Michael Jackson: ‘I’ve seen children just shower all over me’

“The Michael Jackson Tapes” were aired on Dateline this week and contained insane ramblings from the King of Pop. Of course, none of them were scarier than the fact he believed he had “a gift from God” to heal – wait for it – little kids. Aw, who saw that coming? Page Six reports:

“I’ve seen children just shower all over me with love,” Jackson said. “They want to just touch me and hug me and completely just hold on and cry and not let go . . . and mothers pick their babies and put them into my arms — ‘Touch my baby, and hold them, touch my baby, touch my baby.’ “

But he was acquitted of all the charges, folks, so clearly, this man couldn’t have a deviant obsession with children. I mean, who doesn’t shower with babies? They’re better than a loofah.