Michael Douglas says he didn’t say stuff

April 11th, 2006 // 84 Comments

In an interview with GQ, Michael Douglas was quoted as saying, “I don’t know about Brad Pitt, leaving that beautiful woman [Jennifer Aniston] to go hold orphans for Angelina. I mean how long is that going to last?” But now Michael Douglas is claiming the GQ writer made up the quote and that he never said those things. He tells Entertainment Tonight:

“I didn’t say it. I spent a number of hours in that interview, a lot of it on tape and when I asked the reporter to play back the tape for me, I was told the tape was turned off, and it was something that was written down, and I just don’t buy that.”

GQ is sticking to their story and say they’ve got a notebook filled with quotes from the interview to prove it. Besides, if they were going to make stuff up wouldn’t they go with something a little more entertaining? Like him calling Brad Pitt a young whippersnapper and then going off on a tanget about how in his day you could buy a hot dog for a nickel, and then fall asleep before he finished the interview.



  1. SuperSpence


  2. Vampyreska


  3. Vampyreska

    hahahaha you beat me!

  4. SuperSpence

    Not first: Michael Douglas might be a senile old has-been, but at least he had the good sense not to appear in “Basic Instinct 2.” On the other hand, if he questions the wisdom of dumping Jennifer Aniston for some hot Jolie ass, then he really is a senile old fool. I’d sodomize a dead cat for the chance to get me some Jolie tail. Since I sodomize dead cats all the time anyway, it really wouldn’t be a big sacrifice.

  5. enfilade

    Isn’t Michael Douglas too old to be relying on his memory?


  6. MD could kick all your asses. So you all better step off right now before he jumps through your computer screen and smacks you across the face for your discourse.

  7. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’ve got notes from when Angelina Jolie told me her nipples had been secreting beer and she wanted me to see if it was a pilsner or lager. Notes don’t lie.
    It was an amber wheat ale.

  8. sure, he’s forgetful, but his granddaughter looks hot

  9. mamacita

    I seriously CANNOT believe that they think this is more newsworthy than Kevin Fuckhead Federline getting called on his copyright infringement of Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science”. Check this out—it’s so much more awesome than this story.


    And no, this is not my blog or anything so I’m not attempting a free plug. It was linked off of bastardly.com

  10. biatcho

    MD should keep his surgery-altered nose out of other peoples’ lives and focus on why his wife publicly insists that she’s 10 years younger than she really is. They’re both hags… but I do love her hair, the bitch!

  11. Italian Stallion

    Michael Douglas says he didn’t say stuff, it was an accidental fart taken out of contex, he later apologized for speaking like an asshole………..

  12. biatcho

    And why do I suddenly have thoughts of Ronald Reagan in my head: old, wrinkly and quite forgetful of the things he said or did.
    Senility’s a bitch.

  13. azcoyote

    #4 you are such a pussy…

    Step into my world where we sodomize LIVE cats. Now that is excitement… It usually sounds little like a Bjork song…. I’d sodomize you sodomizing a dead or live cat just to tap some Jolie… 8)

  14. saltpeanuts

    “I mean how long is that going to last?”

    Certainly not as long as your lifetime prescription of Viagra. Unless of course you keel while pushing pickles with young Cath. Which is a distinct possibility, unless she’s boinking the Verizon guy.

  15. Pearly

    Here’s a guy who is an admitted sex addict, who cheated a million times on his ex wife (before and after ‘treament’) and he’s wondering how long the Pitt-Jolie union will last? I think he needs to worry about his own problems, you know? Now he never said it? I didn’t see him arguing about it a week ago or two when it came out. He just wants publicity because he SUCKS! He was too old to make the first Basic instinct for Gods sake.
    And she is like 45, who is she kidding?

  16. cdogbert

    Another story from the “who cares” department. :(

    Come on, now. Put up something that’s at least humorous, or makes us feel better about ourselves.

  17. YapYapYap

    Son of Spartacus is simply secretly pining for his own Antoninus – note the resemblance between young Tony and He-Who-Acts-With-His-Hair. So there, it must be said: Michael Douglas loves the cock.

    (so does Tom Cruise, btw)

  18. Grphdesi23

    Actually, the editor of GQ recently apologized for the Michael Douglas statements.

    Apparently, they mistaken him for his father, Kirk Douglas.

    Easy mistake.

  19. gsprescueguy

    MD is a serious pussy, BP could whip his ass.

    Now, Kirk Douglas could wipe the parking lot with anyone. Especially Tom Cruise who really, really, loves the cock.

