Michael Jackson dies at 50

June 25th, 2009 // 535 Comments

Making the “Rule of Three” obscenely poignant, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has just died of cardiac arrest, according to TMZ. He was 50 years old and is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince “Blanket” Michael Jackson II.

My apologies to his family for my previous joke, and a lifelong thanks to Michael for bringing us Thriller, and my personal favorite, Moonwalker. (Both the movie and Sega Genesis game.)

Rest in Peace.

UPDATE: The LA Times has confirmed Michael Jackson’s death subsequently crashing their server from the onslaught of traffic. The man’s still a draw, folks.

Photo: Getty
superficial

  1. Jim Jones

    Children around the world can breathe a sigh of relief. But when did TMZ suddenly get the breaking news credentials? No one has yet reported he’s dead except TMZ. It may be true, but confirmation from a semi-reliable news source would be nice before everyone goes around saying he’s dead when he’s not. Those little boys might get a false sense of security.

  2. blah

    who gives a shit.

  3. Tim

    You can’t trust TMZ!

  4. touched

    So long to a child molester.

    Sad and all but there are plenty of kids who have to live a life of guilt and pain because of what this man did.

    Next..!!

  5. OSHA

    HE WAS NEVER CONVICTED MMKAY!!!
    WHAT ABOUT THE MOTHERS? DID YOU KNOW THAT CHILDREN CHANGED THEIR STORIES MULTIPLE TIMES? IT SEEMED LIKE A ROTTEN WAY TO GET RICH IF YOU ASK ME

  6. 33% of the way to the 150 he wanted, pretty poor effort.

  7. Tom K

    Is he really dead? because news channels say he’s been rushed to the hospital but has not died yet.

  8. scrmingblumunky

    OMG I’M WATCHING THE NEWS RIGHT NOW AND HE’S STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!! HE IS IN A COMA. PLEASE GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE GIVING FALSE INFORMATION!!!!!!!!

  9. Ren

    Good thing no one asked you, OSHA.

    Clearly you’re a moron. I bet you think OJ didn’t kill Nicole. I mean, afterall, he wasn’t convicted, AND THE GLOVE DIDN’T FIT!!#!(@#!

  10. sarah

    ITS NOT CLEAR YET THAT HES DEAD!!!!! THERES STILL HOPE!!!! MICHAEL WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

  11. PEDOBEAR

    There can be only one!

  12. fearsarewishes

    @40

    You are too stupid to live.

    Michael Jackson admitted, at 40 plus years of age, to enjoy sleeping with boys. It would be bad enough if that was where it ended, but anyone with a working brain knows that he is a pedophile.

    You grew up listening to this guy? No, you did not grow up. You think like a kid.

    A great big old FUCK YOU to you. Don’t have kids because it is clear you have no idea how to protect them.

    I am glad that he is dead

  13. alex

    Only tmz reported he’s dead. their just over eager to be the ones to break the news. But he’s definitely on the way out

  14. Ren

    Hi. I’m a faggot.

  15. Can you count?

    Rule of Three? Farah Fawcett, ___, and Michael Jackson. WTF?

  16. Gary B

    If he is dead, the feeding frenzy is going to begin. Lawyers, pissed off past business partners, family such are going descend on what is left of his estate. Then all the countless tv interviews and books from former Neverland Workers all telling their own bizarre stories of what happened there.

  17. m

    who is the 3rd in the Rule of Three…Farrah and Michael (who is alive at this second)…thx

  18. What are people shock about? the guy was extremely underweight, and probably died mentally a long time ago; the fact that he never revive his career, and couldnt satisfied his proclivities…

  19. Dantebean

    He had a heart? Joking aside rip.

  20. Jackass

    @65: Ed McMahon, you dumb fuck.

  21. Lain

    @62

    tl;dr

  22. Ren

    Awww OSHA, did I piss you off by pointing out the flaws in your logic? It’s pretty rad that someone is pretending to be on a comment forum. It makes me feel good in the heart, you know?

    It’s ok OSHA. You can grow out of your stupidity one day… maybe.

  23. gizmoduck

    FAKE?

  24. NYC

    Just Beat it!!!! Beat it!!!

    No one wants to be defeated

    Dude is he really dead?

