Michael Jackson dies at 50

June 25th, 2009 // 535 Comments

Making the “Rule of Three” obscenely poignant, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has just died of cardiac arrest, according to TMZ. He was 50 years old and is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince “Blanket” Michael Jackson II.

My apologies to his family for my previous joke, and a lifelong thanks to Michael for bringing us Thriller, and my personal favorite, Moonwalker. (Both the movie and Sega Genesis game.)

Rest in Peace.

UPDATE: The LA Times has confirmed Michael Jackson’s death subsequently crashing their server from the onslaught of traffic. The man’s still a draw, folks.

Photo: Getty
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  1. Bwaffles

    My condolences to his family. He may have been a bad person, but 3 kids just lost their father…

  2. sierra

    cnn says that they have not confirmed his death but they’re going w/ LA Times & CNN who say he’s dead.

  3. Ren

    Not every little boy and/or mother changed their stories, or admitted to lying. Little boys were molested, little boys came forward, then mothers of little boys that frequented his ranch decided they would try and get a piece of the pie and claimed their sons were molested, too.

    Not one person who pointed out that he was a pedophile accused him of molesting every little boy that claimed it. He molested children. Period. There’s no argument. The only argument right now is how many he actually molested.

    OSHA, you still look like a moron. Your masturbating comment just verified that.

  4. Mama Pinkus

    I never got past seeing him as the good-looking, sweet boy with an amazing voice from my youth, and I am grateful for that.

  5. Venom

    R.I.P. Michael….
    What a crappy day…

  6. Mac

    Hate the sin, not the sinner.

    To the people hating him and wanting him to die, you’re clueless. Do you hate a four year old for making mistakes? You do realize he is mentally and emotionally stunted right? His dad beat him badly on a regular basis if he wasn’t perfect. His brother would bang chicks in the bunk above him or the bed beside him when he was like 8. Michael Jackson didn’t have a normal childhood and while I don’t condone molesting children(if it’s even true), hating him for it is like hating a four year old for making mistakes. The guy thought he was a little kid.

    Also, the family he went to court with tried getting close to David Letterman if you remember. David Letterman told Michael Jackson to avoid the family when he found out they were contacting him because he believed they were only after money.

    It’s funny seeing the people say he should burn in hell, this and thought. God says to forgive, love thy neighbor, to not judge etc. You people wishing death and hell on someone won’t get you very far after death either. Think about that when you have these feelings of hatred building up inside you.

  7. fearsarewishes

    @71

    Yes you did.

  8. joe blow

    I hope he packed for warm weather.

  9. Mac

    Hate the sin, not the sinner.

    To the people hating him and wanting him to die, you’re clueless. Do you hate a four year old for making mistakes? You do realize he is mentally and emotionally stunted right? His dad beat him badly on a regular basis if he wasn’t perfect. His brother would bang chicks in the bunk above him or the bed beside him when he was like 8. Michael Jackson didn’t have a normal childhood and while I don’t condone molesting children(if it’s even true), hating him for it is like hating a four year old for making mistakes. The guy thought he was a little kid.

    Also, the family he went to court with tried getting close to David Letterman if you remember. David Letterman told Michael Jackson to avoid the family when he found out they were contacting him because he believed they were only after money.

    It’s funny seeing the people say he should burn in hell, this and thought. God says to forgive, love thy neighbor, to not judge etc. You people wishing death and hell on someone won’t get you very far after death either. Think about that when you have these feelings of hatred building up inside you.

  10. tom bee

    One less child molester in this world.

  11. Ren

    CNN confirmed it now. Everyone can shut the fuck up about how everyone is dumb for saying he’s dead.

  12. Hash

    *HE WAS A BIT PALE LATELY*

    (am I the first to come up with this? :O)

  13. ember726

    I grew up with Michael, it seems so unreal that he is dead.

  14. fearsarewishes

    @107

    Fuck your fake God, too. There is no fucking God. There is nothing after death except rotting flesh.

