Making the “Rule of Three” obscenely poignant, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has just died of cardiac arrest, according to TMZ. He was 50 years old and is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince “Blanket” Michael Jackson II.
My apologies to his family for my previous joke, and a lifelong thanks to Michael for bringing us Thriller, and my personal favorite, Moonwalker. (Both the movie and Sega Genesis game.)
Rest in Peace.
UPDATE: The LA Times has confirmed Michael Jackson’s death subsequently crashing their server from the onslaught of traffic. The man’s still a draw, folks.
Photo: Getty
Stuey | June 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm
oops.
Well dang, thats 2
Lindsey | June 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Wow.
I’m actually pretty sad.
Max | June 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Sad. :(
Toot | June 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I’m so shocked! I was just thinking how he might have risen again!
(There goes to show you the SW is an asshole.)
speirto | June 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Oh My….
Ted | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Yes, by all means, let us respectfully mourn a child molester who bought his way around the law.
He should have been beaten to death years ago.
Van | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
What? Holy shit. I’m going to break out my Thriller jacket in memoriam.
Mal | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Snap.
popewithnohope | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
OMFG!
popewithnohope | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
OMFG!
Alejandro | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
RIP MJ. (First?)
Stephanie | June 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm
He’s not dead fool.
The Lord | June 25, 2009 at 5:58 pm
How annoying… I missed getting first, and that’s the key issue here…
piratekuhnbeard | June 25, 2009 at 5:58 pm
RIP Michael Jackson.
Damn, this is crazy!
Melissa | June 25, 2009 at 5:59 pm
well despite what he may have done or not done in the past, you have to admit the man was a musical phenomenon-there will never be another like him. i was a huge fan during Thriller-and will miss him-
spartacus | June 25, 2009 at 5:59 pm
he probably gave a little boy a milkshake shot right down his throat 2day. Now he will answer to a higher power and his “I’m totally innocent” baloney will not work.
leanea | June 25, 2009 at 5:59 pm
it’s ok, he is with tupac now… in hiding
leanea | June 25, 2009 at 6:00 pm
it’s ok, he is with tupac now… in hiding
pyakex | June 25, 2009 at 6:00 pm
first celebrity that i felt sad after it died :/
imawesome | June 25, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Cardiac arrest means your heart stops… so that happens when you die yes but there is probably a more specific cause of death.
SilvioB | June 25, 2009 at 6:01 pm
cazzo!
Tabby Horror | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
So who is gonna be a zombie Michael Jackson for Halloween THIS year?
Legegg | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
What about Carradine? Does he not count? Fuck your rule of 3. Everything is in 3′s at some point in its existence.
clint | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
There goes my “Michael Jackson is immortal” theory.
Andrea | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
wow, RIP
the two kings finally meet
clint | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
There goes my “Michael Jackson is immortal” theory.
fearsarewishres | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Fuck Michael Jackson all the way to Fucksville.
This fucking coward has been molesting kids with impunity his entire life. I hope he suffered horribly at the end.
And a big FUCK YOU to all you stupid cunts and your “RIP” and “May God bless him and his family” comments. He’s the worst kind of fucking criminal and you douchebags are not much better.
Eckla | June 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I don’t even know what to say or think. I am just in shock. I grew up listening to him :(
Legegg | June 25, 2009 at 6:03 pm
What about Carradine? Does he not count? Fuck your rule of 3. Everything is in 3′s at some point in its existence.
mossy | June 25, 2009 at 6:03 pm
whoa… that was.. random
Jerome | June 25, 2009 at 6:03 pm
He faked his own death to evade his creditors.
Yoda | June 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Well, no “reputable” new source is reporting his death yet, but assuming that it’s true–karma is a fucking bitch. Roast in hell you child molesting piece of shit.
Luy | June 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I’ve been such a big fan of his music for so many years.. I’ve heard Who Is It twice today.. I cant believe this..
Its such a shame..
Thank you for every single song Michael, and my best wishes go out to your friends, family, and most importantly- your children.
Anonymous | June 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm
He can’t buy off the Big Man upstairs. He’s going to fry.
Man in the Mirror | June 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Asking him to change his ways.
I am glad he is dead. I have no sympathy for child molestors. This bony pile of disgusting filth was the worst “musician” of our era. Then came Madonna and now Lady Gag Me.
Susan Boyle proves that you can have real talent without props and bullshit.
Think of all those poor people out there that can sight read classical music and can rip on an instrument and will never be known. Certainly not without what is known now as “schtick”. Which means phony bullfuckingshit.
The Rake | June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
THis is still not confirmed by CNN. CNN is covering it live. Doesnt look good.
The Rake
http://thefilmnest.com
*AGATHA* | June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
NO!!! I was going to see him 16 july! I’m in tears!
BOEHOE!!!
ROUGH daddy | June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Truly the Wizard of odd…I Wonder if hes going to reopen neverland in heaven?
*AGATHA* | June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
NO!!! I was going to see him 16 july! I’m in tears!
BOEHOE!!!
Lain | June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
#28 fearsarewishres
Someone’s a little angry…
I was never convinced MJ was a child molester…
I grew up listening to this guy.
He’s the King of Pop.
RIP!
pdxsean | June 25, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Am I supposed to feel bad about this?
On the grand scheme of things, I think this headline ranks barely above “Unabomber Ted Kacyzinski Found Dead In Cell.”
I guess I can mourn the loss of another twenty-five years of Michael Jackson jokes…
spoofo | June 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Another loss of a good musician. So what if he was different, we all liked him a little
blushingmilk | June 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I’m surprisingly sad.
Jose | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
He’s not dead guys, he’s in a coma.
blushingmilk | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I’m surprisingly sad.
Erina | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
RIP King of Pop… You will be missed.
Ella | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
It’s not legit to me. It’s from TMZ! (one of the WORST sources to use)….
Ren | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Good. I hope you rot in hell you piece of shit pedophile.
You all are fucking retarded for being “omg so heartbroken” about his death. Seriously? So because he made some good music back in the 80′s, that means everyone can just forget about how he molested children all those years?
I guess being a celebrity really gets you out of EVERYTHING these days, huh? I thought it was just tickets, stealing, assault, abuse etc… but now molesting children?
Lain | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I hope it’s not true…TMZ has been known to make mistakes…
What caused the cardiac arrest?
meh! | June 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm
doppio cazzo!!!
we’re doomed!