  20. PapaHotNuts

    # 13 and # 4:

    I would really appreciate a little restraint right now from you two. Your comments could be insensitive to someone like me, who as a child, was the victim of cat sodomy. I was young, and this was a really big alley cat. He forced himself on me one night. I was walking home from the playground, and I heard a soft “Meow” coming from, of course, an alley. I should have known that something was up, but his purr was enchanting, hypnotic, almost comforting. I bent over to pet him, and with cat-like reflexes he was behind me, and…hold on..this is difficult…the next 30 seconds were pure horror. To this very day, I can’t read Garfield or even watch Looney Tunes, because of Sylve… I can’t even say his name. Just try and be more sensitive. Thanks

    Papa “I’ve been ass-raped by a cat” HotNuts

  21. wellthen

    Catherine Zeta Jones is NOT lying about her age. She says she was born in 1969, and it’s true:


  22. ablet

    Everything either one of them says is automatically invalid, as they have been together for way too fucking long.

    And what the hell is wrong with saying that Brad Pitt could be fucked up? I mean, it is highly plausible.

  23. LoneWolf

    That’s not the best picture of her, but generally speaking I’d hit CZJ like Mike Tyson used to hit Robin Givens – hard and often.

    As for MD, whether or not he said it, he’s got a point. Pitt went from being a movie star to AJ’s butt-boy.

    And Superfish, describing a Grandpa Simpson scene ain’t gettin’ it done. Let’s put a little more effort into it next time, shall we?

  24. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Did you know that cats have backwards-pointing spines on their penises to keep the female from escaping during intercourse? Well, I guess Papa already knew…
    Anyway, my point was that Michael Douglas has the spines also, and Catherine Zeta Jones has ginormous titties. This is a very good point indeed.

  25. PapaHotNuts

    Thanks a million Osh..dialing my therapist now, and the vet.

  26. azcoyote


    Barbed penis…

    Papa, I am so sorry for your experience…
    That must have looked like a stick-up window Garfield on your backside as you raced home after your unfortunate incident…

    Not many can admit that they have had an analy attached, barbed penis alley cat experience… I salute you….

    Let the healing now begin….

  27. trophywife

    I’m with you #15… MD is a huge hypocritical fuckwad. Didn’t he leave his adoring wife/family for CZJ? And he’s gonna give Brad crap for doing it to the schnozz?? Give me a fucking break….

    Mikey is just trying to figure out how to get his 15 secs of fame in the world that is Brangelina since his career has not been dick since…what…. maybe Wall Street circa the 80s? He’s been riding his hot wife’s coat-tails for years… she can even get cell phone gigs, he can’t even get a job schlepping Viagra or Geritol or whatever…

    I actually feel sorry for CZJ… she is immensely hot… I’d let my hubby film me and Catherine and Angie in a big ol vat of jello :) mmmmmmmmmmmmm

  28. M@ce

    Brad and Angelina will probably last as long as you and Catherine Zeta Jones will last once you stroke out like your dad and she has to feed you baby food…so, like a year tops?

  29. Saucie

    Tom Cruise also loves the alley cat.

  30. mrschickee

    I can’t wait for the headline “Michael Douglas Sues GQ.” Litigation seems to be the only way he and CZJ can make some scratch nowadays.

  31. azcoyote

    I personally view MD as an afront to all that I stand for… I mean… Did you see CZJ’s ass in Entrapment? I mean when she slides under the laser beams? That ass should have had top billing. Every time it comes on cable that is exactly how it flashes into my head…

    Entrapment… Starring CZJ’s Ass, Sean Connerry, and Catherine Zeta Jones. Coming to a theater near you…

    Now it is like you see her and you go…
    “Hey, isn’t that that big assed bitch who does the T-Mobile commercials with her little sister???”

    Seriously, did they think we did not notice the T-Mobile “before spawn of MD” and T-Mobile “After spawn of MD” changes in her ass? Who edits this footage?

    Damn you Douglasses… Damn you all to hell…

  32. SuperSpence

    I’m sorry, but I think sodomizing live animals is just wrong, unless it is one of those endangered animals and you’re trying to create a human-white rhino half-breed that could rule the world with its quick brain and gigantic horn. That’s okay. Otherwise, stick to sodomizing dead cats and other animals. And I don’t just say that as a dead cat sodomizer, I’m also a member of the Humane Society and founder of PESA — People for the Ethical Sodomy of Animals.


    Pulse = No sodomy
    No pulse = Lots of sodomy

  33. PapaHotNuts

    # 32 SuperSpence is on a level of dysfunction I could only dream about. Rock on.

  34. azcoyote

    I don’t know Super… That can be pretty dangerous experimentation. I am pretty sure that is how we got Rosie O’donnell. Are you willing to take the responsibility for something like that!

    I say stick it to the cat for all that he has done to us. Attacking my feet while I am trying to hit it and quit it with the 23 year old stewardess from Van Nies… Furry face naps at 3 am when you were to drunk to exit her apartment after parking the Boeing in her hanger. Random territorial pissings… I just don’t know if I can bring myself to give up my Vigilante ways and only nail the dead ones. I am the Charles Bronson of live cat sodomizers and I just can’t let go of the edge yet…

    So, while I will concede that your stance is morally superior to mine in that you will only sodomize the dead cat, I just feel you are missing the greater calling of live cat sodomy.