  25. scrmingblumunky

    OMG I’M WATCHING THE NEWS RIGHT NOW AND HE’S STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!! HE IS IN A COMA. PLEASE GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE GIVING FALSE INFORMATION!!!!!!!!

  26. fearsarewishes

    …and if he is not dead yet as some have written let me be very clear…

    I hope that he dies a miserable, horribly terrifying, excruciatingly painful death as soon as possible.

    Thank you.

  27. gizmoduck

    patrick swayze is next

  28. Dee

    He never had a peaceful life despite his success. May he RIP.

  29. Fuck U

    Hahaha, the Catholic Church is a world wide pedophile ring…what’s your point #28?

  30. Sammy the Shank

    Hey Superficial writer, good for you for apologizing for the joke in a previous entry. You’re a good man.

    Jackson made some good music and did some good entertaining and he also did some stupid and hurtful things and he seemed like he was a pretty pathetic creature. But for the good entertainment he delivered, may he RIP.

  31. Meg

    @Rough daddy (I can’t say that with a straight face lol) but yeah I’m not shocked that he died just 2 huge celebs in one day is pretty fucked up and shocking.

  32. Neat. So a celebrity dies and people forget that he got his rocks off by touching children. Great music, great dance moves, sick soul. Sorry if I’m not entirely bothered by this.

  33. JFK

    LA Times confirms his dead. RIP MJ!

  34. JFK

    LA Times confirms his death. RIP MJ!

  35. OSHA

    Awww OSHA, did I piss you off by pointing out the flaws in your logic? It’s pretty rad that someone is pretending to be on a comment forum. It makes me feel good in the heart, you know?

    It’s ok OSHA. You can grow out of your stupidity one day… maybe.
    -
    WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
    OJ IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY; I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM
    HE WASN’T FOUND GUILTY AND DOES IT MAKE SENSE THAT THE LITTLE BOYS CHANGED THEIR STORIES? THERE’S A FUCKING FLAW FOR YOU.
    USE WHATEVER BRAIN YOU HAVE FOR MASTURBATING PURPOSES, THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOOD AT

  36. Megan

    It’s confirmed now.

  37. gizmoduck

    damnit!!

    trying to score some beatle songs

  38. Newcastle

    Meh, he was a pedophile. No big loss.

  39. titsonsnack

    He’s not in a coma. Or rather, he WAS in a coma. The reports went like this: Michael Jackson had a heart attack. Michael Jackson is dead. Oops no, Michael Jackson is in a coma. Wait j/k, yeah he’s actually dead.

  40. titsonsnack

    He’s not in a coma. Or rather, he WAS in a coma. The reports went like this: Michael Jackson had a heart attack. Michael Jackson is dead. Oops no, Michael Jackson is in a coma. Wait j/k, yeah he’s actually dead.

  41. Truly a tragedy! He will be missed.

  42. allthe_gundams

    Yahoo news is only reporting that he is in a coma right now. Are you sure he’s dead?

  43. mikeock

    oh well. maybe those kids of his will have a chance at a normal life now. Fucking Blanket.

  44. Macaulay Culkin

    Wow…. finally i can have some paece in my life. Damn i hated having to pretend to like that freak. Do you think they will let me keep Bubbles though?

  45. Jesse

    Watching CNN (i know i know but i trust them more than fox or tmz) still saying as of 3:26 PST he is in a coma not dead.

  46. Yuck

    Ted – June 25, 2009 5:57 PM

    Yes, by all means, let us respectfully mourn a child molester who bought his way around the law.

    He should have been beaten to death years ago.
    —————————————————————-
    As mean spirited as Ted is, I have to agree. He was a pedophile, a disgusting child molester who refused to face the fact that he wrong and did, in fact, buy his way out of facing justice. Well, he’s facing justice right about now…

  47. justin

    He’s not dead. TMZ sucks once again. way to go Superficial dude for spreading false news.

  48. Jesse

    NM they just confirmed hes toast!

  49. superstar

    =[ I wasn’t the biggest fan of his. I like Thriller and Jackson 5 ‘I want you back’ along with Billy Jean.
    My dad grew up listening to him. As soon as I told him he immediatly snatched the remote off my little brother to flick over to the news. He’s disappointed of course, but….not much you can do :P

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