Michael Jackson looking to fill the void left by Chris Brown

March 5th, 2009 // 86 Comments

With Chris Brown out of the way, the time is rife for Michael Jackson to recapture that young male audience. The King of Pop announced a comeback tour today in London because, as Madonna has proved, who doesn’t love a 50-year-old dancing skeleton? Reuters reports:

“Thank you all…this is it,” said Jackson from behind a pair of dark glasses.
“These will be my final shows … performances in London. When I say this is it, I mean this is it. I’ll be performing the songs my fans want to hear. This is it, this is really it, this is the final curtain call.”

I included the video after the jump which is probably the most bizarre thing I’ve seen in a while. Mostly because Michael Jackson is surprisingly lucid for a man whose face defies every known law of science. No, really, if someone told him the Hadron Collider could make him look exactly like Disney’s Peter Pan, he’d have it embedded in his nostril. True story.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. no nose is good nose

    I hope his nose doesn’t fall off during his London performance.

  2. Darkwing id dead and rotting

    Ummm he molests boys and looks like a woman I believe that says something about your personal prefercence there girlie. What instruments does he play? Can he read and write music? NO? ok.

  3. Niklas

    he could be a villain in the next batman movie

  4. Turd Sammich

    @ 52

    I believe he plays the skin flute.

  5. Shadow Dweller

    I guess buttfucking little kids in some raghead country gets to be a bore after a while so why not do a tour, huh? I swear they should shoot this motherfucker’s plane down over the English Channel.

  6. Dirty Sanchez

    I heard MJ was gonna do a remake of Elton John’s song: “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me”.

  7. Nostradamus

    Ladies and Gentlemen,

    I give you: Kanye West, 30 years from now…

  8. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    @spindoc
    Thriller has sold more than 100million copies. The Eagles Greatest Hits? 40-49 million and that’s it for top albums. Bad & Dangerous have each sold 26-30 million copies and Off The Wall sold 20-25 Million copies. So again, get your facts straight honey. Don’t try & talk to the big boys until you can bring something to the table other than things you pulled out of your ass. No one has sold as many albums ever. And comparing him to Pink & Katy Perry, Michael Buble & John Mayer, you really are a 12 year old girl.

  9. what about America fucker!

  10. erection-machine

    It’s a sad thing that Michael Jackson became this. I doubt he’s actually a kid-fucker as much as he’s just mildly retarded from a host of mental issues, but I’ll tell you this much: I JAM HIS MOTHERFUCKING JAMS AND MOONWALK LIKE IT’S 1985!!!! Then I touch children’s balls.

  11. Darkwing Duck flies with Buzzards

    Yeah MJ sold a billion albums. The common average human is more or less a simpleton as well. Michael Jackson was never anything more than a singer and a faggy one at best. And yes he could dance although not like a man would more like someone…with issues. He was a fairy. A wack de’ cook. Freak. I bet you are the type that cries when he sings “Have you seen my childhood” which was the most psychotic song I have ever heard in combination with his grotesque countenance.
    Sounds to me as though you have poor taste.
    There are billions of mullet and fleas and bacteria as well so numbers don’t prove he is a real musician because he never was. He is an entertainer light for mental lightweights. Like you.

  12. Somebody

    Michael Jackson’s still alive? Holy SHI*!
    kidding aside, he looks more and more like a real living mannequin…
    in a perfect world, Jacko and Chris Brown would share a prison cell…..
    Jackson: “C’mon I wanna touch it.”
    Brown: “Oh HELL NO.”
    Jackson: “You wanna touch mine?”
    Brown: “I’m soooooooooooooooooooo sorry Rihanna!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  13. chimps and little boyz

    I am definitely on for London. We are getting another mortgage on our trailer so we can afford the flight tickets though cuz it will be big history! Don’t wanna miss it more fun than 9/11!!!

  14. anon

    I listen to his albums. lol. good thing this is anonymous.

  15. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    “common average human is more or less”
    “And yes he could dance although not like a man would more like someone”
    “billions of mullet”
    “He is an entertainer light for mental lightweights”
    “12 years old? I wish I was!”

    I’m sorry you’re actually 9. Please pay attention when they teach grammar. I promise it will allow others to take you seriously.

    No one ever said he sold billionsof albums, please get your facts straight.
    And no one was talking about your childhood full of billions of mullets (See the “s” at the end of that word? That makes it plural.), fleas & bacteria. Your comments prove your ignorance.

  16. Ignorant drunken loser with small genitals

    Colloquialisms? Do I really have to be grammatical when talking to my brother morons? Damn piss shit fuck holy moley. Sorry Darkwing Jr. You done got me like real good there you did.
    I still stand by my assertion that MJ is a semi-talented child molesting faggot though. No matter how poorly I word it.

  17. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    For your information kids Michael Jackson settled ONE case and was FOUND NOT GUILTY on the other. It’s funny how you throw stones at Michael’s character saying he is shady/sketchy, yet you don’t question the motives of parents who would rather see a pay check than see their child’s alleged abuser brought to justice.