    Self-centered morons…which fucking God are you talking about anyway? Allah? Buddah? Jah?

    May as well worship the dustball in the corner for all the good it will do.

  15. Val

    Here’s my issue with the child molester charges: if my child was ever hurt like that, I wouldn’t rest until the bastard that touched her went to pound-you-in-the-ass prison for a long long long time. No amount of money would be able to shut me up. The fact that every allegation that came his way was instantly shut up with cash makes me doubt the voracity of the claims.

    That being said, I’m still glad he’s dead. Now those kids of his have a chance at some kind of normalcy. A slim chance, but a chance nonetheless.

  16. Sammy the Shank

    Whether Jackson’s dead or not (CNN.com at this moment is reporting that he’s comatose), Larry King must be going nuts with glee, as he seems to really get off on being able to have shows that focus on freshly deceased or nearly deceased celebrities and tonight he has Farrah and Jackson. (I take the “going nuts with glee” part back if King dies next today.)

  17. hey now

    you dont have to like him to appreciate that his music was legendary

  18. titsonsnack

    hate the sin, not the sinner? lol I guess that’s easy to say when it isn’t michael jackson’s penis in YOUR mouth, or YOUR little kid’s ass.

    Yeah yeah he had a screwed up childhood and no semblance of what a normal life is. And I think he’s a badass songwriter/singer.

    But for the love of fuck, I think some people are entitled to feel what he did was a little wrong, and feel strongly about it since it involved little kids.

  19. Bigmofo

    Wow, what a bunch of FUCKWADS!! I saw you idiots cheering and speaking ill of Dom Deluise when he died for being a “fat fuck” but you assholes are crying over this child molesting piece of shit? Anyone who wishes an RIP to this asshat deserves a place in hell right next to him, duct taped over a bench with their ass in the air ready to be fucked by his glass and splinter covered dick.

  20. LP

    He was such a tragic figure, and a musical genius. RIP, Michael.

  21. Cam

    Those of you who are happy he is dead are disgusting. You’ve obviously never lost a parent or a child. If you have, you wouldn’t be happy about someone being dead. The guy has parents and kids you know. I’m sure glad you’re happy about a fellow human being dying while their family suffers. Ingrates.

  22. ironic

    Nice work with the advertisement on the side selling tickets to see him in concert.

    Nice touch indeed.

    Not like the bad touch this freak was known for.

  23. The Listener

    First, Ed McMahon, then Farrah Fawcett, and now Michael Jackson. Indeed, “The Rule of Three.”

  24. moonwalker was a movie, not an album.

  25. Galtacticus

    RIP Michael Jackson.

  26. moonwalker was a movie, not an album.

  27. justin

    >110

    Are you rationalizing a child molester’s actions with evidence cited from a fucking VH1 television movie? I guess we’ll place you in the “bat-shit crazy fan” category and disregard the rest of your remarks.

  28. Toni

    I love his music SO much.

    Dont know the man, but every song by heart.

    My thoughts go out to his family.

  29. tootiep

    Now if only OJ would die… let us pray

  30. Mac

    titsonsnack,

    None of this was proven. Like the on poster said… if your child had been raped, would you take the money and be quiet? Most parents wouldn’t do that unless they were looking for money in the first place. Like I said, the people who took him to court tried getting close to David Letterman before they came in contact with Michael Jackson. David Letterman said they appeared to be after money and warned Michael Jackson. I personally believe he didn’t rape children but if he did, how does it affect your life?

    It seems some of these peoples lives on here are so bad that they have to use other peoples lives to feel better about themselves.

    McCauley Culkin said Michael Jackson never touched him and being as Culkin is rich, how did Jackson manage to pay him off? Only so many people can be bought off. If he raped all of these children some of the parents wouldn’t have accepted money. For the record, Culkin is dating Jackie from That 70′s Show so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t raped like so many claim or he would probably be too screwed up in the head to get someone that good looking. It’s not like she is some random chick looking to get off on his fame either.