    Perhaps we can compromise and agree that once one begins to sodomize said cat, you are morally obligated to give it strangling worthy of a PBS After School special on Michael Hutchings. Truce?

    (Oh, and Tom Cruise really does like the cock. He told me so. At least I think he did. He was mumbling when he said it because he had a cock in his mouth so I could be wrong. He may have just asked my my religion. I’ll never really know for sure… that was when I saw the Calico strutting down 4th street and well, you know what happened next…)

  35. Yeah…his “Good Friend” Brad Pitt. Like we are supposed to believe all these pampered Arrogant Drama Queens just have a big love-in all the time in Hollywood. He probably is so old he forgot that he was supposed to be dishing BS to the magazine, after he got home and Catherine Zeta fed him his Alzheimers Meds through a bottle he remembered and now denies…..good one Mikey.

  36. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    azcoyote: I hope you took notes during all of that because without them your stories/ ideas seem completely farcical. But if you have notes, well, I’ll never doubt you again.

  37. LRonHubbaHubba

    Proof gets a cap popped in his ass and we are stuck with the Crypt Keeper and Her Royal Verizon Heighness?


  38. also in the GQ interview notes….

    Michael Douglas : “I’ve got chunks in my stool older then Brad Pitt.”

  39. PapaHotNuts

    If ya’ll are going to continue reminding me of that night I was violated by Puss ‘n’ Boots, I may as well go back to church and ask Father Thomas if I can go see his “special play area” again. Why don’t you go ahead and start bringing up those painful three years of my life when Father Thomas pretended he was my baseball coach and kept patting my ass and giving me random cup checks, naked. I guess that’s funny to all of you, isn’t it?? You don’t even want to guess where he told me holy water came from. “Just keep sucking on the big straw, little Papa, it will come out soon.” You guys are just a bunch of pricks.

  40. azcoyote

    Hey, look. I admit it, Osh. I indulge my need to expound on the topic of cat sodomy. What can I say. It is just a weakness. But hey, addiction is not my fault. It is like when I used to slip Chris Farley an 8 ball while he was ass-ramming his pet Schnauzer named “Gravy”. I will never forget how much he loved Gravy… He would tell everyone, “Hey, I love Gravy” but no one ever really understood he was crying out for help… He used to think it was wrong but I let him know the REAL facts. Just like the coke problem, Schnauzer doodling is an addiction and it was not his fault… I think the advice was sound and I stand behind it (no pun) 100%.

    Has anyone seen Chris lately? How is has been doing BTW? I have not seen him on SNL in, like, forever… ???

  41. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I demand notes. NOTES!!! NOTES, I TELL YOU!!!

  42. biatcho

    #21: I have this bridge over in Brooklyn I’ll sell to you for 5 bucks.

  43. Ugh this couple.

    when in doubt. DENY DENY DENY

  44. Well, at least GQ has that notepad. That’s ironclad proof, after all.

    ‘What’s this here?’

    ‘Oh,’ replies the GQ interviewer, ‘it’s a little hard to read, since I was on speedballs at the time, but I think it says ‘I’m a shortbread… uh, venison… tragic immolation beyond… wreckage! See, Michael Douglas said he likes to burn deers and eat shortbread cookies. It’s in my notepad, people!’

  45. TaiTai

    PapaHotNuts I don’t think that is funny at all. You are showing total insensitivity to victims of cat rape all over the world. I mean, cat rape is really not a humorous topic. All that scratching, those spikes, the meeeeowwwing that will ring in my ears every time I hear a song by Mariah Carey….You making fun of cat rape victims has just deepened my pain. Thanks a lot, you pussy. Oh no, I said pussy! It’s happening again….

  46. Evangelia

    hey, lots of people rape pussies.

  47. Evangelia

    but i’ve never heard of being raped BY a pussy.

  48. BubbaHoTep

    Father Thomas pretended he was my baseball coach

    PapaHotNuts, this is so wrong. I’m just so sick of people propagating the stereotype that every Catholic priest is a child molesters. Priests are highly spiritual people who feel a calling to serve their communities; they are dedicated people; and the vast majority of them only break their vows with consenting adult women and are great parents to their bastard children. So stop with all the hateful stereotyping!!!!

  49. dirtypiratehooker

    Michael Douglas doesn’t remember saying these things because as we all know, Alzheimer’s disease is a growing disease among the elderly. I can imagine a regular day in the Douglas/Zeta-Jones household:

    Catherine: “Honey, will you go get our son’s diapers? They’re in the drawer next to your’s.”

    Michael: “Flipper-flat horn diddly big monkeys.”

    Catherine: “No, I said diapers, not big monkeys.”

    Michael: (stares off into space while wetting himself).

  50. Pez_D_Spencer

    I think Zeta must be older than mid-30′s. They’ve been shooting her in VERY soft focus for all of her T-mobile crap. I think even Cybil Sheperd (sp?) from Moonlighting would be envious.

    That said, I still think she looked great going up the stairs in “High Fidelity”.

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