  18. Darkwing Douche sips semen

    You win! Those people that claimed your role model/hero MJ molested little boys were all wrong. I mean just look at the man and listen to him sing and watch him dance! Perfectly normal behavior there, right? As to the parents in the first case, I believe that “Mr. Jackson” paid them like a kajillion dollars to not squeal right? Why would he do that if he was innocent?
    Michael was never found “not guilty”. The courts said that. He paid the system off. That’s how it works in a cleptocracy. You are aware that there are 2 parallel judicial systems one for the awesome elites and the other for the loser poor?

  19. Elvis Impersonator

    Proof that the aliens have landed. They just want to take a bath w/ your 9-11 year old boys.

  20. Just one thing: HE NEEDS ALOT OF CURLS AGAIN IN HIS HAIR, folks!!

  21. Delgo

    He used to be really

  22. terry

    Yo Apes in the white house!
    Your people brought us 56 trillion in debt and you gave China your fucking industrial revolution. You is a broke ass motherfucker and the European Union or China will be your new daddy.
    Oh, by the way pussy, if you didn’t like niggas you shouldn’t have brought us to the bosom of your Anglo Saxon world. Bitch! Remember you came to us.
    Now your last dance is killing Iroquois in order to control their oil. In the end, they will slaughter your race for this shit.

  23. Anglo

    Slaughter us? Ha ha you forget many things little one. I do not agree with slavery or mistreating anyone including animals. Don’t forget black people like to cheat and beat on their mates. They rip off the clitorises of females in Africa to keep them in line. How very romantic.
    Yeah I would like to see any other race truly take us on. We conquered the world don’t forget when we were in charge.
    Yes it’s true an insidious now controls the world’s economics and that is what is destroying us all. A big race to extract every commodity of value before someone else get’s it first. To enrich the elites in their selfish lifetimes with blatant disregard for the Earth and the people to follow.
    All we really have to do is not use the worthless money and disregard the phony debt we pay these private thieves. Then we would be free and they would be forced to hide and all the rest of the world could prosper. What a sick thought, eh?
    Peace

  24. the truth:
    ……………………….HE REALLY DESERVES A GREAT END TO REMEMBER, folks!!

  25. Valerie

    I’m a romantic. I’m still holding out hope that Michael Jackson will eventually marry the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

    ……………………………………..@@@……………………
    ………………………………@@@@@@@……………
    …………………@@@@@@@@@@@…………..
    …………..@@@……@@@@@@@@@………..
    ……..@@…………..@@..\__……__/..@@@@……..
    ……………………@@@….{Q}…..{Q}….@@@@@@……..
    ………………………..@@………..^……….@@@…………@….
    ………….@@@@@@………/…\………..@@@………..@
    ……..@@@……..@@……(0__0)………@@……..
    ……..@………….@@…………..U…………..@@@….
    …….@………..@@@…/^^^^ww^^^^\….@@@….
    …………………..@@…({..\—–O—–/..})…@@@@
    ………………@@@…..\\www—www//…@@@..
    ……………….@@*@………….^^^…………..@@@@
    ………………….@@…..\……………………/….@@@**
    ………………*@@@@\___…….___/…..@@**@@
    ……………..@@@@……/…(__)…\………@@@@**
    ………………@@@@…./……………\………@@@@@
    ………………@@@@…/……………..\.@@@@@@

  26. Michele

    I feel so bad for Michael jackson. He looks so strange and I don’t know if he knows it or not… It is really sad. Then I feel bad for his fans. Cause they have to be retarded.

  27. boo

    Every time I see MJ, I think of the Wicked Witch of the West “I’m melting, MELLLTTTIIING!”

  28. Melissa

    I don’t care about MJ, I only wanted to say I love you Superficial man, no one ever mentions the Hadron Collider!

  29. carolyn baker

    first of all #75 needs to be reported. Giving news to a pediphile shows how sick we really are.

  30. i.should.know

    …love the twink at 1:23…he’s nearly in tears screaming his hero’s name…

  31. sin

    who is this old, white woman claiming to be Michael Jackson?

  32. Clem

    No one has mentioned it yet so I will – these shows will be shit. They will just be total shit. In fact they’ll be shittier than a shit that the fat Karsashian moose made ate after she ate a bad curry that had shit in it. And shat it out.

  33. Nat

    in the mormon bible, black people are born black because of sins in their previous life. but by doing enough good in the world it’s possible for them to turn white.
    oh and they also believe God lives on another planet.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    The mormon bible also tells you that it was Ok for Elvis to beat Priscilla and that jews like Woody Allen get a pass for marrying their daughter, but its Ok to pick on blacks, especially when one gets a skin disease because it makes you feel better while on your way to a tanning booth?

  34. Michael is looking like a goblin these days. He really messed up his natural face.

  35. Van

    The only comeback he should have… is coming back as Thriller Era Micheal Jackson, WHERE ARE YOU ORIGINAL MICHAEL, and why did this creepy alien kidnap you and steal your identity!?!?

    I miss the real Michael Jackson.

  36. I do not regret my statement that MJ is a child molesting talented semi-package as well. Regardless of how the bad word.

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