  31. Anonymous

    Cam,

    Calm down. While I can’t say that I’m happy that he died, I can say that I don’t have one ounce of sympathy for him. He was a child molestor, a pedophile, and a child predator. He was also extremely dishonest. I have sympathy for Farrah Fawcett…….but I’ll never have any for Michael Jackson. He doesn’t deserve it.

  32. alex

    Attention, All old skinny white ladies, Run! God is pissed and is taking you out one by one. lookout cloris leachman, you may be next!

  33. Carlos

    Bottom line, Michael Jackson was a junkie and child molester. You cannot deny that he bought his way out of jail, and now he is burning in Hell. I only wish that I could spit on his grave. Anyone who endoreses child molesters in anyway is as guilty as the person who molests the children themselves.

  34. Michael Jackson

    I wish all of you were dead instead of me.

  35. ghost

    What gives anyone the right to decide what Michael Jackson did, who he was, what he deserved? I never knew the guy, never witnessed his life, and therefore I can’t comment. All I know, is he was goddamned talented, and you can turn on the tv right now to find out that it was motherfucking rare.

  36. Mac

    fearsarewishes

    You are one sick individual. Your life is so bad that you have to try and ruin other peoples faith? Grow up man. You’re really sick. Good luck in the after life buddy. It sounds like you are contributing nothing to society other than hate and being completely self absorbed. Sounds like you think the world is all about you and only what you think is important. Truly disgusting man.

    For the record, I don’t attend church nor have I ever. But yeah, f my faith right? Why do you care if I try to be a better and believe in a God? How does it affect your life? I guess my post saying we should mourn another human being makes me an awful person. I will pray for you because you sound like a future serial killer in the making.

  37. Bible Stories

    As I seem to recall from reading lots of books rather than watching television like some retarded simpletons, there used to be like tons of Gods in this world. Why should I, of northern european extraction, give a fuck less about what the morals are of a middle eastern religion. In my way of thinking, if someone is a dangerous villain you take them out and exterminate them.
    Your God of your bible seemed to advocate mass murder, no?

  38. ghost

    What gives anyone the right to decide what Michael Jackson did, who he was, what he deserved? I never knew the guy, never witnessed his life, and therefore I can’t comment. All I know, is he was goddamned talented, and you can turn on the tv right now to find out that it was motherfucking special.

  39. Mutagenic

    Finally, the fucking freak. Send his body to Area 51.

  40. aikenhead

    http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/5291/96513375.jpg

    for those of you with tickets, dont worry, his concerts are just ‘delayed’..

    (I sense a zombie/thriller theme blossoming..)

  41. Jesus H. Christ

    @137: Fuck your faith. Faggot.

  42. Tom K

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Some of these comments even had me reading that shit in shock, you people are fucking WILD!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    To the all stars: #48, #51 #115, #120

    We need to start our own celebrity site and make comments on these people.

  43. frankie steel

    Michael Jackson was the greatest entertainer ever except for Elvis

  44. CanadianPop

    NOOOOO! I love Michael! This is so sad! I can’t believe it! He was my childhood. I’m so sad for him and his family. We will love you forever Michael! He was number one and no one has ever risen to his level. Everybody imitates him but nobody came close to his success or talent!

  45. Mac

    Thanks for your wishes 142. Very mature. Another great post from fearsarewishes under a different name. I have better things to do than waste my time talking to a lost cause. You’ve proven you offer nothing to society. Probably live with your parents or are tanking high school. You sound like a really horrible person and I feel bad for your parents. If my kids turned out like you I’d feel like a failure for raising such an abomination.

  46. abba

    they come in three’s: michael jackson, farrah fawcett, ed mcmahon.

  47. jess

    Peace and Love to the King of Pop.

  48. kels

    thank god our children are safe. for the family i do feel for their loss..i don’t believe he was the best person around, you make music, it does not make you. i could care less either way if he walked the streets or not, i don’t think he needed to, child molesters are horrible. death is sad, pedophiles are unwelcome.

  49. Biggi

    So sad.. :’-(

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