

- Eddie Cibrian’s wife is more than happy to hand him over to LeAnn Rimes. [Just Jared]

- Ashlee Simpson continues looking good with the ladies of Melrose Place. [PopSugar]

- Paris Hilton visited a children’s hospital in Guatemala because nothing cures sick kids like more infections, but not really. You killed them all, Wonkface. [Splash News]